“Where's Fuzzy?” Hannah asked
Grant, her inhibitions fading as she downed her quadruple vodka.
“HANNAH!” Jess went red and tried to hide behind her
orange juice.
“I dunno.” Grant sipped his mug of beer. “I'm not
his keeper.”
“I know someone who wishes they were-“
“HANNAH!” An orange juice glass narrowly missed
Hannah's left ear.
“Heehee…oh, well…Grant? Wanna make out?”
Hannah asked, hopefully.
“Um…I think I'll just get another drink.” Grant
scuttled off down the bar.
“Oh, for God's sake.” Hannah slumped on her
stool crossly.
“Still having trouble attracting men?” Jess asked her.
“No…no. I'm FINE. There's NOTHING wrong with my
animal magnetism. Watch.”
Hannah climbed onto her barstool and stood up high in the air.
“COULD I HAVE EVERYONE'S ATTENTION?!” The bar fell
silent. “Thanks. Now, hands up if you find me
attractive.”
There was an ominous silence.
“I…I find you attractive.” Jess said,
trying to make her feel better. “In…in a strictly platonic
way.” She added, picturing tails and prehensile spines
briefly and getting distracted.
“Oh, right. I know
when I'm not wanted.” Hannah walked out, majorly depressed.
BAMF! “Oh, I'm sorry, ja?”
Jess turned around to see Kurt appear and Hannah fall over him.
“Heehee.” Jess giggled.
“Guten tag!” Kurt said to Jess.
“Gut- I mean, hello! You won't turn me!”
“Vat into? German?”
“Ja! I mean, NO! YES!”
Kurt looked vague.
In a small voice Jess added: “Maybe.”
Kurt nodded like he understood which he clearly didn't.
“You don't speak English very well do you?”
“Uh, no, not really.” Kurt admitted.
At a quick pace Jess blurted: “Lay me down on the floor and
shag me senseless.”
“Vat?”
“Nothing.”
Hannah, who had managed to twist her ankle when she tripped over
Kurt, hobbled out of the bar and fell into a crumpled heap on the
floor outside.
“Ah, screw it, I'll stay here.” Hannah splayed herself
over the doorstep to make herself comfortable.
“Hannah? Where are you-“
“OW!”
Grant trod on Hannah as he came out of the bar.
“Ooh, sorry. Didn't see you down there.” Grant crouched
next to her. “So…whassup?”
“I'm lying on a doorstep. There ain't a lot 'up'.”
Hannah muttered.
“Oh.” Grant stood. “You gonna stand up?”
Hannah considered this, then tried to get up briefly.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I tripped over that stupid mutant and hurt my
ankle.”
“Aw, come on, it can't be THAT bad-“
“It's probably BROKEN.”
“Come ON, you wuss.” Grant helped her up.
“I'll help you home.”
Hannah stumbled into their kitchen to get a
glass of soya milk to see Jess sitting at the dining table.
“Good evening?”
“NO.”
Hannah poured herself a glass.
“Me neither.” She sat down.
“So, what happened?” Jess asked.
“Grant helped me home because I hurt my foot.”
“That's good, isn't it?”
“NO. He just dropped me off and left. No hug,
no kiss, no quickie behind the bushes…NOTHING.”
“Has Jamie Oliver
eaten all the curries yet?” Natalie asked, (with no notable
tiring tone in her voice), walking into her kitchen. (When we
said Jess and Hannah were in 'their' kitchen we were generalising
too generally.)
“No.” Jess replied. “Apparently he ate loads but
then there were bad repercussions…”
“I don't even want to know.” Hannah and Natalie said in
unison.
Hannah looked at Natalie. “You scare me…”
“So do you.” Natalie retorted. “Well, I guess
you can both sleep on the couch if you insist.” She
sniffed. She was about to walk out of the room when she stopped.
“There is a spare bedroom upstairs if you
want…”
“Ooh!” Jess ran up the stairs.
“I'll take the couch.” Hannah hopped into the living
room in defeat.
“I'll get you a doona [Australian for duvet, people].”
Natalie said.
“Thanks.” Hannah panicked – she should be being
more nasty than this. “Bitch.”
