My freshman year actually started a month and a half before the first school bell sounded. As a member of the marching band, I had to learn the basics of how to march and play the saxophone without the aide of music. To this day I can still do a decent 8 to 5. (moving 5 yards in eight steps - the basic stride length in marching) Our band director at the time could be intense, but over the two years that I got to know Mr. Thomson, I came to realize that he wanted each of us to live up to our highest potential and wouldnt allow us to accept less then our absolute best effort. Yes, that meant that often times I felt as if I was in a boot camp somewhere being made to stand at an attention for long, quiet stretches with hardly a muscle moving. I spent much of my free time at home memorizing my music for our pregame show and halftime. For someone that never had to do it before it was difficult at first, but then it was as if someone flipped a switch and I was able to memorize without much difficulty. I came to understand that we had to memorize the music so that we could use our eyes to watch what was going on around us on the field. To keep lines straight and make sure that we were always moving right where we had to be. It took quite a bit of work and to feel comfortable moving and playing at the same time without bumping the sax around in my mouth. As the football season progressed, I could feel a real sense of accomplishment from learing the show and being able to perform it from beginning to end and I was always looking for something small that I could do better the next time around. Once the band in general knew the entire show music and drill, a bit of a swagger could be detected here and there as if we had finally accomplished something. That sense of accomplishment and pride was a great feeling and one that I kept trying to build on for everything else that year. Oh, the football team didnt do too well my freshman year, but we were on the buses with the colorguard and majorettes, so we didnt care TOO much.
Academically, I remember being the only freshman in my algebra class because of the special algebra class I had in eigth grade. There was an upperclassman in there that seemed to have a problem with a freshman in the class when he had problems with it. I vividly recall one day he came in before the class had started and I was already seated. He came up to my desk and angrily said, "What is your problem man?" I was slightly taken aback as I hadnt said two words to this guy to date. I looked at him and just said, "Well right now I cant see the board if you're going to stand there....." He didnt quite know how to respond to that and I never had a problem with him again. I dont know if he was trying to get a rise out of me or what, put I dont believe in playing games like that with people.
Even though I knew several upperclassmen through the band, I still remember feeling completely out of place in the school overall. In the hallways between classes it was always a mission to get to the next class without calling undue attention to myself. I dont know why I did that. I was never threatened by anyone. I had just adotped a feeling that freshmen weren't even meant to be seen, let alone heard. If I didnt have my group of friends that was established over the previous two years I dont know how I would have got through much of it. Its easy to look back and see how kids can get swallowed up in anonymity being presented with a completely new environment. Trying to be both invisible to the older kids and yet trying to find a place to belong somewhere. It can be rough and lead to doing things to fit in that a kid wouldnt normally do.
I think that its incredibly important that everyone out there develops a good self image of themselves. If a person feels at home and comfortable with who they are, it would be more difficult for others to talk them into doing things simply to fit in. Kids have to understand that regardless of how they act, that there will be people out there that they will not get along with. Its just a fact of life. Recognizing that and moving on to find others that they can get along with well without having to change the person that they are is important for them.
I was fortunate enough to have developed a pretty decent sense of self worth. I rationalize those that dont get along with me as strictly their opinion and they are entitled to it. I dont have to agree with it, but they are entitled to it. I keep using the analogy of movie reviewers for my own kids. Two different people watching the same exact film. How can you explain one person loving it and the other person hating it?? The only thing that could explain it is individual taste. If people dont like you for who you are, then its their loss, not yours. Changing the person you are for someone else isnt really being true to yourself. You should want people to want to be around you and like you for who you are, not who you appear to be. Its much more fun to be around people that you know you dont have to put on an act around. Those are also the people that will most likely be there for you throughout the rest of your life when you need them. I know that it sounds trivial, but its an important point that many kids dont seem to understand anymore. They do what they can to try to fit in with others. What they should be doing is simply being themselves and see the people that come and want to get to know them better. Of all people, Shakespeare summed it up best in Hamlet when he wrote,
"This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."
Pretty deep stuff and just as applicable today as it was when first written so long ago.