Jha’Meia : What the - the hell?

Aeris : Morning, Jha! I’m back! ( hugs Jha’Meia ) It’s great to be back.

Jha’Meia : Did I plan this?

Jha’Meia’s inner Thoughts : No. I’m just making this up as I go. It’s just reflex creative writing.

Jha’Meia : Ooohhhhh… Oh dear.

Sephiroth : Now, THAT was a holiday.

Shi’Iana : ( comes in looking terrible ) Mor’ng.

Aeris : You look like you woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

Sephiroth : I have it on good authority she woke up in the wrong bed.

Aeris : Oh?

Sephiroth : Yeap. ( puts arm about Aeris ) Forget Zack, my dear. He never was the one for you.

Aeris : ZACK???

Shi’Iana : ( horrible growl ) Do NOT… mention that THING’s name.

Aeris : Whyever not?

Shi’Iana : I don’t like him!!

Jha’Meia : Come to think of it, you never told me why.

Shi’Iana : I don’t know why… I just don’t like him!!

Sephiroth : I like that answer.

Shi’Iana : Be quiet.

Sephiroth : Wait a minute, isn’t that MY line?

Jha’Meia : You heard her, Seph.

Sephiroth : Oh heck. Never mind.

Shi’Iana : SUCH a fine mood today, Sephiroth.

Sephiroth : Of course.

Jha’Meia : Okay… what did you two do last night?

Aeris : ( smiles eagerly ) We danced! It was absolutely wonderful! Then we had dinner, followed by a walk on the beach.

Jha’Meia : ( really looks at Aeris for the first time and notes flower-bikini. Surprisingly, the frilly flowers still look fresh ) Um… Why haven’t you changed yet?

Aeris : Oh! That. Well, I like this outfit!

Shi’Iana : ( leans forward to whisper into Jha’Meia’s ear ) Is that manipulate materia I see in Sephiroth’s pocket??

Jha’Meia : Um… yeah.

Shi’Iana : Well, what’s he waiting for, then??

Jha’Meia : Autumn?

Shi’Iana : Oh, gods. You’re horrible. ( slumps back into chair )

Jha’Meia : Seph… you… really should let go of Aeris so she can change.

Sephiroth : ( glares back mutinously )

Jha’Meia : Well, you don’t want anybody else seeing her like this, do you? Remember, Cloud beat you once.

Sephiroth : ( grudgingly ) Oh, very well. ( goes upstairs with Aeris )

Shi’Iana : You’ve gone stark raving mad, Jha. Either that… or you’re REALLY bored.

Jha’Meia : It hasn’t even come to the best part yet.

Shi’Iana : Oh?

Jha’Meia : I’m… expecting a few guests today.

Shi’Iana : Such as?

Jha’Meia : Our dear Jasmina Valentina from Avalanche Revived.

Shi’Iana : WHOA…. I gotta stick around now.

Jha’Meia : You should. ( rubs hands gleefully ) Oh, goody, here comes D’Brah.

D’Brah : May I know just what were you thinking of, leaving me and Shi’Iana at the mercy of Cloud and Zack??

Jha’Meia : What did they do? Torture you?

D’Brah : Worse. We had to go drinking with them.

Jha’Meia : And…?

D’Brah : Do you know how PAINFUL it is… because both CLOUD and ZACK have hairstyles that have as much effect as CACTUSES??? How do you like sleeping in a bed full of CACTUSES???

Jha’Meia : ( laughs ) I love writing.

D’Brah : I’ll get Jasmina to kill you.

Jha’Meia : Let’s see if she does!

( Jasmina comes in, looking about her suspiciously )

Jasmina : Where am I??

D’Brah : Jha’Meia’s Peanut Gallery House.

Jasmina : Well… This is my first time in a ramble!

Jha’Meia : Hey hey. That’s cool.

Jasmina : ( looks about ) What do you guys do in here?

