“…So, basically, if you ever get tired of your wife or fancy a divorce of any kind, give me a call. Oh, well, you won't be able to…just come to my grave and mourn. That'd be great.” Jess hung up and handed Billy back his phone. “Thanks.”
“Jess-“
“Goodbye, cruel world!” Jess looked up at Billy, Dom and Elijah. “Well, I guess it's not SUCH a cruel world. But GOODBYE ANYWAY!” Jess sprawled in her chair in preparation for her impending doom.
Meanwhile, in the cockpit, Hannah was frantically pressing buttons in the vain hope that something god would happen.
“JIMMY! YOU ARSE - WHY ISN'T THERE A 'SAVE THE PLANE' BUTTON?”
“Sorry to disappoint you, Hannah, but I DIDN'T DESIGN THE PLANE!”
Hannah calmed herself.
“Ok, girl, just imagine it's one big computer that's crashed…”
Hannah paused then smashed her fist down on the dashboard. “WORK, YOU SON OF A BITCH!”
“That's REALLY constructive action, Hannah, THANKS.” Said Jimmy, staggering to his feet.
“Hang on…” Hannah saw three buttons labelled 'Alt', 'Control' and 'Delete'. She made a lunge for them.

“PANIC OVER, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!” Said Hannah, emerging from the cockpit. “I'VE SAVED THE PLANE!”
“Yey!” Everyone on board cheered manically. Except one person.
“Um…Billy…I need to borrow your phone.”
“But-“
“NOW!”
Billy sheepishly handed Jess the phone. “Please don't make us crash again, I've only got one clean pair of underpants in my hand luggage.”
Jess took the phone anyway. An airhostess ran up to her looking rather stricken. “You are aware that there are phones in the side of your armrest that run internally through the plane and won't make us crash.”
Jess looked at Dom who was sitting (rather appropriately) on her right hand side. “No. You've spent enough of Daddy's money already. Fend off of Uncle Billy.”
Jess pushed the airhostess down the aisle and rang Sean's number. It was the answer phone. “Hi Sean.” She started calmly. “Hannah threw a cricket ball at my head…inadvertently. I have been concussed for around an hour, but I've just come around sane once more. If you have heard anything from me in the last hour, ignore it because it was likely to be a load of utter shite.” The plane wobbled dangerously. True story, Jess thought, she was good. “I hope your child didn't hear that…” Jess hung up and gave herself a literal pat on the back.

The plane started to wobble violently and Hannah pressed the magic three buttons again and then twice more for good measure. The aeroplane stopped crashing, but unfortunately switched off instead.
“CRRRAAAAAP!”
“ARGHHHHH!”
The plane free-fell 2000 feet before restarting. A pleasant voice sounded in the cockpit: “All systems returned to normal, have a nice day!”
Hannah gulped. “That's the last time I press 'Ctrl', 'Alt', 'Delete' repeatedly again.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, please put on your seatbelts in preparation for landing.”
“Thank GOD.” Hannah ran back down the plane and sat down.
“This isn't over!” Jimmy clawed his way down towards her. “You've got to pay for this!”
“PISS OFF!” Hannah yelled at him. “You do realise that you're the ONLY character who has come back and systematically cocked up every other book you're in? You're a total ARSE!”
“Can we tone down the language in front of the children, please?” Dom asked, indicating to Jess.
“Don't you DARE start.” She warned him.
The plane dropped in altitude.
“We're coming in to land at London Heathrow, ladies and gentlemen.”
“Yey!” Said Hannah, happily, then. “Oh, crap.”
“What?” Asked Jess.
“We don't have a home.”
“Ah.”
“Hi!” Nathan sat back down next to Hannah.
“What happened to you?” She asked, having completely forgotten about Nathan's existence.
“You don't want to know.” Nathan dismissed.
“I don't suppose you have lots of money that me and Jess could leech off of?”
“Jess and I.” Said the man with the large broadsheet newspaper. Hannah snatched it out of his hands and hit him on the head.
“No.” Nathan replied.
“Why not?” Hannah moaned.
“Well they didn't pay me much for the World Cup because I only played once…and then I only used to be in the Under 21 team.”
“Nuts.” Hannah grimaced.
“Jess. No. Daddy has no money left. Plus, I'm going back to Scotland with Billy.”
Jess didn't know whether she should be sad he was going or happy that she might be rid of yet another over-protective father.
“Jess?” Jess looked over at Hannah. “We've got to find somewhere to live on our own with no money.”
“We could pawn your wedding ring.” Jess suggested.
“NO!” Hannah clung onto it dearly. “It's the only bit of Chris I have left.” She sniffed.
“Hans, it's either pawn the wedding ring or live in the streets.”
“Streets can be nice.”
“In a box.” Jess continued.
“A big box?”
“With maggots.”
“Let's pawn it.”