Part 1
By Kotzebue ([email protected])
Summary: I got the idea for this fic before I read any spoilers. I just got tired of seeing re-runs and I wanted Jack and Tobey to get together already!! This fic takes place after episode 416 (Mind Games).
Authors note: I'm not a writer and this is my first fic, please bear with me. :-) I would like to thank Maria for all her support. Please send feedback to [email protected]
This is spring, huh? Jack thought as he stepped out of his house buttoning up his jacket. Cascades of snowflakes fell around him. He was ready for the dreary weather to end and relieve him of the foul mood he was constantly in. Jack was kind of a loner but this was really enough. His Dad was rarely home and his sister, Andie, was away in Europe. The McPhee family home is too big for one person alone and just compounds the loneliness.
Yet there was something besides loneliness troubling Jack. Tobey had the opinion that Jack was full of self-hatred. Jack was beginning to wonder it Tobey was right.
"Hey Will!" Jen yelled to Jack.
Jack kept walking toward his sister's Saab, lost in his inner turmoil.
"Hey Wilma, wait up!" she shouted in vain.
Jack opened the car door. He heard nothing but his thoughts, tumbling through his head like snowflakes made of bricks.
"Jack, didn't you hear me calling you?" Jen said breathlessly as she ran up to the car.
"What? Oh, Hi Jen. I guess I was lost in thought," he responded vacantly.
Sensing Jack's introspection Jen asked, "Hey, do you want to get some coffee and you can unburden your soul. You know, I would love to play shrink for someone else for a change."
Jack flashed a small grin. "While the prospect of getting my head shrunk by you, Jen is appealing, I can't. I'm on my way to Jordan Junior High for my tutoring job."
"I'll take a raincheck......Hey, does that mean you're going to see Tobey," she said with a devilish grin.
Jack shook his head, "I can't get anything by you, Jen. Yes, you know Tobey will be there."
"Well," Jen searched the heavens for inspiration, "Could you tell him that I'm keeping his copy of The Broken Hearts Club a little longer."
"Jen, come on, if that's your thinly veiled attempt to get me to talk to Tobey, it's pretty weak," he said with a sigh.
"You can't blame a girl for trying," Jen shrugged.
"Yeah, well, your approach is about as subtle as a Mack truck."
"Jackers, I haven't given up on you yet!" Jen exclaimed.
Oh God, I wish she would, Jack thought. "See ya, Grace!" he yelled as he started up the car.
"'Night Will," Jen said as she walked in the direction of the coffee shop.
Tobey kept a friendly distance while tutoring with Jack. It stung when Jack remembered the 'almost' date he had with Tobey at the coffee shop. Well, okay, it wasn't a date......or so Jack thought, he was tricked into it. But why did he react so harshly? Is it so bad that another guy took an interest in him? Maybe Jack did have a problem.
Abruptly he was taken out of his thoughts, Jack suddenly realized he was at his destination. He must have been driving on automatic pilot. As Jack walked in, he realized that they had already started. Talking to Jen had made him a little late. As he was taking off his coat and getting his materials together, Jack could hear Tobey helping a young kid to read.
".......his mo.....mo.....I can't," the boy said in desperation.
"Sound it out," Tobey said reassuringly.
"mo.....ther call-ed to him 'Wild Thing' and Max said 'I'll eat you up!'........... So he was sent to bed with......out eat.......ing anything," the boy read smiling.
"Very good, Justin!" Tobey encouraged.
Jack walked over to his student. "Hey, buddy, I'm really sorry I'm late."
"I would have left......but you're lucky I have to wait for my mom to pick me up," Will said.
"Sorry, I won't let it happen again," Jack said as he flipped down the bill of Will's baseball hat.
After the session ended and the kids were filing out of the room, Jack walked up to Tobey. "You know, I'm really glad you didn't give up on coming here, because you were really great with Justin," Jack said shyly.
Tobey glanced up from packing up his knapsack, startled at the fact that Jack initiated conversation with him. He stared back down at his knapsack for a moment before looking upward and answering. "Well, thanks. And I take that as a big compliment coming from our best tutor."
"Well....ah....I wouldn't say that......What were you reading anyway?" Jack asked.
"Where The Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak. It was my favorite book as a little kid."
"Oh yeah, I remember that one. Max hangs out with the wild things until he wants to go back home."
"...to be 'where someone loved him best of all,'" Tobey refined Jack's statement. Tobey went on to say, "I used to pretend that I was Max ruling over the wild things."