Blaze : ( walks in, looking confused ) Where am I? Jasmina? You’re here too?

Misty : Blaze?

Blaze : Misty!

Magdalena : ( peeps around corner ) Whoa! Ramble room! Storm! Lu, honey, get your asses in here!!

Storm : ( walks in, looking about admiringly ) Nice place, creator!

Jha’Meia : Thank you.

Storm : And who’re you guys?

Jasmina : Jasmina Valentina of Avalanche Revived!

Blaze : Blaze Strife, Jasmina’s second-in-command and-

Storm : The Strife of the story… second-in-command?? Whoa, wait one minute there!!

Blaze : What?

Storm : You’re a Strife!! What’re you doing, being only second-in-command??

Jasmina : I’m the leader already.

Storm : Yeah, no kidding.

Jasmina : Then who’s YOUR second-in-command?

Storm : Simon Reeve. But he ain’t here today.

Magdalena : Bummer.

Jasmina : Who’s THAT?

Magdalena : ( bows mockingly ) Magdalena Highwind, at yer #$(*&)# service.

Misty : ( winces )

Magdalena : Whas’ the matter, honey? Never heard a #$)(*@#$# curse before?

Blaze : Don’t use that language in front of my girl!!

Magdalena : Who are you anyway?

Misty : Misty Highwind.

Magdalena : Shit… a Highwind that don’t curse!! Dad’s gotta hear this.

Storm : Anyway, for the score, Blaze, kiddo, this is MY girl… Lucrecia Kisaragi. The most beautiful girl in Wutai, Avalanche, and possibly the entire Planet.

( Vincent was just stepping into the room )

Vincent : WHAT?

Storm : Hey there, Uncle Vince!

Vincent : L… Lucrecia??

Lucrecia : ( smiles ) Hello, Father.

Vincent : ( jaw drops )

Jha’Meia : Whoopsie. Didn’t count on him coming in on this.

Shi’Iana : Liar.

Jha’Meia : My pants ain’t on fire.

Lucrecia Sr. : ( stepping into room ) What is it, Vincent?

Vincent : She… she…

Lucrecia Sr. : Who? Who? ( turns to see Lucrecia Jr. ) Oh, my, what a lovely girl! Who are you?

Lucrecia Jr. : Lucrecia Kisaragi. Named after you, ma’am.

Lucrecia Sr. : ( blinks )

D’Brah : I’ll go get Yuffie.

Jha’Meia : Thanks!

D’Brah : I’m sure she’d like meeting Erayshha.

Jha’Meia : Oh, hell, not that annoying brat!!

Vincent : Jha’Meia!! What’s this between me and Yuffie?

Jha’Meia : She’s the logical one to get you out of your moodiness?

Lucrecia Sr. : She does have a point.

Hojo : Hello everyone! I hear there’re some fine specimens - I mean, youngsters here!! ( sees Lucrecia Jr. ) Well, hello…

Lucrecia Jr. : Hello, professor.

Storm : What the hell do you mean… SIX HUNDRED YEARS?? Heck, we’re older than you!!

Jasmina : ExCUSE me?? Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you’re better!

Magdalena : How old are you, missy??

Jasmina : Nineteen.

Storm : Whoa, honey, waaaayyyy too young to properly learn how to lead a bunch of people!

D’Brah : Eraaaaayyyyshhaaaaaa!!

Erayshha : Yes, creator?

Yuffie : My gods!

Jha’Meia : Ah, Yuffie! Meet Lucrecia Kisaragi and Erayshha Mujin! Erayshha's your descendant by six hundred years, and Lucrecia's your daughter!

Yuffie : …… Lu…cre…cia….?

Shi’Iana : You and Vincent got together in Jha’Meia’s fanfic.

Yuffie : VINCENT?

Shi’Iana : ( nods head vigourously ) Cool eh?

Yuffie : COOL??

Hojo : Why… my own darling wife! What are you doing in such a horrible place as this?

