I wonder what happened and what started her off on this course. I can still remember when she was born. Early in the morning of December 31, 1986 my (THEN) wife woke me that it was time to get to the hospital. We threw everything in the car and drove up to my parents on the way to drop off our oldest while we continued on. We arrived, got inside the hospital, registered and up to maternity in fairly quick fashion.
Once there, labor came fairly quickly and at 07:26 in the morning, our daughter was born. That evening I stopped by a friend of mine's house to let everyone know that I had a healthy daughter and that they were doing fine. I was surprised to learn that Jimmy
As a baby, she was somewhat collicky. I would get home from work in the evening and then have to put her in the car and drive her around to calm and quiet her enough so that she could sleep. As a toddler, she craved affection and returned it tenfold. She was intelligent getting good grades in elementary school. She was always on the quiet side, but always enjoyed being around people and being a part of whatever was going on.
When the marriage between her mother and I was falling apart, she was in sixth grade. Soon she was claiming to be too sick to go to school. Then it was that some girl was picking on her. Her mother and I were at odds as how to handle it. She refused to send her to school, while I told her that all that does is show her that she can run away from any difficulties in her life. We met with the principal several times over the course of the school year, but still she refused to go. She then seemed surprised when she failed for the year because of non attendance and had to repeat the grade next year. She attended school the next year and passed sixth grade, but outside of school I began to see some changes in her behavior. No matter where she was or what she was doing, she was unable to sit still or concentrate on the task at hand for more then 5 minutes or so at a time. She appeared to get frustrated at not being able to do things. I thought that I found the reason for her reluctance to attend school. If she felt incapable of doing the work because of this inability to sit still and reason the work out its easy to see why she wouldnt want to be there and feel inadequate among her peers. I tried to convey this idea to her mother, but she was intent that the problem was that our daughter was being terrorized. When the pattern of behavior returned when she was supposed to start seventh grade, the courts finally stepped in. Rather then make her attend school, my ex wife moved with her to another school district. She attended 7th grade in this new school district and manged to pass to go on to eighth grade. The next year, the same things started again with not wanting to attend which resulted in further legal action. Once again, instead of making sure that she attended school, they moved to another district where she started anew all over again. At the end of the last school year, however, she was told that she would still have to repeat the 8th grade again. Once again, my ex moved to another district, although now, its back to the school district where all of these problems started. That's where the school issue sits right now.
When she stayed with my new wife and I in December of 2001, she told us that she had tried to hurt herself badly. We talked to her and convinced her to voluntarily commit herself to the hospital to be evaluated for treatment and she was put on medication and was supposed to see a councilor after her release. There seem to be constant arguments between my ex and her. There have been physical altercations between my daughter and my current wife that I have had to step in and break up. She always seem to have this anger in her right under the surface and no matter what is said to her, it erupts. Much of it is directly at whomever is around her at the time. My wife and I have both tried to help her as we believed to be in her best interests in the past, from convincing her that she needed some help and getting her to the hospital, to calmly stressing to her the importance of a solid education in life in order to get anywhere. We are flexible in our rules depending on the situation, but when a decision is made, there is no debate. I dont know if it stems from those years of my daughter basically telling my ex that she's not going to school that she thinks that she has the authority to call the shots or what, but there is a continual butting of heads here now with her over what we feel she should be doing versus what she wants to do. All that its doing in the long run is opening more and more of a rift between us.
The court appearance tomorrow branches from her behavior. Children Youth Services got involved because of her non attendance in school to try to see whats going on. Part of me just wishes that its possible to just shake some kind of sense into her at times and make her see that the path she is on isnt going to lead her anywhere at all in life. It does hurt me to see her wasting away her potential like this, but any discussion about it devolves into arguments as to who knows what's best for her. I just want my child to succeed in life and be able to support herself in a decent manner and have friends that she can count on when she needs them. Right now, I dont see either of those things in her future. I dont know if she is just that angry at her mother and I for splitting up and getting a divorce and this is her way or showing that displeasure or not. I just think that any child witnessing the arguments and shouting matches that her mother and I had on a daily basis would be harmed more in the long run by thinking that was a typical relationship between a man and a woman.
It just gets to be so incredibly frustrating at times. Looking back from life experience I can see what she needs in order to achieve, but she doesnt want to listen. It's sad that it has to take the court system to try to impress upon her just important this is.