"I guess you're still living in that dream world because isn't that what we're doing here?" he joked.
Tobey lightly chucked, "Yeah, well, just don't let the parents hear you say that."
Jack grinned as he slipped into his leather jacket and shyly looked away. "Well, I'm off......I guess...I'll see you next week."
"Bye, Jack."
That was different. Jack was actually able to have a conversation with Tobey without it escalating into a major discussion on how apolitical Jack was. The snow stopped falling and the air had gown noticeably warmer. This and the positive talk with Tobey had a calming effect on Jack. Perhaps they could be friends after all.
The next week went by slowly for Jack. His mind was consumed with thoughts that just wouldn't stop. He wanted to move on with his life, yet something was holding him back. How could he have a problem with being gay when he had fought so hard to be truthful about himself? He just didn't want to be different. He had felt so different his whole life and now he just wanted to be like everyone else.
Jack arrived early to his tutoring session that week, before the kids, before Tobey. He settled down at the desk, waiting for Will. Will was a curious kid with an active imagination, something to which Jack could definitely relate. Jack had been looking forward to this all week. How sad is it for the highlight of a teenager's life to be spending a Saturday night with a bunch of little kids.
"Wow, you're here," Will said as he walked up to Jack.
"Hey, give a guy a break. I was late once," Jack went on to say, "So, what do we have in store for your aliens this week?"
"I was thinking that they should make me their ruler....."
After an hour of ruling the aliens Jack said, "Great job, buddy, keep up with the good work.......See you next week." Jack saw Will to the door to meet his mom. Again Jack and Tobey were alone gathering their supplies.
"So.....Tobey, how did it go this week?" Jack asked.
Tobey looked up at Jack, this time not startled at the fact that for the second time the dark haired boy initiated a conversation with him. "He's really coming along. We were able to move on to a more difficult book, closer to his age range. Once they diagnosed his learning disability and got him some one on one help, he really started to progress."
"It helps that you're so patient with him." Jack hesitated, wanting to keep talking with Tobey, but suddenly he was at a loss for words.
Tobey glanced at the clock on the wall. "Wow, is that the time, I really have to get out of here if I'm going to catch the bus." he said while grabbing his jacket and bag, heading toward the door. Jack quickly followed. Just as the boys reached the street, they saw the bus roaring away from them.
"Damn and the next one doesn't come for an hour." Tobey said defeated.
"Well....Um....I can give you a ride, ....if you want." Jack offered.
"Jack, that's really nice of you but I don't want to put you out." Why is he being so nice all of a sudden, Tobey thought.
"It wouldn't be any trouble at all....you're on the way." he said, hoping it was true.
Tobey looked at Jack with amusement "Jack, you don't even know where I live."
"II wouldn't feel right just leaving you here. Please let me drive you home"
"Okay... you win," Tobey agreed as Jack headed toward the car. In a low voice Tobey added, "I guess chivalry is not dead."
Jack looked back at Tobey, "Did you say something?"
"Oh, nothing," he said quickly. Tobey then changed the subject, "Ohhh....nice car."
"It's not mine, it's my sister Andie's. She doesn't need it now because she's in Europe visiting our Aunt," Jack said as he unlocked the automatic doors and climbed into the driver's seat. Tobey gave Jack directions to his house.
"Jack....I didn't know your family was this wealthy.....nice cars, trips to Europe, big beautiful house. I don't know, sounds rough."
"Believe me, it's not what you think." Jack held his tongue, trying not to be antagonistic to Tobey. After all, how could he know what his life is really like.
"What does your Dad do for a living?"
"He owns his own business in Providence," Jack said.
"That must be hard to run a business from here."
"Well.......he doesn't run it from here, so that makes it easier. He comes home on the weekends, when he can. Yet for a while there we didn't want him to come home at all," he said as he turned down a residential road.
"Why is that?" Tobey asked.
"When I came out to the whole school and then to him, he was less then understanding to say the least."
"So you were out to the whole school before you were on the news...."
Jack looked over at Tobey and interrupted as the light turned green. "It wasn't on purpose, I assure you. It sort of just happened.....Well, and I had help from an evil English teacher. So everybody already knew when my friend Dawson approached me about the news story."
Jack told Tobey the whole heart-wrenching story of his very public coming out as he finished the drive to Tobey's house.