Jess came downstairs the next morning and
nearly fainted with shock as she saw Hannah and Natalie sharing a
friendly chat over breakfast.
“Oh, morning.” Natalie poured Jess a glass of orange
juice.
“Wow. No bitch-fighting this morning?” Jess asked,
taking a sip of her juice.
“No.” Hannah looked at Natalie, surprised. “We've
been getting on fairly well.”
“Yeah.” Agreed Natalie. “In fact, I've just asked
Hannah to move in with me.”
Jess's face lit up.
“COOL! So we don't have to live at the
restaurant!” Jess sighed happily. “No more smelly food
wafting up to our rooms, no chip fat in the bathroom…”
Jess trailed off. Hannah and Natalie looked uncomfortable.
“Oh.”
“Hey, Jess!”
Grant smiled.
“Hey.” Jess didn't even look up.
“What's up?”
“Not me.” She answered. “I'm down so low I'm in
Australia-“
“Jess, we're in space, that doesn't work here.”
“Oh.” Jess fell quiet. ”Where's Kurt?”
BAMF!
“ARGH!” Jess jumped back.
“You called?” Kurt asked.
“Do you have a spare room in your house?”
“Ja!” Kurt smiled, then his face fell. “Actually,
nein – but you can sleep in my bed.”
Jess went white.
“I'll sleep on the sofa.” Kurt added.
Colour began to return to Jess's face.
“Well, ok. If you're sure.” Jess said.
“No problem.”
“Great! Thanks!” Jess began stamping her books more
cheerfully.
Hannah came in.
“Hi, Grant, Kurt.” She paused and looked at the
cross-looking figure behind the counter. “Hi, J.”
“Good morning, TRAITOR!” Jess scowled down into her
books.
“Oh, don't be like that.”
“Like WHAT?”
“All grumpy and cross.” Jess slammed a book shut
loudly, making Grant, Kurt and Hannah jump in unison.
“I am NOT grumpy and cross!” She exclaimed.
“I'm sorry about me moving in with Natalie,
but…well…we just get on really well,
and…well…it's better for one of us to be
homeless than both, right?!”
Jess didn't answer.
“Right?” Hannah repeated.
“Well, for your information, I'm NOT
homeless.” Jess retorted.
“What?”
“I'm staying with Kurt.” Jess said, smugly.
“Y-y'what?” Hannah faltered.
“That's right, you heard.” Jess said, slamming her book
shut with a satisfied smile.
“DAMMIT!” Hannah turned to Grant crossly. “WHY
DIDN'T YOU ASK ME TO MOVE IN WITH YOU?!”
�Because I didn�t want you to.� Grant replied.
There was a
silence. �I�m going to pretend I didn�t hear that.� Hannah said, put out. She
turned back to Jess. �You won�t last five minutes in
a man�s house.�
�Is that a challenge?� Jess looked up from her books.
Hannah thought for a minute. �I don�t know actually. Certainly sounded like one�� She
thought a bit more.
�Well I�m going to move in and I�m going to LOVE it!� Jess
stated.
Kurt looked deliriously
happy.
�Well, we�ll both be happy
then.� Hannah smiled, pleased that everything was working out just right.
�What about our restaurant,
then? You�re just going to up and leave me and the restaurant?� Jess said,
desperation suddenly creeping into her voice.
Hannah frowned. �I forgot
about that.�
�You can�t just leave us! What is it going to do to the restaurant?! When it grows up
it�s going to have such repercussions in its life tha-�
The ping of the bell on the
door sounded and Jess looked up to see Hannah walking off down the street.
�B*TCH!�
Jess hurled a pile of Oscar Wilde at the door and smashed the window.
�Temper, temper.� Grant
said, soothingly.
�I�m not playing second
fiddle to an ex-soap star with a kleptomaniac-like problem with nicking
people�s friends�� Jess muttered, looking for a Yellow Pages to call a window
repair man.
�Are you planning some evil
plan?� Kurt asked.
�No.� Jess said, knocking a
book called �Evil Plans� off the desk.
| << BACK TO CHAPTER THREE | ON TO CHAPTER FIVE >> |
� Jess and
Hannah 2003-2004
(Yes, that's right, it took us 18 months)