Lucrecia Sr. : ( ignores Hojo and talks to Lucrecia Jr. instead )

Hojo : Come now, you can’t be all that mad at me… After all, we did have some good times…

Lucrecia Jr. : And now, Storm and I are a couple.

Lucrecia Sr. : Why, your credentials do you well, my dear! You’re a fine candidate to replace Hojo!

Lucrecia Jr. : ( curtsies deeply ) Thank you. I’m honoured to receive such praise from you, ma’am. I love your work!

Vincent : Yuffie… Yuffie… What is there to see in her?

Magdalena : ( talking to Misty ) Whaddya mean, you don’t curse?? Misty, Highwinds are SUPPOSED to curse!! You’re the descendant of the great Cid Highwind!

Storm : ( yelling at Blaze ) WAIT A MINUTE! Are you saying that even with the Ultima Weapon in your grasp, you still aren’t as good as Jasmina?? With her puny fake Masamune??

Jasmina : WHAT DID YOU SAY??? Masamane is the greatest weapon on the face of the Planet!!

Storm : I believe that as much as I believe gil grow on trees.

Sephiroth : ( walks in on uproar ) My, my… look at those… urrm… children.

Storm : ( turns ) Hey, Seph!!

Sephiroth : Huh?

Jha’Meia : Seph, this is Storm Strife, your good friend in my fanfic.

Jasmina : … YOU…… ( muscle in cheek twitch dangerously )

Sephiroth : And the young lady about to take my head off my shoulders is?

D’Brah : Jasmina Valentina. Your descendant.

Sephiroth : MAY I know how that came about??

D’Brah : No, you may not.

Yuffie : I still can’t believe I actually married Vincent in Jha’Meia’s fanfic.

Shi’Iana : You didn’t.

Yuffie : Sorry?

Shi’Iana : You didn’t marry Vincent.

Yuffie : ……..

Akiranni : MOM!!! ( runs up to Yuffie and gives her a big hug ) MOM!!

Yuffie : And… this is?

Shi’Iana : Akiranni, your third child.

Yuffie : THIRD??

Shi’Iana : Yeap. Lucrecia is a younger twin. Godo is your son and heir, while Akiranni is your third child. All fathered by Vincent, too.

Vincent : WHAT??

Akiranni : Hi Dad!!

Vincent : What’s with the funny headband?

Akiranni : Don’t you know? It’s what happened when I inherited your Chaos Limit Break! My ears couldn’t change back!!

Vincent : ……

Jasmina : ( pulls out masamane ) SON OF JENOVA!!!!! ( Screams and rushes at Sephiroth )

Sephiroth : This looks bad. ( pulls out masamune and prepares for combat. Pretty soon, the two of them are clashing swords, Sephiroth STILL looking kind of blur ) WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ATTACKING ME??? HEY WRITER!! AREN'T GRANDKIS SUPPOSED TO, LIKE, RESPECT THEIR ELDERS???

Jha’Meia : See? This is what comes from instilling hate into your characters!

D’Brah : Hey, give me a break! At least she’s passionate about something!!

Jha’Meia : Right now she’s passionate about killing off one of our favourite charactes.

D’Brah : Sha can replace him.

Jha’Meia : Don’t think she’s appreciate that.

Erayshha : Hey… lookie lookie! Materia!

Akiranni : I saw it first!

Erayshha : Buzz off, kitten girl.

Akiranni : WHAT DID YOU SAY, KID??

Erayshha : WHAT DID YOU CALL ME???

Lucrecia Jr. : Oh, dear… Kira! Come back here!

Akiranni : You asked for it, missy!! ( hands transform into claws )

Erayshha : ( takes out Tiannes Whip ) Bring it on!!

Jasmina : ( struggling against Storm and Magdalena’s grasps ) LET ME GO!! I’LL KILL HIM!!!