Jack drove up Tobey's driveway, shut off the car and sighed. "I guess in a way I'm still getting used to being gay. I'm not like you Tobey, I didn't know at the age of 8 or the age of 12. It's been a huge adjustment," Jack confided.
"All of our experiences are different, Jack. There's no right or wrong to it. I just.....Look, I'm really sorry that I have been so hard on you. I guess, I just saw you and figured your life must be easy since you didn't seem so 'obvious.' But I guess you kind of made yourself obvious."
"Sometimes I just get tired of being known as the 'gay kid.' When all I want is just to be a regular guy," Jack said.
"So was your sister and mother supportive when you came out?" Tobey asked.
"At first Andie was a little freaked out by it, but when I came out to our father she was behind me 100%. My mother.......," Jack paused. "she was not in the capacity to realize what was going on. She kind of lost touch with reality when my brother, Tim, died. My dad now takes care of her in Providence. But I think that if she was aware of what was going on, she would love me......no matter what." At the mention of his brother, Jack's eyes started to well up. "I don't usually talk about this stuff."
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry Jack. I had no idea.....I..."
Jack cut Tobey off. "Tobey," he said then slightly cleared his throat of any angst in his voice, "it's okay. I mean, it's been a few years since it all happened."
"No, really Jack, I made all these assumptions about you because of how you look and where you live, but you have been through more than most kids our age."
"Tobey, ....... it's okay.....don't worry about it. I didn't exactly give you any other information to go on," he said. Just then a light went on in Tobey's house.
"I better go.....next thing you know my mother will be peaking out the window," Tobey said.
"So how are your parents? They must be charter members of PFLAG."
"If the other kids could tell I was gay at an early age, my parents could definitely tell, well, my mother could at least." Tobey looked over at Jack, "My dad had a hard time for a while but he came around, Mom........she's been just great. Worries about me too much though. Oh no.......there she is looking out the window, I better get going," Tobey said as he grabbed is bag and opened the car door. "I just want you to know that I had a great time talking to you tonight,"
"I had a really good time too.....See ya next week, Tobey."
"See ya, Jack," Tobey said and stood watching Jack as he backed out of the driveway. How surreal, Tobey thought, just when he believed Jack didn't want anything to do with him, he starts to talk to him. Tobey decided not to analyze it. If he can't have Jack, he'll just be a friend to him. I'll take what I can get, Tobey mused.
Jack hummed along to the radio on his drive home from Tobey's. He was a good listener once he stopped talking long enough. For someone who just finished revealing some of his deepest secrets, Jack was unusually elated. He found himself anticipating the next time he could talk to Tobey.
Jack found it even harder to concentrate on his schoolwork this week than the last. He kept on replaying the talk he had with Tobey last Saturday. Yet now all he was focusing on was Tobey's slightly crooked smile and his hazel eyes behind his glasses. Okay, so what....this doesn't mean I'm falling for him, Jack thought. Tobey is just the only other gay man that Jack is friendly with at the moment. They didn't get along at first, but now they have a burgeoning friendship. Yeah.....that's all it is friendship, nothing more.
Over the next few weeks Jack drove Tobey home from their tutoring job. The two boys shared many talks in Tobey's driveway and as always Tobey's mother "signaled" that is was time to come in the house by turning the light on in the living room. And each time Jack would then bid his adieu, he didn't want to over stay his welcome. Jack began to relax more in Tobey presence, their old antagonistic relationship was gone and became a caring supportive friendship. Each week he left Tobey's with a glow that he had hoped wasn't noticeable. Jack told himself that he was just glad that he had made a friend out of the enemy that Tobey was during their first meeting. Yet there were many times Jack could not help his thoughts turning to Tobey.....thoughts of a more intimate nature.
On a crisp Friday morning Jack walked to Jen's house to pick her up. "Hey, Grace!"
"Will, you're looking dapper as usual," Jen said with a smile.
"Well, thank you, you look beautiful as always." Jack hesitated for a moment before changing the subject. "So, .....um.... do you have a date for the prom yet?"
"What.......I thought I was going with you since none of my efforts to get you and Tobey together have been very fruitful."
"What if I told you that I wanted to take someone else," he stated tentatively.
"Well, Jack, I'd be very upset if you were going to take another girl, but if it's a guy.....then I'm so happy for you," she said as she went to hug Jack. She stopped her self to say, "Hey, wait.....who could you be taking......you don't know any gay guys besides Tobey......"
