And before you start, I know this completely disregards any reality that DBZ may have been created in. I know the manga existed before the anime but it suits my purposes to have Toriyama-san and a Director discussing the story before it's actually created.
Attendant on Megaphone: "Alright, this is the last call for canditates for DBZ Bad Guy Auditions. All canditates collect your numbers and line up in order. If you miss your spot you're automatically disregarded. Let's go...! Could canditates further remember that killing any member of the cast or production crew will result in your immediate disqualification!"
[There was a bit of grumbling but eventually a line of canditates formed. They were a very mismatched bunch, some tall, come short, thin, fat, clothed and unclothed. But each of them was hoping to be awarded the position of Bad Guy in DBZ. And secretly they were all hoping for the position of Ultimate Bad Guy. The line formed before a warehouse type building - the Television Studio where it would be produced and of course, the Manga's Creator was there to see what type of Bad Guys he was going to have to portray.]
Inside the Building: Toriyama-san sat with a neat check list before him. He had a definite idea of the attributes to be displayed by those who would qualify as DBZ Bad Guys. The Director was sitting next to him with his own checklist. Sitting around them both was the rest of the DBZ cast. Goku was sitting with Chichi who was latched on to his arm. Kami-sama and Mr Popo were sitting as well, although Kami-sama kept casting black looks at Goku for having turned down the offer to be God. Muten Roshi had Oolong sitting on his shoulder and they were both drooling over the lastest 'Play Bunny.' Bulma and Yamcha were making out in a darkened corner and Lunch was attempting to do the same with a resisting Tenshinhan. Choazu, Kuririn, Turtle, Pu'ar and Guamo were having a heated card game.
Attendant #1: "Alright, let's get this over with. It's time to find out who you guys are going to be fighting. Bring out the Bad Guys!..."
[Everyone sort of looked at attention at the stage were the auditions would take place. Although that didn't last long, leaving only Toriyama-san and the Director paying much attention to the pending auditions.]
Attendant #2: "Number One! Call for the first Audition - Group Name Zentradi."
Zentradi #1: "Hello, we're the Zentradi."
[The Attendant marked them off on his checklist.]
Director: "What is this? You're just human!"
Zentradi #2: "No, no, no! We're not human! We're interstellar beings who just look human! Plus we can transform."
Toriyama (interested): "Transform?"
Zentradi #1: "Yes sir! We can transform. It's really quite simple. We enter the processing tanks and are reformed to our previous height of 30 feet."
Toriyama (somewhat crestfallen): "You can't do it by yourselves?"
Zentradi #2: "No. It's the processing tank or nothing. But in addition to ourselves, we've got a whole fleet of new technology and characters."
[Several pictures of weapons and mecha's appeared followed by pictures of various people.]
Director: "Enough! Big mecha has already been done by Red Ribon and the last thing we need is new characters. It's hard enough giving everyone enough air time without having to cut down on that! You're too human to be useful to us. NEXT!"
Attendant #2: "Number Two. Call for the second audition - Name Piccolo Junior."
Toriyama: "You again!"
Goku: "You've already been the Bad Guy!"
Piccolo (torn between glaring at Toriyama, Goku or Kami-sama): "..."
Toriyama: "You're not even supposed to exist!" [He turns to glare at Kami-sama.] "After Goku defeated him at the Tenkaichi Budokai, *you* were *supposed* to remerge with him, *NOT* try to kill him, baka! In his condition, you would have been dominant in the merging and that was supposed to be the end of Piccolo. But no you wouldn't merge and you..." [He turns to glare at Goku now.] "You had to go and give him a senzu! If Kami-sama was not going to merge, you couldn't have just let him die of natural causes?"
Piccolo, Goku and Kami-sama: "..."
Director [to Toriyama]: "Maa maa... Why don't we find out what he has to offer?" [To Piccolo] "Well Piccolo Junior, why should you again be a Bad Guy for DBZ? You've failed once already."
Piccolo (with trade marked sneer in place): "You don't really believe that fans will be satisfied if I just disappear? I happen to be a very popular character and being asexual, I appeal to both sexes."
Director (looking unimpressed or maybe that's slightly jealous): "And..?"
Piccolo: "I said I would be back. I'm feared by the known world and as you said I have a history with the cast. Plus I have a singleness of purpose which only Goku can match." [Piccolo's canines showed.]
