Next morning Jess woke at 8, cheerful and excited at the day ahead.
“DOM!” KNOCK KNOCK HAMMER! “BILLY!” KNOCK KNOCK KICK! “GET UP!”
Billy and Dom crawled out of their unrespectable bedrooms half-asleep and bleary eyed.
“Rurre?”
“Uooff!”
“Help me make a plan-of action of how to spend my money!”
“Maybe you should invest it.” Dom spluttered, horrifying himself with his bad breath.
“Maybe I could buy the 'Return of the King' extended DVD from Peter Jackson?!” She jumped up and down.
“Maybe you could buy a plane ticket to go visit Hannah. “Dom suggested, slightly angry at being woken up at the crack (for him) of dawn. Jess ignored the ridiculous idea.
“What have you always wanted to do with your life?” Billy asked helpfully.
“Well, I've sort of done it all.” Jess thought of going to Australia, finding Steve Coogan, finding her real father, buying an island, owning a comedy club, having more men in a book than Hannah and going to a 'Lord of the Rings' premiere. A spark lighted up in her eyes. “I could try and run for president!”
“Primeminister?” Billy asked.
“Whatever.” Jess dismissed. “OF THE WORLD!”
“I didn't think you were an evil, greedy person.” Said Dom.
“It's always the last person you expect…” Jess smiled. “Of course, I'm only going to do it for the recognition.” She secretly thought of changing the laws of bigamy involving hobbits.
They were interrupted by a sudden knock at the door.
“Who could that be?”
“Don't know, are you expecting anyone?”
“No. That's why I said: 'Who could that be?'!”
“Oh.”
The knock came again, louder and more frantic.
“Are you going to get it?” Dom asked Billy.
“Yeah…” Billy walked over to the door and opened it tentatively.
Elijah came running in wearing a pair of dark glasses and a baseball cap. 4 cameramen and 6 reporters tried to come in after him.
“Shut the door!” He yelled at a stunned Dom and Billy, standing by the door. “SHUT IT!” They stood there, dazed.
“GET OFF THE ROAD!” Jess exclaimed, prompting them to scream like a woman (Billy) and close the door with a bang (Dom).
“What the hell are you doing here?” Jess exclaimed.
“Concorde.” Explained Elijah.
“Yes, but…why?!” She asked.
“Did you give my phone number to someone called Ruby?!”
Jess went red.
“Aah.”
“Yes!” Elijah indicated to the reporters outside.
“Sorry. I owed her money.”
“My life is RUINED!!” He cried and slumped down in a chair.
“What? She's a perfectly lovely girl.” Jess said.
“No, she's nice.” Elijah said. “It's just the fact that for some reason the reporters have got hold of some story about me having a lesbian orgy in my house and then pregnating one who was a prostitute of Osama Bin Laden's.”
Billy and Dom looked at each other cheekily.
“Anyone for boiled eggs?” Billy ran off sniggering.
“Want to play tig tag?”
“No.” Elijah said. “I don't feel up to it right now, Dom.”
Jess was standing far away from Elijah, frowning.
“NO. It's NOT TRUE!!” Jess slowly approached him and sat down on the sofa.
“Looks like you need some cheering up, mate.” Dom sat down next to him. “TIG.”
“TIG TAG TIG!”
“NO! ELIJAH! You can't double tig with a tag in the middle!!” Dom cried.
“God! How many times have we told you that!” Billy ran over to say.
“Look,” Jess pulled Elijah back onto the sofa from where he was about to pull his trousers down having lost the game. “I'm desperately bored. I've got �10,000 to burn-“
“Don't! It'd ruin the economy!”
“Shut up, Dom. And I'd quite like to see L.A. How about we go stay at yours?”
There was a silence as they all paused for thought.
“Well…we COULD…”
“It's the perfect plan. You get away from the British press, Dom and Billy get a holiday and I can stalk Se-“
Jess paused and looked at the others. “What do you think?”
“What was YOUR reason for going again?” Asked Billy.
“I…don't have one.”
“Well, I can't see why not.” Said Elijah. His face lit up. “HEY! We could go SURFING!”
“Oh, GOD!” Jess smacked her head against the wall.
“C'mon. Let's go.” Billy headed for the back door.
“You haven't packed!” Jess exclaimed.
“Correction. We haven't UNPACKED.” Dom told her, yanking her out the door.
“Men.”

Ten minutes later Elijah, Jess and Dom were sat in the back of Billy's car playing with action figures and making too much noise.
“LITTLE ORCS! HRRRM!”
“Look at me! I'm a hobbit!”
“Grr. I'm Viggo. Grr.”
“Twang-twang-twang! Legolas to the rescue!”
“I'm a hobbit who screams like a girl! Eeeee!”
“THAT'S ENOUGH!” Billy shouted suddenly from the front of the car.
“Sorry.” The others chorused back.
“Are we nearly there yet?”
“NO. We've got to get to Edinburgh and get a flight to Heathrow.”
“Oh.”
Everybody in the back resumed playing but with doll-sign language.
“We're going to go surfing!” Billy talked on. “I can use my brand-spanking new surfboard that's in Jess's bedroom right now. He ground to a verbal halt. “CRAP!!”

Billy legged it up the stairs and into Jess's bedroom where under 2 pairs of dirty boxer shorts and 1 bit of toast he found the surfboard and dragged it downstairs. He met Jess on the way through the living room who was staring at the '0' on the answer phone.
“Who are you waiting for a call from?”
“Se-“ Jess stopped herself. “No-one!” Jess grabbed Billy and they ran out, locking the door behind them. They heard the distant sound of a phone ringing. “Is that yours?”
“No, sounds like next door – let's go!” They jumped into his car and sped off.
Back inside Billy's flat, the answer phone clicked on.
“Jess? Jess? It's me! Jess? JESS! PICK UP THE GODDAMN PHONE! Oh, Jess, it's me – Hannah! Pick up the phone! Something's happened! Ring me back! I'm on a payphone in Rio De Janeiro!! Quick! I'm running out of money! It's going…it's going…it's gone!” The answer phone clicked off.