By Kotzebue ([email protected])
The few weeks before the prom passed slowly for Jack. Now that the night had arrived, Jack was so nervous he couldn't even put on his clip-on bow tie, forget about trying to tie a real one.
"Jack, you're lucky I came over or you'd still be in your underwear when Tobey arrived," Jen said as she fastened on Jack's tie.
"God, Jen, I'm a nervous wreck. How am I going to have Tobey believe that this is just a 'friendly' outing?"
"But you don't want to be just friends......"
"I want to be more, but I'm scarred. I don't know if he feels the same." Jack continued, "Oh, can you say Deja vu?"
"Jack relax, you'll be fine. Just be yourself."
"Yeah, no problem. I'll do that right after I get my heart to stop beating on the outside of my chest," he said.
Jack almost jumped out of his skin when the doorbell rang. His heart started beating even faster. Tobey offered to pick Jack up since Jack always drove on their Saturday nights. Jack let him, he figured he would be too nervous. Well, how right he was about that! Jack grabbed the matching boutonnieres on the table and went to the door with Jen close behind him.
"Jen, you open the door. I'm too nervous. Besides, I have my hands full," Jack said with exasperation.
"Oh Jack, what would you do without me," she said as she opened the door.
"Hey Tobey," Jen said.
"Hi Jen, what is my favorite straight ally doing here," Tobey asked.
"Someone had to make sure Jack didn't commit any major fashion faux pas."
During Jen's slight ribbing of Jack he noticed nothing except the handsome young man on his doorstep.
"Hi.Hi Tobey," Jack finally said as he stared at the young man unmoving.
"Hey Jack, why don't you help Tobey with his boutonniere," Jen broke Jack's stare.
"Oh yeah," Jack came out of his trance, "Come on in Tobey." Tobey walked into the foyer of the McPhee home, it was just as beautiful as he thought it would be. But the sight of Jack was more beautiful then anyone or anything he had ever seen. He seemed a bit nervous, but that must be because he was about to take one of the biggest steps of his life. That must be it.
Jack placed the box on the table, and reached in for one of the lavender flowers. Jack stepped closer to Tobey and hoped that he couldn't tell how loud his heart was beating. Jack took out the pin and fastened it to Tobey's lapel.
"Here's your 'corsage'," Jack joked.
"Mmmm....lavender.how appropriate," Tobey said with a slow smile while looking at Jack's face so close to his.
"Yeah.I thought you'd like it," Jack softly said.
"You guys better get going.you don't want to disappoint the straight people," Jen said as she ushered the boys toward the door.
Tobey walked out ahead of Jack and opened the passenger car door for him. Jack smirked to himself as he got in. Tobey took the driver's seat and started up the car. "Are you sure you're ready for this," Tobey asked.
"Yeah, piece of cake. Remember, I went to the prom last year with Ethan," he said.
"Yeah, but that wasn't the actual prom," Tobey responded.
They drove up to the hotel where the prom was being held, and Tobey parked the car. Tobey thought about going as far as opening Jack's door again, but Jack jumped out of the car too quickly. Instead Tobey made a somewhat bolder move. "You look great tonight Jack," Tobey began. "Well, not that you don't usually look good." Tobey quickly recovered from his revealing comment. "I mean, you have nothing to worry about."
"I'm not worried, I can handle them. I'm fine," Jack said trying to hide his slight nervousness. "Come on, let's ruffle some feathers."
"Okay...do you want to go all out for this?" Tobey asked as they headed up the stairs.
Jack squinted in confusion. "What do you mean, 'go all out?'"
"Well, it's one thing to go to the prom with another guy, another is to give a visual," Tobey offered.
"Tobey..are you asking to. To make out with me in a room full of strangers?" Jack started to protest, "I don't think"
"Relax Jack, I'm talking about holding hands."
"Oh..that's .um..that's fine," Jack stammered.
Jack thought it was best to get the idea of kissing Tobey out of his mind or else his hands would be sweating as well as the rest of his body. Tobey probably has no idea how open Jack would be to kissing him, just not in front of the whole school. Little steps are better. While all these thoughts were running through Jack's mind, Tobey gently took Jack's hand and led him through the doorway.
There to greet them was the last person Jack wanted to see, Barbara Johns.
"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Barbara sneered. "Why did you bother to come. Last year you had the smarts to take your kind elsewhere."
Tobey was about to say something, then felt Jack slightly squirm and almost dropped Tobey's hand. Tobey just held Jack's hand firm and gave him his silent support. Then Jack rose to the occasion.
