Years later when I could understand things a bit better, my mom told me that no one knows for certain what happened. The baby was fine going into her last week's checkups. Then the drs couldnt find a heartbeat. At that point, they had no choice but to have her go through with the delivery anyway. The final heartwrenching touch is that is was my mom's daughter that she wanted. My sister, Suzanne, was stillborn. She was the only girl that my parent's had. I know at times she still aches because of that. Sometimes I wonder why she was taken like that. I know that I have a very easy time being simply good friends to many of the girls (now women) that I know and I would at least like to think that I look for people who I can treat as a sister since I never had the opportunity to have one growing up.
Shortly thereafter, I guess they decided to give it another go and mom got pregnant again while I was in second grade. In January of 1973, my second brother was born. He was a big one. I have no idea what mom was eating during her pregnancy, but he weighed in at over 13 pounds and was so large, his collarbone inadvertently was broken during his delivery. He has grown into a young man with a very twisted sense of humor and sarcasm just like the rest of us. He works currently as the editor for a small weekly local newspaper and has won numerous statewide awards for his writing. Looking forward to his wedding in August of 2003.
His birth was the first one that I have ongoing memories of him as a baby. His arm pinned in many of his early baby pictures because of the broken collarbone. I vividly remember my mother bringing him to my school one day to walk me back home and how proud I felt when she was showing him off to my class and teacher. It was fun to have a baby around the house and I did what I was allowed to in order to help out. Granted at just 8 years old, there wasnt too much I was allowed to do.
In the years since then, he has grown into very much his own person. He is quick witted, intelligent and has his own wonderful sense of humor. Out of all of my brothers, he and I probably have the least amount of interaction simply because when I am at my parent's house, he is often out or vice versa. Still whenever I have needed help of any kind he has been there and been supportive in his own way. There are some bonds that time and distance dont affect and among those is (or should be) family. Dont allow little problems or misgivings stand in the way of letting your family know how you feel about them. I screwed up mightily in my past and I readily admit that. The fact that my brothers and parents stood by ready to offer assistance whenever I needed it means the world to me. I hope that everyone out there that reads this can honestly say that they know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they would just as readily be there for all of the members of their own family. Its a good feeling to know that you are watched out for by others.