(It is morning. Jha’Meia walks into living room and picks up TV remote from coffee table so she can watch the morning cartoons. She turns to sit on sofa but instead ends up staring at the occupant)

Shi’Iana : (coming in) G’morning. (yawns) Hey, Jha, what’ya staring at?

Jha’Meia : Do I believe mine eyes?

Shi’Iana : (coming to stand next to Jha’Meia) What is it? (eyes widen) Oh, my, my.

Jha’Meia : What’s he doing here? He doesn’t even like being in the same house as Kat. Perhaps D’Brah… no, she’s still too preoccupied with Marron.

Shi’Iana : Aeris?

Jha’Meia : Now, *that*’s a likely candidate for this. After all, he killed her about twice. But (sigh) she’s too innocent to do such a thing.

Shi’Iana : Maybe Tira got over Carrot.

Jha’Meia : Never in a million years. How can you get over a guy whom you have a duty to whip back into shape? And why would she choose him? And do that?

D’Brah : (coming in) Good morning, you two. You know what I dreamt? (Sees what Shi’Iana and Jha’Meia is staring at) EEEK! (runs out)

Jha’Meia : And he didn’t even hear her. Very, very odd.

Katherina : (walks in) Good morning, Creator. You look perplexed.

Jha’Meia : Is this your doing?

Katherina : (standing next to Jha’Meia, then hides smile behind hand and giggles) I sure wish I could take the blame for this one. Tee hee hee. But unfortunately, I haven’t the faintest idea what happened to him.

(Laguna and Vincent stroll in, chatting amiably)

Vincent : (stopping) Do you see what I see?

Laguna : How - ? (eyes flying to look at Jha’Meia and Shi’Iana)

Jha’Meia : (holds up hands defensively) I didn’t.

Shi’Iana : Nor did I. Urrmm… (Clears throat) Laguna, why don’t you and I go have breakfast?

Laguna : Good idea… considering… (takes Shi’Iana’s arm and leaves with her)

Vincent : Would this be cause for alarm?

Jha’Meia : For most of the girls? I don’t think so. For him? Hell, yeah. Katherina, wake him up.

Katherina : (sits on couch next to the sleeping occupant) Sephiroth, hon, I think you’d better wake up. Sephiroth?

Sephiroth : (mumbles and rolls over, facing outside and giving full frontal view)

Jha’Meia : (winces) Oh geez…

Vincent : (Clears throat) I think I shall have my morning meal. Care to join me?

Jha’Meia : Not until I get to the bottom of this. Why don’t you ask D’Brah if she’d like to join you?

Vincent : Very well, then. (leaves room)

Katherina : Sephiroth, I think you better wake up.

Sephiroth : (crabby morning mood) What is it??

Katherina : Well, you might be disturbing other people to, if you don’t realize what’s wrong… I don’t mind your current circumstances, but you might mind my liking it.

Sephiroth : What the hell are you talking about?? Get to the point!!!

Katherina : Just look at yourself, you bloody dolt!!

Sephiroth : (Looks down at himself) … … … …

Jha’Meia : I’m beginning to love this one. (Turns to living room door) Hey girls!!! He’s coming to! Come and watch, Shi’Iana!

Shi’Iana : (rushes in, takes one look at Sephiroth and starts hiding her face in her hands) Oh my god!!

Jha’Meia : I love being a writer, but this is way too much.

(D’Brah, Vincent, Laguna, Marron and Aeris come in)

Aeris : EEEEEKKK!!!!

Sephiroth : What… may I know, have you done… to my clothes?

Katherina : (holds up hands in defense) I swear I hadn’t anything to do with it.

Marron : His name is Sephiroth, no? Sephiroth, why are you naked?

Sephiroth : (turns to Jha’Meia) YOU! You’re the writer!! What happened???

Jha’Meia : (scratches head) I’m still working on it.

Sephiroth : (holding largest cushion over himself.) Well, you’d better work on it faster!

Jha’Meia : But this is so amusing. Why would I want to?

Sephiroth : (pulls out masamune) Someone wishes to become one with the Planet…

Jha’Meia : (grumbles) Oh, very well… (thinks for a moment) Sorry, but this is way too weird for me! Give me some time to figure it -

Vincent : I detect horrible cackling from behind the television.

D’Brah : Just call it a TV, Vincent. But you’re right, it is cackling.

Laguna : (walks over to the Tv set cautiously, then strikes out and pushes it off to a side.)

Jha’Meia : Oh, $#!+! I havent even finished paying the installments on that thing yet!!!

Laguna : Sorry. Who is this? (stares at weird, twisted looking old man hiding behind tape cabinet)

Shi’Iana, D’Brah, Jha’Meia, Katherina, Vincent, Aeris and Sephiroth : HOJO!!!

Marron : Who is he?

Hojo : (pops head from behind tape cabinet, grinning maniacally at Sephiroth) Well, *Hello*, my JENOVA-infused son!

Sephiroth : ( growls beneath his breath )

Laguna : (turns to Shi’Iana) He’s the father of our naked friend?

Sephiroth : (flushing right to his hairline) I’m not your friend!

Katherina : (can’t resist pointing out=>) But you’re naked.

Sephiroth : Don’t you ever shut up??

Jha’Meia : What are you doing in my house, you bloody imbecilic ass??

Hojo : (heaves heavy sigh) It would appear my experiment to discover what you females would do in the presence of a naked man has little results… except, of course, for the Ancient’s readings… and were they readings!! And what’s more- (Katherina snaps fingers and Hojo disappears)

Laguna : (blinks)

Vincent : (blinks)

Marron : (blinks) How’d she do that?

Jha’Meia : She’s an agent of the Powers-That-Be. She can do anything she likes. (looks at Sephiroth) Um, Kat, I think you’d better get him dressed.

Katherina : Why?

Jha’Meia : For the sake of modesty on everyone’s behalf. Please.

Katherina : Oh, very well. I’ll see if I can locate his clothes. (closes eyes and sends mind whizzing somewhere… then frowns and opens eyes) Where’s his room?

(Everyone turns to look at Jha’Meia)

Jha’Meia : (blinks) Gee…. I don’t know….

Katherina : (sniffs disdainfully) I knew he should’ve shacked up with me.

Sephiroth : (mutters) Thank gods I’m not.

D’Brah : (scandalized tone) Kat, PUH-LEAZE! Just snap your fingers and be done with it!!

Katherina : All right. (snaps fingers and Sephiroth is fully dressed)

Sephiroth : I stand relieved. (gets up) Now get me some breakfast and I might not kill you.

Katherina : I stand disgruntled. (pouts)

Shi’Iana : (turning to Jha’Meia) I hope the twit brother of yours hasn’t burned our food.

Jha’Meia : He’s cooking breakfast? WHY THE HELL DID YOU ALLOW HIM TO COOK-

D’Brah : The kitchen’s on fire!!!!!

Jha’Meia : Dammit, I hate having to end rambles with another bloody debacle!!!