“Hi, Xander, me again. Why don't you ever check your voicemail?! Anyway, this is just to let you know I have a vacancy for a father as of tomorrow. So…call me!” Jess hung up. Dom came over.
“Any luck?”
“Leave me ALONE, TRAITOR!”
“Aw, come on, Jess, you knew we had to go after the premiere and the wedding.”
“Yes, but THEN I didn't know I'd have no home, no flatmate and no GODDAMN HOUSE ELF!” Jess indicated to the reception desk where a tin marked 'The Twinkles Memorial Fund for Alcoholic House Elves' sat next to the attention bell.
“Sorry.” Dom shrugged.
“It's not FAIR.”
“Life's not fair.”
“Don't treat me like a- oh, but I LOVE you treating me like a child!” Jess shook her head and felt a really juicy sulk coming on.
“Now, now. No juicy sulks.”
“Oh! You know me mwah muh!” Jess cried into his shoulder.
“Leave Daddy's clothes alone. You'll be fine.” Dom detached Jess from his shirt and wandered off to pack.
“Bu- bu…but who's going to keep me company?!” Jess asked distressed. “I need someone to keep me company!”
“Maybe if you ask Dom nicely he'll give you some money to gatecrash Hannah's honeymoon.” Elijah suggested coming into the room and patting her consolingly.
“No good.” Jess sniffed. “I've forgotten where they've gone.” She started to cry a cry that sounded particularly like Billy. Dom ran over and cradled her in his lap, this did console her further though she wasn't going to let on.
“Though,” Jess sprung up and lifted an inquisitive finger, “I could wait in Australia outside their house for their return.”
“Great.” Dom threw her off his lap. “That's sorted then.
“But Dad…?”
“What?” Dom asked nervously. He knew that voice – it was either a plea for money or food.
“I don't have any money.” Jess sniffed.
“Here's ten pounds.” Dom emptied his wallet. “Spend it well.”

2 hours later, Jess was sitting in Pret A Manger with a sandwich. She was trying to think of ingenious ways to get to Australia with �7.60. (Well, she had had to get a drink to wash down the tasty sandwich).
She had just stood up when she saw Billy and Elijah walk in.
“'Lo.” She said frostily.
“Hi.”
“What are you doing?”
“Getting food for the flight – Sean doesn't trust airline food.” Elijah explained.
“How are you?” Billy asked.
“How are YOU?” Jess asked, coldly.
“Um…fine. But I was asking you.”
“Leave me alone, Scots-Boy. The English kicked your arse at the Battle of Pinky in 1547.” There was a long pause.
“Yeah, well, then the French came to back us up and we kicked your arse until peace was declared in 1550 at the Treaty of Boulogne.”
Jess stared aghast.
“My God, you're educated!”
“Yes.”
“Well…that makes it so much easier to accept you're going…” Jess moaned under her breath, desperate for some intelligent conversation.
“I can't help it. I haven't been home for 8 weeks.”
“I don't have a home!” Jess replied.
“Well, hasn't Dom left you any money?”
“�10.” Jess replied.
“Ah.”
“Yes.”
There was a pause. Jess watched as Elijah paid for some sandwiches.
“Well, you could always come up and stay at mine for a bit. Dom's staying for a couple of weeks, so…”
Jess raised an eyebrow.
“You're going to put me up?”
“Well, yeah.”
“You're prepared to put the most boring person in the world up in your house?”
“Yes…” Billy was beginning to wonder if this was a good idea.
“ACE!”

“Hi, is this the Love Locked Hotel, in the Bahamas?”
“Yeah.”
“Great. I need to leave a message for Hannah Joannou. Could you tell her I-“
“Sorry, miss, but there's no Joannou on our books.”
“What?”
“No Joannou.”
“But my friend is on honeymoon in your hotel.”
“Not if her name's Joannou she's not.”
“Oh…ok…bye.” Jess hung up.
“What's wrong?” Asked Elijah, seeing the expression on Jess' face.
“Hannah and Chris never went to this hotel.”
“But that's the address she gave you!” Sean exclaimed, finding the idea of leaving inaccurate contact details for people completely incomprehensible.
“I don't believe it! She could be anywhere in the world…and I don't know where!” Jess looked pale.
“Well…surely it's a mistake – do you have the number of Chris's house? Maybe they went straight there.” Elijah said.
“No, Hannah said she'd call me when she got there.” Jess said. There was a silence.
“I reckon she just REALLY wanted to get away from you.” Said Orlando wryly.
“Shut up!” Dom muttered at him, kicking him in the shin.
“I KNOW!” Elijah screamed. Everyone looked at him.
“Why are you screaming?” Dom asked.
“Sorry, I just got caught up in the excitement.”
“What excitement?” Dom muttered under his breath.
“Well maybe she's like one of those modern brides that keeps her maiden name.”
Jess thought for a minute and picked up the phone, dialling without saying anything.
“Love Locked Hotel, Bahamas, how may I help you?”
“Hi, do you have a guest staying under the name of Hannah N*****y?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
“Is this that lady again?”
“Uh…” Jess faltered. She hung up the phone quickly. “No.”
“Just ask for Hannah?” Elijah said, sounding like this was the easiest thing in the world.
“Love Locked Hotel in the Bahamas, how may I help you?”
“Hi, can I speak to Hannah?”
“Look lady, I don't know what your problem is. We have no-one under the name of Hannah Joannou, Hannah N*****y or Ha-“ There was a pause. “Actually there is someone called Hannah in room 342. I'll put your through.”
There was a dial tone and two rings and the phone was picked up. It was a male's voice.
“George Hannah.”
Jess hung up. “I give up.”
“What are you going to do, then?” Asked Billy.
There was a three minute buzz of noise and laughter as the others realised that this was a quote from the film.
“ARE YOU FINISHED?!” Jess exclaimed after the noise died down.
“Yeah. Sorry.” Dom cleared his throat.
“But, seriously, what are you going to do?” Billy repeated.
“I don't know.” Jess said. “I can't go back to Scotland with you because Hannah won't know where I am, but if I stay here I'm homeless!”
“Well, she's left and you don't know where she is…” Dom said.
“What are you saying? I know you're insinuating something because you put emphasis on several words in that sentence.”
“I mean that it's not less responsible of you to take off than it was for her to do it.”
“What?”
“Look, she-“
“WILL YOU STOP EMPHASISING YOUR WORDS! WHO ARE YOU, BLOODY JOHNNY VAUGHN?!”
“COME TO SCOTLAND!” Billy screamed.
“OK!” Jess thought about what she had just said. “I can't take that back can I?”