Jess woke up in Hannah's bed.
“Hannah, why do you have a painting of Daniel Johns on your ceiling?” She asked dozily, looking up through half-closed eyes.
“I don't.” Hannah replied, sitting at the edge of the bed.
“Oh dear God!” Jess cowered as Daniel threw a coconut at her.
“I think we might need to get her to a hospital.” Hannah exclaimed to a nearby Chris B, who was dressed up as a nun because Jess kept waking up, seeing him and fainting.
Chris thought for a minute and rearranged his head-dress whilst watching Jess whose eyes were focused on something above the bed in horror.
Jess gasped, picked up the bedside lamp and started swinging it viciously above her head.
“Maybe we should.” Chris nodded.
“She might have broken something…in her brain…”
“More likely dislodged.” Chris corrected.
“Maybe her brain disconnected itself! Maybe she's brainless!!” Hannah panicked. “Oh good Lord her father's going to kill me…five times over!!”
“What?” Hannah remembered that Chris knew nothing of Jess's father-adoption situation and decided to shut up fast – Jess didn't need a SIXTH father.
“Nothing. But I really think we should get her to hospital.”
“ARRRRRRRRRRGH!” Jess was now hiding under the bed with her legs poking out one end, screaming: “The bottles!”
“Is there a hospital on Mars?” Chris asked.
“We'll have to find out.” Hannah picked up the phone handset that was on her coffee table and pressed a button. “Hello? Is that Mars directory enquiries?” She asked.
“Yes.”
“Great. I was wondering if there's a hospital on Mars.”
“No.” Replied the voice.
“What do you mean, 'no'?!” Hannah exclaimed.
“I'm sorry, ma'am, there's no hospital on Mars.”
“Bugger it.” Hannah looked back at Jess, who had rolled herself up in Hannah's purple duvet and was pretending to be a caterpillar. “Well, what do you do if there's an emergency?!”
“Panic.” Replied the voice.
“WHAT?!” Hannah shrieked.
“Sorry. Little joke there.” The voice chuckled.
“You BASTARD!” Hannah yelled in the phone. “LISTEN UP – MY BEST FRIEND IS SERIOUSLY INJURED AND THINKS SHE IS A THREE-HUMPED CAMEL CALLED JOSEPHINE!”
“Did you call?” Jess poked her head out from behind a curtain.
“SO YOU RUDDY GET ME TO A HOSPITAL!” Hannah concluded.
“OK, OK, I'm sorry!” The voice on the phone sounded apologetic. “In emergencies we airlift patients to Phobos, one of the moons.”
“Right. How do I arrange that?” She asked.
“Come over to the main reception and we'll get you on a ship.” The voice advised.
“Right.”
“And don't forget your patient.”
“No, I won't.” Hannah hung up. “Come on, J. We're going for a ride in a spaceship.”
“Ooooh!” Jess leapt to her feet and tried to climb onto Hannah's back.
“Will you need back up?” Chris B asked, observing Hannah's spine gradually breaking in two.
“Yeah.” Hannah paused for thought. “In fact, I'd better take everyone - I don't trust that lot alone in my room.” She indicated Keanu, Brian, Billy, Dom, Tim, Chris J and Kurt, who were in various stages of meditating (Keanu), trying to seduce others (Brian), playing Tig Tag (Dom, Billy and Chris) and whacking people around the head with a tail (Kurt and Tim).
“C'mon, you lot we're going for a ride on the monorail.” Hannah said, beckoning them all to the door.
They all cheered in unison, then ran off after her.

“What the-?” The receptionist was somewhat surprised to see 2 girls, a nun, 2 Australians, 2 Hobbits, a transsexual, The One and a blue mutant enter the room.
“I need you to help!” Hannah exclaimed. “My friend hurt her head – I need you to take her to Phobos for treatment.”
“Ok. We'll call a space-ambulance.” The receptionist said.
“I'm going with you, Jess, don't worry, Hannah's here.” Hannah reassured.
“Pinkle, squirmy, blib blab blob.” Jess replied.
“I'm afraid you won't all fit in the air ambulance.” The receptionist said, putting down the phone.
“Well, I thought it was about time for a character cull.” Hannah reflected.
“Only 6 people will fit on board.” The receptionist added.
“Ok, no problem.” Hannah bent down next to Jess. “Heads up, girl; you're allowed two men. Go on, pick 'em.” Jess garbled something that sounded Mongolian and fell unconscious.
“What did she say?”
“It sounded like 'No, it's ok, Hans, I'll pass up on my two men so, you can bring ALL of yours.” Hannah said.
“Give it up, Hannah.” Keanu snorted.
“Well, we don't mind staying behind.” Billy said, diplomatically.
“What? A girl needs her FATHER, Billy!” Dom exclaimed.
“Dom, she's a big girl now. She'll be FINE.” Billy rolled his eyes.
“Ok. So Chris B and Kurt can come, and…” Hannah surveyed Tim, Chris J, Keanu and Brian, who was trying to hump Keanu's leg. “Oh, arse.”
“Well, I'm coming whether you like it or not, 'cos I'm your husband.” Chris J said obstinately.
“Bugger…” Hannah scowled. Definitely no chance of nabbing Buddha-Boy now. But, you never know when an opportunity might present itself… “Ok, Chris and Keanu.”
“Aw, STREWTH!” Time started sulking.
“You keep my Jacuzzi warm for when we get back.” Hannah said, sweetly. “And, Brian – I'll miss your smutty innuendo-filled comments.”
“Good times.” Brian concluded, wiping away a tear.
“The ambulance is here.” The receptionist opened the main doors and a hovercraft like vehicle came in.
“Right, let's rock.”
They all ran towards the hovercraft and leapt in through the back doors. Once inside, Doctors laid Jess down on a bed and started to do tests on her.
Hannah stood at the back of the craft and waved goodbye to Tim, Brian, Dom and Billy as they floated steadily away.
“You know,” Keanu warned, walking up behind her. “You shouldn't stand so close to the door – we don't know if we can trust these crafts yet.”
“I know, that's why I'm holding on to this.” Hannah gestured to a handle.
Suddenly the doors blew open and Keanu was sucked out. The doors clicked shut once more.
“Strewth.” Hannah emitted. She watched him float away into space in shock, then walked over to where three Doctors were holding Jess down.
“LET ME GO YOU GIANT SPINE-EATING ANT-EATERS!!”
“She's improving, then?” Hannah inquired.
“Marginally,” one of the Doctors replied. “She did think we were pterodactyls…”
“Whoops.”
“I WANNA MARRY KURT!!”
“Jess,” Hannah warned. “He's just there…” Hannah pointed to where Kurt was standing looking shocked.
“Oh…right.” Jess blushed.