Storm : Hell, no, kiddie. That’s our friend you’re threatening there.

Magdalena : Besides, that’s no way to act in another person’s house.

Jha’Meia : Maybe… maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

Misty : Why are you protecting him? He’s evil! Everyone knows that.

Sephiroth : Ahh… once again resigned to the role of the villain.

Aeris : What’s going on?

Sephiroth : Nothing. Nothing at all. ( takes her arm and goes upstairs with her ) Why don't we go someplace more quiet... I'm sure we can find something more interesting to do...

Vincent : Akiranni!! Stop that!!

Yuffie : Erayshha!!

Vincent : They must get it from your side.

Yuffie : Oh?

Vincent : See? Both of them have tempers. ( smiles smugly ) But our elder daughter doesn’t have a temper herself.

Yuffie : ( grudgingly ) Very well, your side fares slightly better in the genetic roll.

Vincent : And don’t I know it.

Lucrecia Jr. : Kira!!

Akiranni : ( halfway swiping at Erayshha ) WHAT?!?

Lucrecia Jr. : Stop that! You’re upsetting our hosts!

Akiranni : Oh. Sorry.

Erayshha and Akiranni : ( look shamed-faced )

Vincent : No harm done, children.

Erayshha : I’m not a child!

Akiranni : But I’m your little girl, aren’t I, Daddy? ( smiles and hugs Vincent )

Vincent : ( looks at Erayshha, who’s scowling at him ) Definitely not my child, there.

Erayshha : I can’t believe you actually hooked up with my ancestor!

Vincent : I can’t believe someone as ill-tempered as you could be descended fom her.

Hojo : ( still sweet-talking his ex-wife ) After all, don’t you remember our honeymoon? We took a trip to that lovely, quiet town…

Lucrecia Sr. : That was different.

Hojo : ( tentacle going about Lucrecia’s waist ) Come on, honey, you were such a forgiving person! I know you still are. ( kisses her )

Shi’Iana : I’m going to be sick.

Jha’Meia : Don’t mind if I follow.

( they go out )
(they come back )
Jha’Meia : •_•

Storm : ( sighs ) We tried, creator, we really did. But that Jasmina.. she got really crazy!

Jha’Meia : ( looks visibly angry ) D’BRAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

D’Brah : Yeah? ( looks about the room ) Oh, gods.

Jha’Meia : Get your characters to clean up that bloody mess!! Immediately!!

Magdalena : Does this apply to us?

Jha’Meia : Considering you couldn’t move your lousy asses fast enough to stop that crazy girl, YES!!

Magdalena : Damn.

Jha’Meia : GET MOVING!!!

Storm : I swear, when I get my hands on that Jasmina gal…

Vincent : ( looks about ) Where’s Lucrecia?

Lucrecia Jr. : Here, Father.

Vincent : I meant… Oh never mind. Let’s go out for a family outing, then.

Akiranni : Yippeee!!

Yuffie : Fine idea… considering Jha’Meia’s getting the others to clean up the house. Coming Erayshha? I’m sure Vincent and the others won’t mind.

Akiranni : C’mon! We can get him to get us ice-cream!! And maybe some materia!!

Erayshha : ( looks at messy house and decides not to help ) Okay!

( Loud clanging and clashing noises from upstairs )

Blaze : What now??

Misty : Oh dear…

Storm : Holy #()*$*()##$

Magdalena : That was my line, Storm.

Storm : Who gives a damn.

Shi’Iana : Bet you Seph was having a make-out session with Aeris. I don't suppose he's too happy about being interrupted. You know how he is about people blocking him from his goals.

D’Brah and Jha’Meia : Shi-Ia-na!!

Shi’Iana : Couldn’t resist.

SOMEWHERE ELSE
Hojo : Why's everyone looking at us? Haven't they seen a man and his wife talk to each other before?

Lucrecia : Maybe it has something to do with those tentacles that wave along to your singing.