The Cold War may be officially over, but some countries are still politically highly unstable and present a threat to life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, and any hopes of decent weather. One of these is Ruritania, a large and powerful Balkan country whose government is second to none in nastiness: for example, they had VAT, the Poll Tax and Terry Wogan long before everyone else.
Yes, make no mistake. These are the Baddies. And you are on the side of peace, prosperity, virtue, er, daffodils, er, well you know, all the nice things in life. In other words you're nauseatingly good and wonderful (just as in Real Life of course).
So on with the story. There is trouble at MI7, that security agency so secret that they took down the big sign outside their office in Philby Lane, which said "Top Secret Place. Spies Only," and now pretend to be The Megaboring Insurance Company -- though in fact the Ruritanians know all about them anyway.
You've been summoned to MI7 headquarters, popularly known as 'The Zoo' in order to unmask a mole. The chief of MI7, Sir Arthur Cayley (known to his friends, and even his wife, as 'Z') is extremely worried, because the plans for the new Sonic Macrothrodule are believed to have been leaked. They are kept in the safe in his office, but it seems to have been disturbed when he checked it this morning. With Cayley is Superintendent Hardy of Special Branch.
"We're off for a drink in the 'Cloak and Dagger' pub now," says Z. "Take a look round. Because of your unofficial position we can't openly give you access to the files, but if I were you I'd start by looking at that safe of mine. Nobody else knows you're in the building now that a new Security guard has come on duty. Don't let anyone see you, or you'll have to abandon the investigation. Good luck!"
You are MI7's only hope of catching their mole. What lies ahead of you is a challenge in the best traditions of espionage: it will involve reading secret files containing much bizarre information on possible moles, eavesdropping on suspects, hacking into the Zoo's MULTIPOCS computer, cracking codes and secret writings, disguising yourself with wigs, false beards and false noses, picking up and interpreting clues, understanding CODEHAK microfilms, even breaking into the laboratory of the mysterious Dr Ramanujan -- maybe some of his secret technological breakthroughs can be used to help you in your mission, or maybe the cleaner has something that helps against moles? But who exactly is the Purple Yeti?
At the end there is going to be the inevitable showdown. You must catch the Mole red-handed, and stop him or her from handing over the plans of the Sonic Macrothrodule to those sinister Ruritanians. If you fail, then it's goodbye to freedom, daffodils, etc. and a new Dark Age will dawn. If you succeed, well, we'll all be very grateful and you'll probably end up with something in the New year Honours list, plus a Licence to Maim -- maybe even a Licence to Kill! So, get spy-catching while there's still time...
Jonathan Partington and Jon Thackray