Being punished in that way when it was warranted in no way has warped me developmentally. I am not some deranged sociopath out there waiting to go on a serial killing spree. I also dont believe in violence as being a way to solve everything out there. I am a normal, well adjusted person and a contributing member to society. A lot that comes from the simple cause and effect I learned growing up. If you do wrong, you will get a beating. No time outs in the corner, no taking away your favorite toy...you will get your butt smacked with a wooden instrument to cause pain, but no lingering damage or marks. As a result, you can equate doing bad things equals painful consequences. This was in no way child abuse....and that is a statement from someone it was done to.
I know that there are many instances out there where children are abused. It's a very sad but true fact in the world today. Society moves so fast now and kids are exposed to much more now by the age of 10 then I was exposed to by the age of 17 and their parent's are no doubt under more pressures as most homes have to have two working parents (if there are two parents) just to survive financially. Those conditions undoubtedly can contribute to friction and situations that werent very common just 25 years ago. Yes, its easy to see how some children are abused today. Its a silent epidemic and the abuse doesnt have to be physical. Those wounds heal in time. The emotional abuse doesnt. It's very easy to lose your temper and say things out of anger to each other that arent truly meant, but coming from a parent to a child it's a crushing blow. As a parent you are supposed to be the champion of your children and their guardian. Building them up to be ready for the world when their time comes to leave. Not belittling them or making them think that any of their achievments arent worth your time to notice. Those emotional scars of your indifference will remain with them for a very long time.
Society as a whole has had a knee jerk reaction to child abuse to the point that if you spank your child today you are looked at with contempt. That is going too far the other way. Children need to know that there are accepted behaviors in society and unacceptable behaviors. They need to know their limits as to what they can and cannot do. After those limits and guidelines have been clearly explained to them and they have been warned that there are consequenced to not following them, they have to learn what those consequences are. Once you are an adult, if you break the rules of society you dont get sent to a corner or have tv privileges revoked for a time, you go to jail. In adult life, the consequences are much greater then when you are a child.
If all I ever received growing up was a time out, or something taken off of me when I did something wrong, by the next week I would have forgotten all about the transgression and most likely would have done it again with little thought. But, getting a good spanking with a wooden spoon I can guarantee stays in your mind for quite some time along with just what you did to warrant it. I was less inclined to repeat any of those errors of my judgement again.
Today, kids know about the taboo of child abuse in society and use that to their advantage. If parent's smack their kids on their on the butts the kids are running to the phone to dial 911. You laugh....my kids have tried it. The kids dont want to be spanked today, so they will cry abuse in circumstances to short circuit the parent's authority in instances. Is it any wonder why the kids dont want to get spanked.....IT HURTS!! The way to avoid that then is dont do anything that would cause the unwarranted consequence, not by refusing to take responsibility for those actions.
Please do not think that I am advocating just wildly spanking your kids for every little transgression happens, I am not. There is also a marked difference between a beating and a spanking. A beating IS abuse, a spanking is punishment. Spankings should also be reserved for those actions that are not being corrected by just talking with your child or are so dangerous that you dont want to see them trying it again. Yes, some parents out there have gone overboard and continue to do so with spankings and beatings. To me though, not disciplining a child is also an act of abuse. They are not going to get a realistic view of what happens when somone does something wrong out in the real world. If you infringe on someone else's rights out there, they dont politely ask you to sit in the corner for an hour, you are arrested.
I realize that its not an easy road raising kids.....believe me, I know. My three are living in three different homes since my divorce. They all have some problems left over from it as well, but they know that they will behave within expected norms when I am in the house. I am not a violent person, but I wont tolerate overtly rude or disrespectful behavior either. Yes, I have spanked my kids. I have also had to subdue my oldest when she was wired out on diet pills and had her locked in a full nelson against the wall until she calmed down a bit. A parent shouldnt take joy in corporal punishment. I dont by any means, but I also am not going to have a child who feels that they can raise a hand to me either.
I know that this is one of those issues that there are two camps of thought on and I am not saying that my thoughts are the way that is best. I hope that if anything, I can make you think about your position a bit. Nothing is good to excess and this is no exception. Maybe I am weird and the spankings that I received growing up worked on me, but might not work for everyone else. All I know is that there seems to be a general lack of discipline among young kids today. I know that I truthfully deserved every spanking that I received and I was never abused. I seemed to have turned out okay in the end. (At least my wife things so!) If you have other thoughts on this or disagree, please let me know and I will gladly post other points of view here as well on this topic.