"Now that you mention him......."
Jen slugs Jack in the arm. "Jack, you dirty dog! You have shown no interest in him. Why would you all of a sudden want to take Tobey to the prom? Did my prodding finally work?"
"Actually Jen, no, it doesn't have anything to do with your prodding," Jack paused to take a deep breath before continuing. "You know how I have been getting home late from tutoring lately,"
"Yeah," Jen answered.
"Well, I have been giving Tobey a ride home each week, so we've been......talking. I've gotten to know him as a person and not just a 'gay activist.' I've been thinking about him a lot lately. I realized I feel a little more than friendship toward him," he said.
"Jack! Why didn't you tell me!" Jen screamed in disbelief.
"Because I knew you would make a big deal about it and I didn't want you to get your hopes up. At first all I was planning on was friendship, then that sort of changed for me."
"That's so great Jack. I can't wait to talk to Tobey......he must be so happy!"
"No, no, no....Jen....Jen you can't ......he doesn't know. I mean, I haven't said anything to him yet," Jack protested.
"Why not?"
"Come on Jen, he's probably not even thinking about me like that. I mean, I told him in no uncertain terms that we could never be together." Jack continued, "Why would he agree to go out with me now, especially after how I've treated him. .....You've got to help me, Jen."
"Okay...........Let's think about this........" Jen jumped with excitement, "Hey, I've got it. Tobey's all into being an activist, so ask him to the prom as a statement."
"Jen, you are a genius!" Jack exclaimed as he gave Jen a quick hug and ran off to his first class.
That Saturday as Jack drove to his tutoring job, he was alive with anticipation. Excited that he would be seeing Tobey and about the plan he was to enact.
The hour passed quickly as Jack poured all his energy into tutoring Will. That way he was able to suppress the anticipation he had earlier.
"Ready to go?" Jack said to Tobey.
"Yeah, just give me a sec." Tobey answered.
The two boys left the building and walked over to Jack's car. As they got into the car, Jack began, "Tobey, I've been meaning to tell you something.....You know, you're right. Right about me, I mean. I have been well, I've been having a hard time identifying as a gay man. Just letting those soccer parents do what they did to me was like admitting that there something wrong with me. And I really took it to heart on a subconscious level. I know that now and I want to accept myself more. I mean......I'm not ready to march in any parades but I don't want to hide either," Jack confessed.
"Jack, wow, that's great.......You know, acceptance is the first step to recovery," Tobey said with a sly grin.
Jack started the car. "Yeah, well.....I was wondering....perhaps you could help me....help me 'grow' so to speak," Jack offered.
"Sure Jack, I'd be happy to help you," he warmly responded.
"Well......I was wondering .....or really hoping that you would come with me to my prom.....as my date.......well, sort of.....you know, for the political effect," Jack said awkwardly.
"Jack, you know me, I always like a cause, but what exactly is the cause here?"
"Last year they wouldn't let me go to the prom with a guy, so we had our own 'alternative' prom. But this year I don't want to change my plans for them."
"Wow, Jack you'll be an activist yet," Tobey teased Jack. "Yeah, .......I'd be happy to accompany you to the prom."
"Really....," Jack said in disbelief, "God, I was so scarred that you would say no......because I was so hard on you before.......you know, at the coffee shop. It was just the self-loathing talking. I mean, I didn't have to be so harsh." Jack took a moment and relaxed. "I thought after that you wouldn't want anything to so with me."
Jack rounded the corner to Tobey's house and parked the car in the driveway.
"Jack, these last few weeks.....talking to you, getting to know you....it's different now, we're friends. All that other stuff is 'water under the bridge,'" he said reassuringly.
"Great! So, we're on for the prom. We can firm up our plans when I see you next week."
"Sounds great, but I'll just have you know.......You're buying me a corsage," Tobey joked and smiled warmly as he stepped out of the car. Jack just grinned and rolled his eyes a bit.
As usual Tobey watched as Jack backed out of the driveway, and gave him a small wave. This is definitely not something that Tobey expected. But he didn't care. It was an excuse to go out with Jack in some capacity besides driving on Saturday night. Tobey would take it, and just see what happens.
Jack drove up to his house in Capeside, yet this evening he didn't mind coming home to an empty house. He was too excited at the fact that his plan could possibly work. He would take Tobey to his prom and hopefully he'll warm up to Jack. So much so that he would completely forget about Jack's first impression.
Continued...