Over to Microbesoft ("Bugs R us"), where Bill E. Goats is explaining some of the features of Panes 95, Microbesoft's answer to the Apple Anorak.
"Now our market research people went to great pains to find out why people hate our software, and the answer is, it's lousy. So we've copied a few ideas from Apple, er, I mean we've introduced some strikingly new innovations to make it user-friendly.
Take the mouse, for example. Terrible things. They jam and stop working, they gather dust, they cause cancer. Now, we've gone one better and introduced something that we've called the hedgehog. A bit prickly, I admit, but when you get used to it, a delight to work with. You can always wear thick gloves anyway.
Now what is the first thing you think of when I say the phrase 'Window Panes'? It's 'broken', isn't it? Now Panes 95 is already pre-broken, so that nothing worse can happen.
But the real strength of Panes 95 is that it doesn't get in the way. You can use your PC to play 'Curse of the mutant sex-goddesses of Downing Street' in one window, while listening to Glass (just put the hedgehog in your ear) and using our fabulous word-processing package SuperduperWordwrite to produce a shopping list that is indistinguishable from one produced by Byron! And meanwhile Panes 95 has gone away to work out next week's winners in the National Lottery."
A doctor writes: if you find yourself suffering from Panes, then I'll put you on the waiting list for an upgrade.
Jonathan Partington, August 1995