Bumper Stickers and Other Funny Quotes
Horn broken. Watch for finger.
Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
I brake for no apparent reason.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
We have enough youth, how about a Fountain of Smart?
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I love cats...they taste just like chicken.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons
Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a grapefruit
Born free..Now I'm expensive
The more men I meet, the more I like my dog.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Rehab is for quitters.
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
No radio inside - Already stolen.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
Do humanitarians eat humans?
where there's a will, there's a family
OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Go where the money is, and marry for love
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
i souport publik edekashun.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
caution stunt driver.
I'm sixteen clear the way.
I think therefore I'm single.
Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
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