Q: Have you ever taken a serious political stand on anything?
A: Yes, for 24 hours I refused to eat grapes (Sleeper)
Not only is there no god, but try getting plumber on weekends.
Then Job fell to his knees and cried to the Lord, "This is the kingdom and the power and the glory. Thou hast a good job. Don't blow it!" (W.F.)
[On sex] It was the most fun I ever had without laughing (Annie Hall)
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens (Death - a play)
Money is better than poverty if only for financial reasons. (The Early Essays)
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy. (Annie Hall)
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
I am an only child. I have one sister.
I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked a girl to sleep with me and
she said 'no'. (Annie Hall)
I am at two with nature
Someone hit my fender the other day and I said unto him, "Be fruitful and multiply." But not in those words.
My brain: it's my second favourite organ. (Sleeper)
My only regret in life is that I am not someone else.
[On masturbation] Don't knock it, it's sex with someone you love (Annie Hall)
Death is an acquired trait.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
I took a course in speed reading, learning to read straight down the middle of the page and was able to read War & Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.