A recently discovered manuscript by Richmal Crompton suggests that William, the schoolboy hero about whom she wrote many books, originally started life under another name. Whether or not this is true, we present a fragment so that readers can judge for themselves.
It was a hot summer's day and the outlaws were bored.
"I know," said Barry, "let's make a virus."
"Yes, let's!" said Nick loyally. "What is it?"
"Er, well it's a sort of bug," said Barry. "My brother David
works for a computer company and he's always worried about
them."
"I've got a beetle," volunteered Phil, producing a matchbox
from his pocket. "I was going to put it in Uncle Mike's bed, but
I can always get another one."
"So what do we do with it?" asked Charles.
"Well, we... er, we go to the User Area," said Barry. "Then
we have to put it on a PC. On the hard disc."
The outlaws made their way to the User Area, carefully carrying the beetle, which had curled up and gone to sleep. When they arrived there, there was a Securicor man on duty, in his bright blue uniform.
"Well there's the policeman," said Nick. "What do we do now?"
"Don't be silly," said Barry. "That's not a policeman, it's
an admiral. He hasn't got a helmet."
"Well where's this PC then?" persisted Nick. "The one with the
slipped disc that we've got to put the beetle on."
"It's not that sort of PC," explained Barry scornfully.
"Don't you know anything? A PC is a sort of computer. It's
called a PC 'cause it's big and blue. My brother David is always
talking about Big Blue PCs."
Maggie Elizabeth Bott was sitting at a terminal, doing her
homework. Barry approached cautiously, carrying the matchbox
with the beetle in it.
"What'th in the bocth?" lisped Maggie Elizabeth.
"It's a virus," said Barry. "We're going to put it on the
computer."
"What'th a viruth? Ithn't that thome thort of ditheathe? If you
don't take it away, I'll thcream and thcream until I'm thick! I
can."
"Huh! Girls!" said Barry. "What's the use of them, that's what
I'd like to know."
Meanwhile Nick and Charles had discovered the chocolate machine
and were trying to make it disgorge something, without putting
any money in. Barry and Phil came over and, after a few minutes'
unsuccessful hitting and shaking, they gave up and wandered over
to the Vunderpac.
"Let's put the virus in this," said Barry. "It'll enjoy it much
more than sitting in a boring ol' computer. It can eat the food
inside the machine."
Phil handed over the matchbox, and they slipped the beetle into
the machine through a small grille.
"What do we do now?" said Phil. "That was a perfec'ly good
beetle and we don't seem to have done much with it."
Barry was trying to think of a convincing reply, when Maggie
Elizabeth came over, inserted some money into the machine, and
ordered a cup of cola. The outlaws watched in fascination as she
looked into the cup and started screaming.
"Crumbs!" said Barry. "She's got our virus."
"You nathty boyth!" screamed Maggie Elizabeth. "I'll tell the
politheman. You've put a thlimy creature in my drink."
Phil took a look at the cup, in which the beetle was rapidly
dissolving, and said, "Cor. You've killed my beetle too. And it
was a new one."
At that moment the Securicor guard, attracted by the persistent screaming of Maggie Elizabeth, began to wander across. The outlaws exchanged rapid glances and then hastily fled.
Jonathan Partington, August 1990