WARNING! VERY BAD LANGUAGE!

WARNING! UNCENSORED BAD LANGUAGE!

WARNING! VERY BAD LANGUAGE!

swear count

A count up of all the swear words in each book.

one two three four five six seven eight

book one

swear word number of times
Arse 5
Arseholes 3
Ass 5
Asshole 7
Bastard 10
Bitches 6
Bloody 11
Bollocks 1
Bugger 6

swear word number of times
Christ 10
Crap 14
Dammit 4
Damn 11
Dick 1
God 51
Goddamn 5
Hell 21

swear word number of times
Jesus 21
Jesus Christ 3
Pissed 15
Shit 7
Shite 4
Sodding 4
Tosser 1
Twat 3
Wankers 1

Some swear words come with many variations. In these cases we count them all under the basic swear word that they elaborate on,
for example 'Pissing' and 'Pissed' all come under the umbrella of 'Piss' (so to speak).

Most tedious line: "I'm not fat, I'm thick-boned!"

Best put-downs: "Watch it, ass-licker!", "Who crapped in your cap?" and "Tell Rolf he can shove himself up his own fudge tunnels."

Honorary swear words: 'Nuts', 'Balls' and 'Screwball'.

Ass or Arse? In Book One 'Ass' wins the 'Ass or Arse?' competition with seven utterings of 'Asshole' compared to the weak and feeble three mutterings of 'Arsehole'.

Swear word said the most in Book One: If you don't count 'God' (51 times), 'Hell' (21 times) or 'Jesus' (21 times) as being proper swear words, the winner for Book One is Pissed.

TOTAL SWEARING IN BOOK ONE: 230

 

book two

swear word number of times
Arse 6
Ass 1
Bastard 10
Bitch 12
Bloody 10
Bollocks 2
Bugger 7

swear word number of times
Christ 4
Crap 6
Damn 10
Fucking 5
God 24
Hell 20
Jesus 10

swear word number of times
Piss 8
Poo 1
Shit 6
Shite 1
Sod 2
Sodding 1
Toss 1

Some swear words come with many variations. In these cases we count them all under the basic swear word that they elaborate on,
for example 'Pissing' and 'Pissed' all come under the umbrella of 'Piss' (so to speak).

Honorary swear words: 'Fricking eedgits' (Imitation of Irish accent, 3 times), 'Bejesus' (2 times) and 'Frickin' (2 times).

Ass or Arse? In Book Two 'Arse' wins the 'Ass or Arse?' competition because it was said five times more than 'Ass'.

Swear word said the most in Book Two: If you don't count 'God' (24 times) or 'Hell' (20 times) as being proper swear words, the winner for Book Two is Piss again.

TOTAL SWEARING IN BOOK TWO: 152
There are 78 fewer swear words in Book Two than there were in Book One.

 

 

book three

swear word number of times
Arse 8
Ass 2
Bastard 12
Bitch 5
Bloody 15
Bollocks 10
Bugger 8

swear word number of times
Cack 1
Christ 17
Crap 11
Dammit 7
Damn 5
Fucking 7
God 50

swear word number of times
Hell 32
Jesus 13
Piss 11
Shat 2
Shit 21
Shite 1
Sod 4

Some swear words come with many variations. In these cases we count them all under the basic swear word that they elaborate on,
for example 'Pissing' and 'Pissed' all come under the umbrella of 'Piss' (so to speak).

Best insult: "Will you stop fiddle-arsing around."

Ass or Arse? In Book Three 'Arse' wins the 'Ass or Arse?' competition because it was said six times more than 'Ass'.

Swear word said the most in Book Three: If you don't count 'God' (50 times) or 'Hell' (32 times) as being proper swear words, the winner for Book Three is Shit.

TOTAL SWEARING IN BOOK THREE: 248
That's 96 more swear words in Book Three than there were in Book Two.

 

book four

Swear count for Book Four coming soon.

 

book five

Swear count for Book Five coming soon.

 

book six

Swear count for all the versions of Book Six coming soon.

 

book seven

Swear count for Book Seven coming soon.

 

book eight

Swear count for Book Eight coming soon.

 

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� Jess and Hannah 2005

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