Hannah showered for the first time in
several days and sat in bed, watching the cable TV idly whilst helping herself
to the mini-bar and checking out the Room Service menu.
Jess emerged out of the bathroom after having a relaxing jacuzzi (the benefits
of a suite with a large bathroom) and put on a big fluffy white hotel dressing
gown. She got into her single bed and turned out the light.
"Oi!" Hannah exclaimed. "You expect me to read the menu in the dark?"
"No. I expect you to go to sleep." Jess said.
"Why should I?" Hannah said stubbornly. "Give me one good reason why I should!"
"It's half two in the morning." Jess said.
"Oh." Hannah put down her menu and turned off the TV, snuggling down under the
covers and pulling them high around her ears.
Jess waited five minutes until Hannah's breathing changed into a slow and steady
pattern. She quietly got up, put her hotel slippers on and snuck out of the
door, closing it quietly behind her. She tip-toed along the corridor until she
came to Chris's suite door and pulled out a hairpin from her dressing gown
pocket. She fiddled around with the lock until there was a satisfying 'click'
and the door opened. Congratulating herself silently on her impressive stealth
mission she walked in, closed the door behind her and tried to find the bed, and
more importantly, Chris.
To her joy, they were in the same place.
"Heh HEH."
Jess crept over to the bed, then, unable to contain
herself any longer, let out a loud squeak and threw herself into the bed.
"WAAAA!" Chris, who had been peacefully asleep, awoke with a start.
"Hello." Said Jess, from the other side of the bed.
"You scared the LIFE out of me."
"What?" Jess was taking off her socks. AND everything else.
Hannah woke up suddenly.
"Jess?"
There was no answer.
"JESS?!"
Hannah turned on the bedroom light. Jess's bed was empty.
"DAMMIT." Hannah stormed out into the corridor and bumped straight into Jamie.
"What are YOU doing out here?!" She exclaimed.
"Heard a noise." He said. "How about you?"
"Jess is gone." Hannah replied.
"Two guesses."
"Exactly."
There was a silence.
"I wish Grant was here." Hannah sighed. "You look a bit like him, actually."
"Really?" Asked Jamie.
"Well...not really." Said Hannah. "You're...blonde..."
There was another silence.
"Do YOU fancy me?" Hannah asked. "No one else bl**dy does."
"I...I...I..."
"Must be a temporary lapse. I'm damn GORGEOUS." Said Hannah. "Don't you think?"
Jamie gaped a bit.
"In fact, do you fancy a bit of-" Hannah paused. A look of disgust passed over
her face. "Oh dear GOD! What was I thinking?!" She ran back into her room
and slammed the door.
Hannah lay in bed, trying to sleep.
"Heh heh heh HEH!"
She groaned and rolled over.
"You BAD boy!"
Hannah wrapped her pillow around her head and buried herself under her duvet.
"Oh CHRIS!"
"SHUT THE F*CK UP!!!" Hannah screamed. She got up out of
bed and stormed out of her room, down the corridor and hammered on Chris (and
now Jess's) door.
There was no answer.
"I KNOW you're in there! Come out you B*STARDS!!"
There was still no answer.
"I'LL BREAK DOWN THE DOOR!" Hannah had really lost
her temper.
She waited a minute.
The door opened a few inches and Jess's nose appeared.
"I CAN'T SLEEP." Hannah growled.
"Oh, really? Why?" Jess asked, innocently.
"Because you're GETTING IT ON IN THE NEXT ROOM!!"
"No I'm not!" Jess pretended to be shocked.
"Jess, I can HEAR every WORD you SAY!!"
"No you can't." Jess said.
"SHUT UP!" Hannah screeched. "I'M SCARRED!"
She said. "FOR LIFE!"
Jess couldn't think of anything to say.
"Look, you either STOP NOW or there'll be HELL TO PAY!!"
"Oh! The phone's ringing! Nice to talk to you, Hannah. Gotta run!" Jess slammed
the door and ran off.
"DAMN YOU!" Hannah hammered on the door. She stood beside the door
wondering what to do next when frantic, hysterical, high-pitched giggling
started again. Hannah ran off down the corridor. "This means WAR..." She
muttered. "Not that I condone war..." She disappeared into the lift.
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, of course."
"No, seriously, I heard something."
"Well, if it'll put your mind at ease..."
"It will."
"Don't be long."
"I won't!" Jess hopped out of bed and opened the door into the corridor.
She was bombarded by 700 photographers and 300 journalists, all trying to take
her picture and talk to her.
"Is it true that you're having an ILLICIT AFFAIR WITH CHRIS BARRIE?!"
They all screamed in unison.
Chris appeared in the doorway next to her wearing a dressing gown.
"No." Jess said.
The photographers went psycho.
"Get back in!" Chris grabbed the back of her dressing gown and dragged her back
inside.
They slammed the door.
"CRAP." Jess sat on the edge of the bed.
"We're in SO MUCH TROUBLE." Chris said.
"Correction: YOU'RE in trouble, MR MARRIED." Jess said.
"This is The Book," Chris reminded her. "I'm NOT married. Far too
inconvenient for the plot."
"Oh." Jess considered this. "Well...it's still not good, is it?!"
"No."
The phone rang. Jess got it.
"Hello?"
"JESS?! YOU SON OF A B*TCH!"
"Hi, Hannah."
"I can't get out of GODDAMN room because there's a F*CKLOAD of
press out there!"
"Sorry."
"And it's ALL YOUR FAULT!" Hannah concluded.
"Sorry."
"Sorry isn't GOOD enough! I can't get out!"
"SORRY." Jess sighed. "Hang on ten minutes and I'll come over."
"You'll never get through them."
"I'll push."
Jess hung up.
"Wow. President of the World for one day and I've caused an international
scandal."
"Good going." Chris reflected.
"Thanks."
Jess made a beeline for the mini-bar.
"It's half nine in the morning!" Chris protested.
"Need something to calm myself down." Jess said, firmly. She downed two
mini-bottles of brandy. "Mmm."
� Jess and
Hannah 2003-2004
(Yes, that's right, it took us 18 months)