Shi’Iana : What’s up guys?

Jha’Meia : Big time trouble!! I misplaced some black materia, and we’re doomed if we don’t find them quickly!!

Sephiroth : Dammit, I’m telling you I will find it before you do!! And then I’ll break free of your manipulate materia and get rid of you all!! Then, you’ll all become one with -

Shi’Iana : But Seph, we don’t even use manipulate materia on you.

Sephiroth : Be quiet.

Jha’Meia : (on knees looking under sofa and rolling eyes) He really thinks we’re using materia on him, Shi’Iana. Don’t bother explaining to him that he’s actually purged of most of JENOVA’s cells and probably can’t do shit with whatever materia he finds.

Shi’Iana : Then why all the big hurry in looking for the materia?

Jha’Meia : (grumbling tone) Cho’Hon found some sort of my materia last week, and he was so impressed by it he began tampering Laguna with it. I don’t remember exactly what it is now, but it was damn frightening, how Laguna turned out afterwards… (shudders)

Shi’Iana : What did that bloody twit do to MY Laguna?

D’Brah : He’s owned?

Shi’Iana : Well, not really, but…

Sephiroth : Will you two quit prattling already!! We got some black materia to find here!!

Shi’Iana : (puffing up belligerantly) Watch where you take that tone!!

Sephiroth : I’ll do whatever I damn well please! I’m Sephiroth!!

Jha’Meia : I swear, Sephiroth, I really don’t see how Katherina can stand you for more’n an hour.

Shi’Iana : Yeah, yapping and whining is all you do.

Vincent : (puffing as he struggles to hold up piano while D’Brah searches underneath) I… do not… think these are… the right circumstances… to argue…

Sephiroth : Waitaminute, did you mention Katherina’s name?

Jha’Meia : (head under coffee table) Sure I did.

Sephiroth : Why don’t you just ask her to snap her fingers and bring us the materia?? What are you, stupid??

Jha’Meia : ( takes breath as she emerges from under coffee table ) Katherina isn’t here. She’s off gallivanting the dimensions again. She won’t be back for quite a while.

Sephiroth : You mean… she’s not here? ( eyes wide open in surprise ) What about me?

Jha’Meia : What about you?

Sephiroth : She’s supposed to be taking care of me, ain’t she?

Jha’Meia : Bullshit. She just panders to you because she has a crush on you. And even then (grunts as she tries to push bookshelf ) you still don’t like her, so she decided to take some time off. She hasn’t done a job in months anyway, so this would be refreshing to her.

Sephiroth : ( mumbles to self )

Jha’Meia : Wait… I just had an idea…

Vincent : What is it?

Jha’Meia : My brother’s cupboard…

Shi’Iana : Not Cho’Hon!

Jha’Meia : Not Cho’Hon… he’s barely biologically related to me… my real brother! Roy!

D’Brah : I don’t think I’ve ever seen him in any of our rambles before.

Jha’Meia : No, he wouldn’t appreciate being in any of our rambles, specially when he calls us nutzoids.

Vincent : How can your brother’s cupboard assist us?

Jha’Meia : Well, I once saw him reach into it and pull out something. It has all kinds of stuff inside! Maybe if we ask nicely it’ll give us the black materia we’re looking for!

Aeris : You mean… like a magic cupboard?

Jha’Meia : Errrrrr….. Something like that.

Aeris : No sacrifices involved?

Jha’Meia : Ummm… well, I never thought of it… ( thinks quickly : it does make for a good ramble twist ) But even if sacrifices were involved, what… or who are we going to sacrifice?

Sephiroth : ( glaring at Shi’Iana ) Her!

Shi’Iana : ( glaring at Sephiroth ) Him!

Jha’Meia : ( snippy tone ) Both of you!

Shi’Iana : But Jha, I’m your friiieeennndddd…..

Sephiroth : But Jha’Meia, aren’t I your favourite character?

( Marron and Laguna, arguing about the principilities on using magic, come in)

Jha’Meia : Ah, Marron-tchang, do you think a cupboard would need sacrifices?

Marron : (blinks) What?

Laguna : A cupboard?

Shi’Iana : Roy’s Cupboard.

Laguna : Who’s Roy?

Shi’Iana : Jha’Meia’s elder brother.

Laguna : Isn’t Jha’Meia’s brother that weird kid who nearly made me into the shape of a-

Shi’Iana : No, no, no, that’s Jha’Meia’s pet brother. It’s not the same as a real brother.

Marron : What can a cupboard do?

Jha’Meia : It’s a Magic Cupboard. You see, all you have to do is stick your arm in and pull out whatever you want. But I’ve only seen my brother do it, so I’m not sure if he makes any sacrifices to it before reaching in and taking something out.

