“A duvet? So it was you!” He pointed at Jess and Hannah.
“What? No, Daniel, don't you remember? We're your nurses. You just had a bad dream, that's all.” Jess said as convincingly as she could.
“You said I was smothered by a donkey!” Said Daniel.
“No, no, no.” Hannah ran over and pretended to take his temperature. “You're delirious, poor boy.” Hannah couldn't help herself. “POOR ickle baby.”
“ARRRRGH!” Daniel tried to curl up and hide in the corner of the bed as memories came flooding back to him.
“Right. I think you two ought to come and answer some questions down at the station.” Said Sergeant Peters.
“Oh, crap.” Jess muttered.
“Let's just take down your names.” He leant in to read their name badges. “Joe and Andy?! Hang on…”
Suddenly two half naked men came staggering through the double doors behind them.
“Hey! There are our uniforms!” One of them yelled.
“Oh, CRAP!” Jess repeated.
“QUICK, RUN!” Hannah cried, legging it over to the rubbish hatch and trying to get down it. She couldn't fit both legs at once and this proved to be a slight technical hitch.
“You're under arrest for the attempted murder of Daniel Radcliffe. Whatever you say may be taken down and used in evidence against you at a fut-“
“I'm stuck.” Whined Hannah, trying to pull her foot out of the hatch.
“Oh, arse. I knew I shouldn't hang around with you.” Jess said. “I damn well knew it!!”
“I think we're going to need the fire service.” Sergeant Peters sighed.

3 hours later after Hannah's leg had been cut from the hatch by a fireman who Hannah had asked on a date when she got out on bail (she was such an optimist), Jess and Hannah sat in a nearly empty courtroom but for Daniel Radcliffe, a judge, a jury and a random man who Jess had paid the remaining �229.50 to act as a lawyer in their defence.
“…So I conclude that young Daniel here really was smothered by a donkey in the zoo, despite the fact that there were no witnesses, he doesn't remember it and he has an acute memory of Hannah here smothering him with a duvet with Jess as an accomplice.” The man sat down.
“I can't believe I gave him the last �229.50. Why, God, why?” Jess muttered.
“You're so going down.” The judge snorted as he turned to the jury. “Do you find the defendant Hannah Joannou guilty, or not guilty?”
The spokesperson stood up.
“Guilty.”
“NO!” Hannah screamed, hanging her head.
“And do you find the defendant Jess S****e guilty or not guilty.”
“Guilty.”
“DAMN THE BRITISH JUSTICE SYSTEM!” Jess yelled. “I WANT TO APPEAL! I WANT TO TAKE THIS TO THE HIGHEST LAW COURT IN THE LAND – THE HOUSE OF LORDS!” There was a silence. “I KNOW I CAN DO THAT! I STUDIED POLITICS!”
“Take them down.” The judge demanded.
Three policemen walked over and pulled the stunned Jess and Hannah across the courtroom. One policeman escorted Jess calmly along whilst two dragged the kicking and screaming Hannah.
“MY HUSBAND IS GOING TO TAKE YOU DOWN! HE'S A ROCK STAR! HE COULD FUND ALL YOUR PENSIONS!!! HE'S GOING TO BUY THIS JAIL AND MY RIGHTS BACK AND TURN THIS CRAP-HOUSE INTO A PALACE! HE HAS SO MUCH POWER HE COULD LIGHT ALL OF ENGLAND!! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO DO THIS TO ME! YOU HAVE NO RIG-“
“Hans, shut up, we're here.” Jess pointed out the window of the police-van at the grim looking jail.
“Oh crap. Can I get a re-court judgement thing?” She asked the policeman opening the van doors.
“No. It wouldn't be worth the tax-payers money.”
“Fuck.” Hannah muttered.
Jess and Hannah were led out of the fan and past a crowd of booing Harry Potter fanatics.
“How dare you try to kill Harry!” Shouted a girl waving a piece of wood she apparently took to be a wand.
“We hope you rot in there!” Screamed another fan, who inexplicably had an owl perched on her shoulder.
“Oh, great.” So now we're national hate symbols.” Jess muttered as a policeman hurled a towel over her head to stop her being photographed.
They were bustled inside and into a room where they had to pull all their belongings like their phones, purses and jewellery into plastic bags. Then 2 very muscly-looking women in tank tops appeared in the door way.
“If you'd like to go with these two ladies…” The policeman said.
“Why?” Asked Jess, suspiciously.
“They're going to search you.”
“Can't you do it?!” Asked Jess, clinging on to the policeman's arm, fearfully.
“I don't think that it would be proper.” He replied.
“Why?” Asked Hannah, creeped out.
“Because it's a very thorough search.”
Jess and Hannah looked at each other and gulped.

The two ladies didn't actually search them, they just led them past some jail cells and then into a room where they sat uncomfortably for 5 minutes until suddenly, the door flung open.
“Hello.” Said one of the three men that walked in. One of the men approached Jess.
“Could you drop your kegs, miss?”
“Hang on a minute, I recognise you…” Jess said thoughtfully.
“It's the underwear protectors!!” Hannah cried in excitement.
Hannah and Jess looked at each other and smiled – happy times.
“I repeat, could you drop your kegs.”
“Sorry.”
5 minutes later the search was over. The underwear protectors went to leave the room and the one who had searched Hannah turned and said: “You know, if you had kept my underwear advice you wouldn't have that knicker line.”

Jess and Hannah were given one call between the both of them and after much arguing, Hannah rang Chris.

Back in Chris's farmhouse, the answer phone was on. “Hi Chris, look, I hate to leave you in these situations but Jess and I are in jail. Would you mind starting a freedom movement for us? Love you.” The answerphone clicked off.