She managed to pull through the coma with no memory of what had happened to the baby or that she almost died on us. I was determined that I wouldnt let her go again without letting her know exactly how I felt about her now. That night when we were chatting, I told her that I cared about her a lot. She didnt quite understand what I meant, so I tried a different tact. I told her that I know that we are a long way apart, but I wanted to do my damndest to make a long distance relationship with her work out because I loved her. At those words, her room mate told me every monitor on her went into alarm and the nurses came rushing in to see what was wrong. I guess I found out that she felt the same way about me and I'll take the medical bells and whistles over the fireworks anyday in this case. She told me that she felt the same way about me and I felt a warmth flood over me that was beyond description. As bleak as things looked for her, we each had something to look forward to now and I asked her to promise me that she would never give up fighting for me to which she gave me her word. Much of our talks after that focused on what the future for us would hold. We had planned a date for our wedding, Saturday October 13, 2001. It was going to be out there in Arizona at the rim of the Grand Canyon at sunset when the skies are painted beautiful colors across the horizon. She seemed most alive when talking about the plans and hoping for the future. She always worried about possibly being a burden to me though because of the extent of her physical injuries. I told her that it wasnt her body that I was in love with, it was her spirit, her soul that makes me happy. How I wished I could have been able to afford to be there at her bedside just to softly stroke her cheek so she would know I was there for her.
Shortly after we told each other how we felt, I began to notice memory lapses that she had. She wouldnt remember things that we talked about just the previous day. I told her that she had to believe and have faith that she was going to make it through. I coudlnt believe that a God of love and mercy would bring us together in this way just to take her away from me. The facts of her coming out of the first coma and the dr's finding the lump in her breast convinced me that we were meant to be together.
After a very rough day that she had physically we were chatting online via her room mate again and she was crying because she didnt want to hurt me if she went away. She wasnt sure that she was going to make it out of the hospital and she didnt want my heart to be broken if she left us. She was also crying because she finally found what she believed that she wanted in me, but now she might not have the chance to realize it. Again I told her that we will face whatever comes down the road together and that I would never leave her. Unconditional love means just that. That I would love her and be there for her no matter what the future brings.
A few days later, Sunday June 25th at 03:45am EST I called her cell phone because her room mate told me that she was awake. When she answered, she sounded so tiny and exhuasted I envisioned her being just a shadow of her former self laying there. I just couldnt help thinking about how incredibly tired and wore out she sounded. After a few minutes she mumbled the that nurses were coming in to give her some more pain meds. As she mumbled incoherently off to sleep, I whispered in her ear, "Good night my dear and may you have only the sweetest dreams." That Wednesday, I couldnt help thinking about how frail she sounded on the phone. I dropped to me knees in my bedroom and with tears in my eyes and my voice cracking I told her that she didnt have to keep fighting for me. It was purely self centered on my part to expect her to keep hanging on because of a promise that I made her make. I told her to be free of the pain and that she would always hold a special place in my heart and in my life. I went over my parent's after that to go online and see if there was any word. Her room mate came online and told me that Jennifer passed away peacefully at 12:13pm EST. I could tell before she even told me though because I coudlnt 'feel' her out there anymore. She left shorlty after I told her that it was alright. I left my parent home tears in my eyes and crying. Shortly thereafter I received a tape recording that she made for me in the even that she didnt make it. Its one of my most treasured possesions and my current wife knows about it and understands. When I listen to it now, I no longer cry, but smile remember the incredibly intense feelings two people shared without ever meeting face to face. The one thing that this event did is convinced me to never take each day for granted, and always take the time to let people know how you feel about them. It might make a huge difference in someone's life.