(Everyone stares at Jha’Meia strangely.)

Jha’Meia : What?? It’s true!! Cross my heart!!

Sephiroth : (leaning, side-whispering to Shi’Iana) I thought she was rather strange, but I think this has gone a bit too far…

Vincent : How is it you do not know the procedure by which your elder brother extracts something from the magic cupboard?

Jha’Meia : Well, I hardly watch whenever he’s taking something out of the cupboard.

Marron : Why don’t we just go to the cupboard and have a look at it?

(Various murmurs of assent)

ROY’S ROOM…

Shi’Iana : Gee, Jha, I didn’t even know you kept a room for your brother to stay in. It sure is messy.

Jha’Meia : I never touch the room when he’s gone. He might just accuse me of tampering with his stuff.

Sephiroth : THAT’S the magic cupboard you keep on jabbering about???

(the MAGIC CUPBOARD sits on the ground taller than Sephiroth, is brown and looks about ten years old)

Laguna : Why don’t we open the doors of the thing?

Aeris : I don’t think it’s a good idea… All the things might just spill forth and crush us all…

Sephiroth : Nonsense. (walks up to Magic Cupboard and swings open doors with flourish) What the- ACKK!! (a lot of things : clothes, orbs, wands, cards, diskettes, books, old tomes, jewellry, software, toys etc. come out and fall on Sephiroth. They keep gushing and pouring forth until Sephiroth is well and truly covered with junk)

Jha’Meia : Look! Materia! Oh, boy, I’m really sorry, Seph.

(Sephiroth doesn’t answer)

Jha’Meia : …….

Aeries : Sephiroth?

D’Brah : Oh my god I think he’s crushed under all that!!

(Vincent and Laguna go to the huge pile of junk and begin digging for Sephiroth)

Laguna : Errrrmmm….

Vincent : Not to be the harbingers of bad news, but…

Shi’Iana : (goes up to dig among all the junk as well) Oh my god, he’s not here!!

Marron : …. Jha’Meia, didn’t you say something about…

Aeris : (gasps and clings to Marron’s shirt) Sacrifice??

(everyone looks at Jha’Meia)

Jha’Meia : (laughs nervously) Eh… heh heh heh… maybe Sephiroth is just kidding with us… maybe he hid somewhere… heh heh heh, you know… eh heh heh… like sleight-of-hand tricks?

Laguna : Wow. No kidding. Then that’s one hell of a trick, disappearing from under half a ton of junk.

Aeris : We’ve got to get him back!

Shi’Iana : Why? Especially when he killed you twice?

Aeris : Well, it’s not good to hold grudges, and anyway, Sephiroth’s been the main focus of our rambles the first few times…

Marron : She has a point. But even if we did try to get him back , we wouldn’t know where to begin.

D’Brah : (voice begins quavering) I don’t believe this…. (hands quiver) He’s… gone…

Vincent : Perhaps we should end this ramble. Maybe Sephiroth will return in the next.

Jha’Meia : NO! I’ve had it with finishing rambles with weird endings that seem to be the start of another stupid affair. We stay here until we figure out a way to get Sephiroth back!!!

D’Brah : HE… HE CAN’T BE GONE!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!

Shi’Iana : But Jha, you don’t even like Sephiroth when he’s in our rambles…

Jha’Meia : That’s not the main point! He’s still our favourite character! You’re just still mad at him because he keeps healing himself whenever you want to kill him.

Shi’Iana : Hey….

D’Brah : *sniff* You’re the one who does the downloading of his pictures, too.

Shi’Iana : Hey!!

Laguna : I don’t see how all this is helping. A fellow character has just disappeared from under a whole load of junk, and you’re arguing? How on earth does the cupboard keep so much? It’s kinda shallow to me, and can’t possibly have stored all this… ( Waves hand to indicate pile of junk) and still have stuff sitting on its shelves?

(Everyone stares at Jha’Meia again )

Jha’Meia : Quit looking at me, dammit!!

Shi’Iana : I’m leaving. Sephiroth was right. You are getting a bit too strange. (leaves)

Marron : I think Vincent’s idea has merit. Perhaps we should end this ramble now.

Jha’Meia : But…

Laguna : He’ll be back in the next one… you’ll see. Come along now, Jha’Meia…

Jha’Meia : Hey!! Where’re you all going? Aeries? You too?

Aeris : Vincent does have a point.

D’Brah : And I promised Marron I’d have lunch with him.

Aeris : That’s not fair!

Jha’Meia : (only person left in the room) *sigh*. Okay, people, I guess this is

THE END

( Chuckles to self ) I LOVED WRITING THIS ONE!!! Don't worry. Seph'll be back. You oughta go back and read some more, too. ( snigger snigger)