A couple of minutes later Jess, Hannah and Daniel had settled themselves in the spare room of this girl's house.
“This is ridiculous. We'll never get away with this. What happens when her parents come home?” Jess asked.
“Who's a good boy, finding Mummy a house? Who's a good, GOOD boy?” Hannah said, ignoring Jess.
“Is she alright in the head?” Daniel asked. “It's not RIGHT to imagine you've adopted someone you know!”
“I DIDN'T IMAGINE I ADOPTED RUPERT! HE'S MINE!” Jess erupted suddenly.
There was a silence.
“Oh my GOD, you're one of THEM!” Daniel cried.
Suddenly there was a tap on the window. Jess knocked Daniel Junior out as she flew around to see whether it was a flying car.
“Damn.” She muttered. It was the window cleaners.
“Chris might be single again now.” Hannah said in a depressed voice. “Maybe I can remarry him.” She thought aloud. “Or maybe I can accept the years of repression, bite the bullet and marry Ben.”
Jess sighed and decided to go through these people's draws. A few candles…a clock timer…a hanger…a bit of wrapping-up paper…
The door to the room swung open and the little girl stood there.
“Is Harry free to play?” She asked, excitedly.
“Not for another 4 YEARS!” Hannah said menacingly. The girl ran away screaming. “The youth of today.” She tutted. “No wonder teenage pregnancies are up 500%.”
She covered the unconscious Daniel Junior's body in an attempt to make up for all the nights she had missed tucking him in. Unfortunately she didn't quite have the knack of it and smothered him with a duvet by mistake. There was a wheezing noise and then silence.
“Oh well.” Sighed Hannah. “I guess I'm destined to face this world alone.”
“Hey! I found a beer mat in the shape of a fish!” Cried Jess.
“Um…yeah.” Said Hannah considering her impending jail sentence for murder.
“What are you- oh my GOD!” Jess saw the unconscious (and quite possibly dead) form of Daniel Junior on the floor.
“What?”
“You've killed him!”
“No…he's…just…resting!”
“He's DEAD, Hannah!”
“Oh…crap.”
“You killed Rupert's best friend! Oh my GOD!”
Hannah shuffled her feet uncomfortably.
“Oh, come on…it was a mercy killing…”
Jess already had her phone out and was calling for an ambulance.
“Hi? I need paramedics…and possibly an undertaker.”
“Mummy didn't mean it, sweetums…” Said Hannah, pulling a bunch of flowers out of the vase and putting them on top of the duvet (now a murder weapon) ceremoniously, “Mummy wuvs you!”
“Right.” Jess hung up her phone and smashed the window, nearly killing a window cleaner (so much death!) “Out!”
“What?” Asked Hannah.
“Let's go! Away from the crime scene!”
“But-“
“GO GO GO GO GO!” Jess pushed Hannah out the window (murder attempt number 3).
She grabbed a hold of the ladder and ran down as quickly as possible. In the distance she heard the sound of an ambulance siren.
“Quick! RUN! RUN!” Jess shouted.
Hannah started running around in circles on the front lawn shouting: “Which way?! WHICH WAY!”
Jess shoved her in the direction of a playing field and legged after her.
“Balls!” Hannah screamed. “We're fugitives!”
“Do you actually know what that means?” Jess huffed.
“I though so…” Hannah said. “Maybe I meant 'federal'.”
Jess and Hannah stood behind a tree and watched the ambulance pull into the front drive and the back doors of it fling open. Three paramedics, and two men in pink catsuits jumped out. Jess and Hannah took a breather.
“What, seriously, are we going to do?” Jess asked. “They'll be searching all over England for us…”
“Flee the country!” Said Hannah excitedly.
“I've lost my passport.” Said Jess, sullenly.
“Oh bollocks.” Said Hannah. “Oh, well, that doesn't matter, my dad has travelled without one before.”
“Yes but your father is INSANE.” Jess said.
“And Australian.”
“Oh and I wonder where you get it from.”
“We can only stay in a country legally if we marry a native.” Hannah thought aloud.
“NO.”
“But, maybe you could marry Ben, get an Australian passport, pretend the marriage never happened and live a happy successful life in Australia.”
“I'M NOT marrying Ben, Hannah.”
“But Jess-“
“NO!”
They skidded around a corner and into a policeman.
“'Ello, 'ello, 'ello.” He said. “Have you two young ladies seen-“
“ARRGH!” Jess grabbed Hannah and they legged it away from the guy, disappearing into the distance.
“Huh. I was only going to ask if they'd seen this missing cat.” The policeman said to no one in particular, stapling a 'lost' poster to a tree.