And now over to Cambridge for Suggest Match Special, introduced by Brian Johnston and Fred Trueman.
BJ: Well it's a lovely day here at Cambridge and we're all looking forward to a great day's play. (I'll have the Vunderclaret this time, Bill.) The CS are still hoping to regain the Phoenix ashes, but have already gone down twice in this series, so may have some problems. This morning the Users won the toss, and they have elected to bat. Fred.
FT: Eee ba goom, load of bluddy nutters. String 'em up by the...
BJ: Indeed. And we've been sent this truly superb cup of Vunderpac Coffee by a local listener. Mr Artly, I think it was. Well I hope you're keeping well, Mr Artly. Mmm, what a delicious .... ugh, agh, eek, gasp! He says he's been a regular listener since the days when we played on Turing squares.
FT: Aye that were a while ago. The weasels of today just don't know what it were like. I remember bowling against "Slasher" Wheeler with me feet encased in concrete boots. Hic!
BJ: Anyway, the CS have now set their field. As usual they have come up with several silly points, and we can see numerous slips; there's a very silly mid on, but not much in the way of cover -- they seem to be leaving the outfield totally unattended. Obviously they don't expect the ball to run that far. Quite an attacking field, really. And I can see a flock of files hovering overhead -- they're probably migrating.
Well the opening hackers have arrived and it's Warney to open the bowling from the MAIL end. He's been taking a lot of punishment lately.
Voice in background: Yes, his previous figures are 42 suggestions, no wishes granted for 110 days.
BJ: Thanks, Bill. Warney comes in to bowl, and pitches the reply strongly. The batsman cowers, but the ball hits him on the RSUGGEST, there. Ladding collects the ball and attempts to stump him with a quick return, but it goes wide of the remark.
FT: Eee, that reminds me of the joke about the actress and the RML Nimbus machine. It went down a treat at the URC dinner.
BJ: Er, I don't think we've got time for that one right now, Fred. Now we're expecting PUBLIC.DICT.LARGE to come on for a spell soon, but it's a FAST wicket, so we'll probably have to wait a bit. The next delivery comes in, User makes a vicious crack, and misses. And Ladding's appealing.
FT: He doesn't seem very appealing to me, Brian.
BJ: No indeed. Ah, but the Users are complaining about the lights. The bulb must have gone again. Yes, they're coming off the field and an Engineer has been summoned. Well, while we're waiting, what do you think of the pitch, Fred?
FT: Bloody disgrace!
BJ: Yes, laying fibre-optic cables across the wicket doesn't seem to helped; still I gather that old Westwood, the groundsman, remarkable character, he thought it would add some life to the pitch. So the honours are still even, though it appears as though the CS will soon have to go on the defensive. Now where's that miniature bar of chocolate we were sent?
Jonathan Partington, July 1989