"Barbara, when are you going to learn that your backward views are in the minority. Your opinion matters not to me and you're not going to ruin the prom for me," Jack strongly responded.
"And that is your opinion. What gives you the right to ruin my prom," Barbara snapped.
"Whether or not 'your' prom is ruined is entirely up to you," Jack said.
With that they left Barbara Johns fuming. Jack and Tobey reached their table to find Pacey and Joey sitting sipping their drinks. Tobey noticed that Jack let his hand drop as they sat down with the other couple. I guess we don't have hold hands at the table, Tobey reasoned.
"Hey guys, glad to see you made it. We were worried that you had chickened out," Pacey said.
"I'm always up for a challenge," Tobey said. "Hey Joey, that's a fabulous dress."
"Thanks, Tobey. You two look great by the way," Joey answered.
"Thanks," Jack said sheepishly.
Jack and Tobey circulated around and drank punch. People were surprisingly friendly. Perhaps they were just too used to having a gay guy at school. By far their worst run in was with Barbara Johns. If people didn't want the couple there, they surely didn't let them know. And that was just fine with Jack.
Tobey and Jack returned to the table to find Joey and Pacey just as the prom seemed to be winding down.
"This next song must be the last, come on Pacey, dance with me the last slow dance," Joey said.
Tobey looked over at his date, "Jack, what do you think about that?"
"About what?" Jack looked quizzically at Tobey.
"Us.dancing, to a slow song," Tobey said.
"I.um..I don't know..I've never done such a thing,"
"Never danced with a guy in front of straight people."
"No, well...yeah that and I've never danced with a guy," Jack said lowering his eyes.
"Oh, uhforget about it. I don't want to push you into something new, that you might not be ready for," Tobey said.
Jack thought for a moment, "You know what, I'm not going to do that anymore.I'm not going to pass up opportunities, and later regret it," Jack paused. "Let's do it. Come on." Just then the last song started. Jack rose and extended his hand. Tobey just stared at him is disbelief. "Don't leave me standing here like this, because, you know, I'll look pretty stupid if my own date won't dance with me," Jack said.
Tobey was surprised by Jack's boldness, yet wasted no time in raising and taking Jack's hand, as Jack led Tobey out on the dance floor.
The song had just begun. Jack took Tobey's right hand in his left and wrapped his right arm around Tobey's waist.
"This years love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
I've been waiting on my own
Too long
And when you hold me like you do
Feels so right.."
The couple fell into a smooth rhythm. You would never have guessed that this was Jack's first time dancing with another man.
"You're a pretty good dancer," Tobey said lightly in Jack's ear.
"That's only because I'm leading. If you had lead, I would be fighting for control."
Tobey chuckled in response, as he laid his head on Jack's shoulder. "Is this okay.I just don't want you to be uncomfortable."
"Um..NoI mean..it's fine really," Jack said but thought that he really didn't mind.
"So if you love me
got to know for sure
cus then sweet sweet lies
Before I open up my arms
And fall
Losing all control
Of every dream inside my soul"
Jack was oblivious to all the people watching in amazement. He was just soaking in this new experience. It was so different then dancing with a girl. Tobey was about the same height as Jack so if he were to move his head to look at him instead of looking over his shoulder, he would have to look him right in the eyes. And Jack wasn't ready for that now, he would give away what he really was feeling. His eyes couldn't lie. He enjoyed the feeling of Tobey in his arms. God, who would have thought this would happen considering their first reaction to each other.
This was more then Tobey had imagined. He was sure that Jack would not go this far. I'll take what I can get, so what if it's only a cheap thrill of 'pretend' slow dancing, Tobey thought. Jack was doing very well, almost too well for someone participating only as a statement. He held Tobey so firmly, confident yet there was a layer of apprehension and shyness that was so alluring to Tobey. No, I shouldn't get my hopes up, Tobey mused. Jack is just new to this, that's why he seems kind of nervous, not because he has any feelings for me, Tobey thought.
The song was coming to an end and Jack didn't want to stop holding Tobey. He was afraid his eyes would surely give him away. The last cords of the song rang out and the boys gradually parted. Jack slowly gazed up to Tobey and looked for a moment into his eyes. "Thanksfor the dance..for everything. You really went above and beyond the call of duty," Jack said not breaking eye contact with Tobey. Doing just what he knew he shouldn't.
Tobey smiled brightly. "My pleasure..anything for the cause," Tobey said.
