Jha’Meia : Trust those two to go couple-watching, and forget the time… gosh, I think I’ve missed more’n half my morning cartoons already. And man, that homework’s really breaking my back. What the -
( Sitting across her in a small playhouse chair, is a little boy who looks very serious. He’s staring quietly at yours truly. )
Jha’Meia : ( blinks ) Where did you come from?
Little Boy : ( points out the window )
Jha’Meia : You don’t talk much, do you.
Little Boy : ( shakes head )
Jha’Meia : So… what’s your name?
Little Boy : ( shrugs )
Jha’Meia : ( slaps forehead ) This is getting nowhere.
Little Boy : ( nods )
Jha’Meia : ( studies little boy ) What the - You have silver hair!
Little Boy : ( pulls lock from back of his head to the front to study it, then nods )
Jha’Meia : ( studies little boy more intensely ) You have blue eyes!
Little Boy : ( pats area around eyes, then shrugs )
Jha’Meia : … …. SHI’IANA!!!! D’BRAH!!!! SEPHIROTH!!!! CHOCOLATE!!! VINCENT!!! LUCRECIA!!! GET DOWN HERE!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!
Sephiroth : ( coming down stairs ) You sure have a piercing voice, Jha’Meia. What is it?
Jha’Meia : THAT! LOOK AT THAT!!
Little Boy : ( looks at Sephiroth and smiles )
Sephiroth : What’s with the policeman cap?
Chocolate : Oh, my, what a darling cute boy!
Jha’Meia : CUTE BOY YES! LOOK AT HIM! CAREFULLY!! LOOK!
Shi’Iana : Why are you so hysterical, Jha?
Jha’Meia : Uh, you take a look at that kid and ask me that again.
D’Brah : Silver hair?
Shi’Iana : Policeman cap?
Lucrecia : What is it?
Jha’Meia : Guess what? You’ve the proud grandmother of a little boy!!
Vincent : WHAT?!?
Everyone : ( stares at the little boy in great degrees of shock )
Little Boy : ( runs to a very shocked Chocolate and hugs her )
Chocolate : Oh gods. How -- ??
Sephiroth : You’re gone too far now, writer!
Jha’Meia : Oh, haven’t I. Tell me about it.
Sephiroth : Well?? Where did this little boy come from?
Jha’Meia : You’re asking me!! I dunno! I just came downstairs and there he was!! Sitting there staring at me!! He’s creepier than you!
Lucrecia : Sephiroth, dear, you haven’t -
Sephiroth : I DIDN’T! ( swings around to Chocolate ) Unless you did something!
Chocolate : I didn’t do anything! I’m just as shocked as you are!!
Shi’Iana : Okay… okay… we’re all calm… we’re all calm…
D’Brah : We are the calmest people on the face of the earth.
( pause )
Everyone except little boy : AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
Little Girl : Hello!
( Everyone swings around to see little girl with glowing green eyes and brown hair braided up in pigtails , smiling up at all of them )
( pause )
Everyone except little boy and little girl : AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!
( Everyone screams their hearts out for a while, then Lucrecia calms down enough to kneel to the little girl’s level and ask some questions )
Lucrecia : Who’s your mother?
Little Girl : I don’t know.
Lucrecia : Then who’s your father?
Little Girl : ( pointing at Sephiroth ) I think it’s him.
D’Brah : Definitely more talkative than the little boy.
Lucrecia : Who brought you here?
Little Girl : A funny looking old man.
Lucrecia : Was it the same man who brought him here? ( points at little boy, still hugging the freaked-out Chocolate )
Little Girl : ( frowns in thought ) I think so.
Jha’Meia : HOJO?!?!?
Little Girl : ( claps hands in delight ) Yes! That’s his name!
Shi’Iana : How did he bring you here?
Little Girl : In a car.
Shi’Iana : Did he say anything?
Little Girl : I don’t know. He kept mumbling to himself, so I couldn’t hear.
Lucrecia : Have you seen him before? ( nods towards the little boy again )
Little Girl : In the lab.
D’Brah : Oh, that answers a lot of questions.
Jha’Meia : HOJO’S IN THE HOUSE! FIND HIM!! GET HIM HERE!!!
( Aeris comes in )
Aeris : Oh, my goodness! What darling children! Whose are they?
Vincent : You wouldn’t believe it.
Aeris : Whyever not?
Little Girl : Mommy! ( runs to Aeris and hugs her ) Hello Mommy!!
Aeris : … … …
Vincent : Told you so.
Jha’Meia : That boy’s mother is Chocolate, but his father is Sephiroth, too.
Aeris : Too?
Jha’Meia : Yes, TOO. Look at her eyes.
Aeris : ( looks down at her ‘daughter’ ) What pretty glowing eyes!
Little Girl : ( glows with praise )
Aeris : You’re such a cute little girl! ( carries little girl into her arms ) You look around six years old… hmmm…
Shi’Iana : Boy, that’s accelerated.
Vincent : ( holding Hojo by the scruff of the neck ) I found him.
Hojo : Hee hee hee hee hee hee!! I’ve done it haven’t I? Haven’t I? Look at them! Hee hee hee!
Sephiroth : ( pulls out masamune )
Jha’Meia : WAIT! I wanna hear what he has to say for himself.
Vincent : ( shaking Hojo roughly ) Well?
Hojo : ( still giggling madly ) You wouldn’t believe the flash of inspiration I just had, you see, I just decided to join half the chromosomes from one of Sephiroth’s blood cells to half the chromosomes of a female… and the great thing was my dear son happened to be with TWO females, SOOoooooOOo, what mad scientist would give up a chance like that to do some experimentation, especially when I was soooOOooo curious about the effects of this experiment on someone not from the FF VII world? Hmmm? You tell me that!!
Everyone : …. …
Jha’Meia : Quite a mouthful.
Aeris : ( puts down little girl ) Why, you… horrible man!
Hojo : ( still giggling madly )Yes, my dear experiment, I know!
D’Brah : Imbecile! Vincent, shake him!
Vincent : ( gives Hojo a good vigourous shake )
Sephiroth : Can I kill him now?
Jha’Meia : JUMP HIM!!!
( Everyone jumps Hojo and begins punching and beating him up as much as they can. He keeps healing himself ( heck, self experimentation!) so they always come back for some more. )
( Meanwhile…)
Little Girl : ( approaching little boy ) Wanna play ball with me?
Little Boy : Sure.
( And the little girl and little boy run off into the sunset playing ball. )
THE END