Part 1
By Irina ([email protected])
Dear all,
Before I begin this struggle that I will never win, before I fall again, I would do anything to have my family together again, to have my sister well and happy, to have my father believing in me and accepting me, but there's always something wrong...again. I keep trying, over and over, but it's always the same result. I fall, crumble to my knees in the privacy of my room. I loose. Not to my father, who expects me to be someone who I'm enable of being. Not to me sister, who depends on me to be there. I have too many things to deal with before I could do that. But I loose to myself. I can't conquer the personal demon. I can't be who I want to be, not just yet. I'm leaving tonight. I have to go. To be with myself for a little while, uncover some hidden truth. There's something I would like to say before I leave though. I would like to say thank you to all the people who helped me along the road of life, who made me feel as if I belong when my own family wasn't here to do that. Jen, for being the perfect best friend. Grams, for accepting me as part of your family. Joey, for being there. Pacey, for standing up for me when everyone else seemed to sit down. And Dawson, for helping me see the truth.
It's over now, I have to go. I'll comeback in a couple of weeks, but for nowI would like to think that I'm the only human being on the planet. No matter how lonely this trip maybe, the answers that lie beneath it are worth the loneliness by a long shot. Tell Andie that I will miss her and that I won't be able to be in touch. I'll call you guys from time to time, but all that aside, it's been a great two years.
Jack