Tobey and Jack said goodbye to Joey and Pacey, each giving Joey a hug. While hugging Jack she said, "Jack, you two look so good together."
"I hope he feels the same way," Jack whispered back.
Back at the car, Tobey let Jack in first. Tobey's face was still kind of hot from being so close to Jack. The night air helped cool him off until he climbed into the driver's seat, where the blood began to rush to his face once again.
Tobey put the car in reverse and started to talk because silence just enabled his illicit thoughts of Jack run wild.
"That went very well, don't you think," Tobey said.
"Yeah, it did, surprisingly so."
"Well, Jack McPhee, I don't think you can consider yourself a 'non-activist' anymore."
"Really?" Jack smiled as he went on, "Does that mean I will be let back into your club and no longer be an outcast among outcasts?"
"Jack, an undertaking like you just performed will not only get you back in the club, but you could be president," Tobey joked.
"No, really, I'm not joking.would you have me back?"
I would have you period, Tobey thought before answering. "Of course Jack, I would love to have you back. What you did tonight was so brave."
"You don't know how much," Jack said softly.
"Huh? I didn't quite catch that."
"Oh, never-mind. Just remembering the positive points of this evening," Jack said.
Tobey drove up Jack's driveway. "Well, here we are." Tobey looked over at Jack straight into his blue eyes. "I ..um.I really did have a great evening, thanks again Jack."
"I had a good time too, Tobey. I had a better time then I thought I would. I mean, I thought I would be consumed with fear, fear of other people's reactions. But I found a way to block them out and focus just on one thing," Jack confided.
Tobey looked at Jack with an eyebrow raised in question. "Yeah..that's great. I'd love to learn a trick like that. What did you think about,"
Jack swallowed and glanced away for a moment. "I just concentrated on something I wanted. Something that actually I don't think I deserve, but realized I had to try for it, or I'd regret it all my life," he said.
"What is this mysterious thing that you want, Jack. I'm on the edge of my seat, what is it," Tobey asked.
"It's ..It's you, Tobey," Jack said finally.
Tobey's mouth fell open, but he didn't know what to say, "Jack"
"But it's okay." Jack interrupted. "I gave you the big brush off and it's crazy for me to think you still feel the same about me after what I did to you. I just had to tell you, I just had to be truthful," he said solemnly.
"Jack," Tobey smiled a wide grin, "I still feel the same about you as I did before."
"Really.I thought for sure you'd"
Tobey leaned in closer to Jack. "Shhh...if you don't believe me maybe this will convince you." Tobey then moved even closer to Jack. With Jacks beautiful eyes beaming at him in the moonlight, Tobey placed a tender kiss on Jack's lips. They parted and looked into each other eyes, all questioning now gone.
As Jack leaned in and gave Tobey a firmer kiss, he wrapped his arms around him. In his head played the last song from the prom.
"won't you kiss me
on that midnight street
sweep me off my feet
singing ain't this life so sweet.
This years love had better last"
After a several minutes of kissing Tobey with his hands laced through Tobey's hair, Jack noticed a light go out in his house.
Jack broke away from Tobey. "Okay, this time we don't have your mother watching us, we have Jen."
"That's better then my mother, believe me," Tobey said.
"Your mother probably won't nag you for days as to why it took you so long to come in from the car,"
"Don't bet on it," Tobey smiled.
Jack pulled Tobey over to him for another, deeper kiss. After a few minutes of bliss, Tobey said, " I don't want to.but I should go."
Jack looked at Tobey crestfallen, "Why..did I do?"
"No...no...It's not you, Jack. We'll have plenty of time to continue this." Tobey grinned as he caressed Jack's cheek. Tobey went on, "Besides I'm not the cheap sort of person who gets it on in the backseat of a car."
"So, you want to go out on another date? This time for real?"
"I thought you would never ask," Tobey said.
"Are you free tomorrow?"
"Hmm.let me see.Yeah, I guess I could squeeze you in," Tobey teased.
Jack playfully slugged Tobey. "I guess I better get in and talk to Jen. She must be hyper with anticipation."
"See you tomorrow Jack, I can't wait."
Jack leaned in for a quick kiss before getting out of the car. He watched as Tobey backed out of the drive then turned to the front door.
"Hey Jen," Jack called. "I know you're here.you can turn the lights back on now"
"Jack!" Jen ran out to meet him in the foyer. "You must tell me everything. You were parked out in the car for a long time. How was it?"
"It was great," Jack said dreamily. "The best"
The End