| TOP TEN |
| I present, for your entertainment and amusment, my top ten..... |
| HomeWork Excuses |
| 1) ' I'm so sorry miss' (let eyes fill up with tears) ' But there are problems at home, can I talk to you about it after the lesson?' Don't mention till the last minute that the 'problems' are that you pet bunny has died 2) 'I wasn't here when it was set' Ensure the truthfulness of this by skiving as many lessons as possible.. 3) 'Look let's be frank, I haven't done it because I was too busy getting laid last night' Suggested by Laura Comer, rather crude but undoubtly effective. 4) 'My dog ate it' This one always works, on the premise that no one would say such an outragiously cliche-ed thing if it wasn't true. Ha, how little they know 5) 'The computer wouldn't print'/'There weren't any free computers' Particularly believeable if you go to Fakenham college. Technology school status? Pah! Then why is there only aout 2 working printers in the whole of college, all being used to print off GSCE work for upstart year 11 I.C.T student. 6) 'Ok miss' Bring switchblade out from under table 'I really wanted to do the homework, but the voices had other plans' Sure you'll be locked up in a mental insitiute for the rest of your life - but just think, no more essays 7) (for English homework) 'I know we were supposed to analyse one chapter, but I was so entranced and inspired by the authors pain and suffering that I wrote a 400 page novel instead, based on the drab pointless fate that is human existance' Then insist your teacher cannot read the novel as you are too shy. 8) (northen accent) 'Eh, by gum I 'ad t' walk FIFTEEN mile t' college this mornin', wi' bare feet . I 'ad been workin' in t' mines t' night b'for an' 'ad t' sleep in a cardboard box so I was far too tired t' do any 'omework. An' I was LUCKY' What do you mean, I'm just ripping off a monty python sketch? eh, wouldn't 'appen in my day... 9) 'Whats the point anyway?' With any luck the teacher will launch into a government-approved lecture on the merits of further education (to keep the unemployment figures down, oops did I say that out loud?) which will take all lesson, so they forget to set any more homework and my personal favourite 10) 'I'm ever so sorry sir' Lean forward slightly - a low cut top helps 'But I just couldn't understand the homework' Girly giggle 'Perhaps' Wide-eyed blink 'Perhaps if I stayed behind after the lesson you could take me into your office and explain it to me' What? How did you think I passed GCSE chemistry? |