Keanu stood on a podium outside Number 10. Reporters shouted and cameras flashed. Clutching a piece of paper nervously, Keanu started his speech.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” he began. “I am your new President.”
Several people standing near the front of the crowd, wearing black leather trench coats and sunglasses, clapped madly.
“I have prepared a list of policies I wish to enforce, with the aid of my new assistant and resident spin doctor – Jess.”
Jess slunk behind the podium looking evil, shifty, and dare we say it, just plain dodgy. Keanu continued.
“So, my first policy is WORLD PEACE.” Everyone cheered except for George Bush, who was standing at the back of the crowd. “My second policy is better healthcare and education.” More cheers. “My third policy is…cropped brown corduroy trousers to be made compulsory for all men?” A few people clapped, then stopped, and looked at each other in confusion. “Jess, did YOU put that one in?!” Keanu asked. Jess shrugged and tried to look innocent.
“NO! KEANU! NOOO!!” Keanu screamed from near the front amongst the trench-coat clad gang.
“YEAH! IT'D BE DESTROYING OUR REBELLIOUS NATURE!!”
“BECAUSE THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE ISN'T IT?! OUR AFFINITY TO REBEL!!?”
Several of the black-clad people screamed.
Keanu frowned. Couldn't people see him for what he really is? A hacker plugged into the Matrix. I mean, uhh, a happy Buddhist. “Ok…ignore that last statement.” Keanu corrected.
An Annual Budget report came flying through the air and hit him on the head.
“Well…ok, that's it! Take care, love and peace to all.” Keanu gave a smile and waved, stepping down from the podium and walking back into Number 10. “Well I think that went well.” He said to everyone.
“Hmmm.” Jess looked unsure. “I think we need to make some more policies,” she said, drawing a clipboard and pen from nowhere.
“No way.” Keanu said, firmly. “All your policies are STUPID!”
Jess looked indignant.
“That's not fair! I have some VERY good policies!”
“Oh, like the new law that entitles you to gain a genetic engineering grant? What would you do with a genetic engineering grant?!”
“N-nothing.” Jess hid her blueprint for creating a blue be-tailed mutant in her jacket pocket.
“I don't think having you as my spin doctor is a very good idea.” Keanu said.
“What did you say?!” Jess exclaimed.
“Leave now and never come back!” Keanu demanded.
“Where would you be without me? I saved us! We survived because of ME!” Jess exclaimed.
“I'm going to be President on my own!” Keanu replied, crossly.
“No you won't!” Jess stamped her foot. “Not without a FIGHT!!”
Keanu laughed and took a kung-fu stance. “Bring it on!”
“No! Not that kind of fight – a political one!”
“Oh bollocks.” Keanu let slip, looking around panicked, just in case any of his monk friends were nearby.
“I'm going to go up against you in an election and then we'll see who's more popular!”
“It's not a case of popularity, Jess, it's who'll be the better President!” Keanu said, sternly.
“Tough.” Jess smiled. “Either way, I'm going to win. And you are going DOWN!!”
Jess walked out confidently, leaving Keanu curious as to why everyone hated him all of a sudden.

“What's up?” Jess asked Hannah, walking into the study and finding her on the internet.
“Nothing much, you?”
“I've decided to run for Presidency.” Jess announced.
“Why?” Hannah asked, mishearing what she'd said. “Where's Keanu run to?”
“No, there's going to be a proper ELECTION, and I'm going to WIN!”
“Oh.” Hannah looked unimpressed. “Fair enough.”
“'Fair enough'? Is that all you can say?!” Jess exclaimed.
“Well, yes.” Hannah replied.
“Well…sod you!” Jess ran off to conquer the world.
“Idiot.” Hannah continued searching for pictures of Daniel Johns on the internet.
Keanu walked in just as Jess stormed out.
“Blimey, what's her problem?”
“Nothing.” Hannah sighed. “Sit.” She indicated the chair in front of her desk. Keanu sat.
“I'm really worried that Jess is going got take over the world.” Keanu confided.
“You're not putting up much of a fight, are you?!” Hannah said, exasperated. “She's been planning to take over the world since we used to sit together in Economics lessons and she hasn't managed it yet, so I wouldn't worry.”
Keanu wrung his hands.
“If you say so.” He said, doubtfully.
“Seriously. It'll be FINE.” Hannah assure him.
Hannah's desk phone rang.
“Hello? Yes…oh. Oh, I see. Well…thanks.” Hannah hung up. “Jess has just taken over the world.”
“WHAT?”
“Sorry. I guess I was wrong.”
“WRONG? WRONG?! JUST SLIGHTLY!” Keanu exclaimed.
Hannah shrugged. “Easy come, easy go.”
“Thanks for that!” Keanu said sarcastically, getting up and pacing the room, anxious.
“Well…you did always admit continually that you didn't want to be President and that you couldn't do the job.” Hannah rallied.
“Yeah! But I didn't think someone was going to come along and steal the job from under my nose!”
“That's Jess for you.” Hannah summarised, checking her email. “Ooh, just got an email from Jess…Oh! How quaint! It's the new world policies! That's a really handy way to dish them out, isn't it?” Hannah got no reply. “Eh? Keanu??” Hannah looked up, confused. She saw Keanu being dragged out by two well-built men in suits. “Oh, bye then!” Hannah said sarcastically. She sighed and went back to reading her emails - she had a new one from Otto.
“Hello!!”
“Hi, Jess.” Hannah didn't need to look up from the screen.
“So have you heard the good news?” Jess asked, excited.
“What, that Australia won the Ashes again?” Hannah looked up, confused that Jess would pay any attention to sport. She saw Jess wearing a big blue rosette on her suit jacket saying: 'PRESIDENT JESS'.
“I WON!” Jess ignored Hannah's previous comment and danced around in glee.
“Congratulations.”
“Thankyou.”
There was a silence as Hannah finished clearing out her inbox and Jess collapsed, exhausted, onto the sofa.
“Ok. Shall we go out for dinner to celebrate?” Hannah rose from her desk, ready for some partying.
“Jess, you're President of the World. You can have whatever you want.”
“Oh…right.” Jess blushed.