Toriyama (eyes narrowing in speculation): "Hmmm... I think we can use you. You *are,* as you say, an established character. You don't fit *all* my criteria but you should be a good starting point." (Toriyama had an evil grin in place now.)
Piccolo (looking apprehensive): "Nani? What are you planning?"
Toriyama (innocently): "Nothing." [He leans over to talk to the Director.] "He can go in, but since he's had his shot a Bad Guy, why don't we have his attempts post poned by the arrival of the other Bad Guys. That way he'll be so busy defending the world he's going to conquer that he won't have the time *to* conquer it."
Director (nodding): "Yoshi, yoshi... But he still needs a reason. I mean, he could just let the new Bad Guy conquer the world before he decides to take over..."
Toriyama: "Hmm..." [He flicks through a couple of pages variously labelled "Script," "Girls 'R' Us," "Future Characters" and "How to Draw Manga."] "How about Goku's kid? I think we can work out something with that."
Director: "Good! Alright Piccolo, you're in! Welcome aboard."
Piccolo (grinning evilly and flicking his eyes between Goku and Kami-sama): "I'll get my revenge on both of you!"
Toriyama: "Yes, yes Piccolo. Now sit down. NEXT!"
[Piccolo moved to hover in the furtherest point from both Goku and Kami-sama, glaring at them both. He had no idea of the horror which was to be inflicted upon him or he might not have looked so smug at returning to the cast.]
Attendant #2: "Number Three! Call for the Third Audition - Group Name Bugrom."
[There were various skitters from around the place but no one actually materialised.]
Attendant #2(louder this time): "Number Three! Call for the Third Audition! If you miss your place you will be discounted!"
[There was a burst of music accompanied by theatrical smoke which poured into the room. A spot light was activated behind the smoke casting the procession which was approaching in shadow. It was lead by several fragile seeming insectoid creatures. Several more burly ones followed them in two groups of four, each group carrying a litter. When the smoke cleared the place was absolutely crawling, literally, with Bugrom of all shapes and sizes.]
Director (with speculative look, nodding to himself.): "Hmm... Got possibilities."
Goku (looking at the hundreds of insectoid forms and waving the smoke away): "So, what do you have to offer as Bad Guys?"
[He spoke up because the Director and Toriyama were both busy coughing the smoke out of their lungs.]
Jinnae {A/N Is that how it's spelt?}(With his trade marked insane laugh.): "We are the Bugrom. We shall conquer everything!"
[The Queen looked on with an approving and adoring expression.]
Toriyama: "Is there anything else? What about your previous fighting record? It looks good if you have a fearsome reputation."
Jinnae (a bit flushed and in a high squeak): "Makoto will not stand in our way any longer. The defeats of the past shall be avenged and I shall rule supreme!"
Director (looking resigned): "Who's your leader?"
Queen (languidly): "I am. Jinnae-sama is my trusted General."
Director: "Some one tell me their fighting power!"
[A mischellaneous Attendant wearing a scouter stepped forward. They pressed a button on the side and numbers began scrolling over the greenish colored glass that was covering ther eye. The Attendant looked around, getting readings on all the Bugrom present.]
Attendant #3: "Err... Sir, do you want their group reading or the highest individual reading?"
Director: "Highest individual. This is DBZ. There has to be one ultra powerful being with henchmen."
Attendant #3(with sweat drop): "..."
Director: "Speak up man!"
Attendant #3: "Highest individual reading is 0.1."
[The cast collapsed, feet twitching in the air. Piccolo even fell out of his meditation hover.]
Toriyama: "P...p...point o...one! What is this?! GET OUT OF HERE! YOU WOULDN'T EVEN QUALIFY FOR A DB BAD GUY! YOU'D BE GOKU'S LUNCH!!!" (His expression became calculating.) [Turning towards Goku.] "Oh Goku..? How'd you like to eat them?"
Goku (slight smirk): "Sure. I am a little hungry!"
[Jinnae looked at the horror decending upon him and quickly scrambled to his feet, leapt down from his litter and lead the retreat, without once looking back. The other Bugrom followed at a very smart pace.]
Director (with a small snarl): Call the next one.
[Attendant #2 completely crossed the Bugrom off his list before looking for the next canditate.]
Attendant #2: "Number Four. Call for the Forth Audition - Name ..."
To Be Continued...