Jess woke up and rolled over, promptly falling off the table she had been sleeping on. She looked up and gazed around through half-closed eyes. She was in the marquee set up for the reception of Hannah and Chris's wedding, the mess of the night before strewn everywhere. She stood up and discovered that she had slept on two unfinished plates of tofu and cous cous salad and several cups of coffee.
“Oh, CRAP.” She staggered over to the exit and stuck her head out. The fresh air hit her like an angry wrestler and she moaned, retreating back into the tent.
“What time is it?” Jess turned to see Sean crawling out from underneath a table.
“Um…half-ten.”
“Oh, GOD.” Sean disappeared under the table then re-emerged with Dom, Billy and Elijah, all looking equally bleary-eyed.
“What time is it?” Dom asked.
“We've had this conversation already. You should have been paying attention.” Jess told him.
“Oh.”
“So, I'm going to go get some breakfast. Anyone seen Hannah?”
There was a silence.
“Erm…guys? Has anyone seen Hannah?” Jess asked again.
“She left yesterday…remember?” Billy reminded her.
“Oh, yeah, of course.” Jess paused. “But when is she coming back?”
There was another silence.
“What's up with you lot today? It's a good thing I didn't drink last night, or we'd ALL be as gormless as you!” Jess turned and walked off. She had 3 complementary coffee mints stuck to the back of her head.

Jess staggered into a nearby restaurant across the road from the marquee that was erected in Hyde Park.
“A plain white bap, please.” She said, leaning against the counter.
“That would be a table for one then, miss?” The waiter picked up a menu and took her over to a dark table away from all sunlight and happy looking people.
“A plain white bap, please.” Said Jess once more, having sat down.
“Would you like more time to think, miss?”
“A white bap, plain, please.”
“Would-“
“MISS OFF!!”
The waiter scuttled away and Jess sat thinking about where in God's name Hannah would be right now and what she would say to her if she was with her. Before she knew better, she let out a sob and reached down for her napkin to blow her nose on.
The waiter returned and took one look at Jess and her nose-wiping material.
“Would you like me to get you a new tablecloth, miss?” He said slowly.
Jess growled. “Why did you return without my bap?”
“Well, I was to ask whether you'd like a plain white with sesame seeds or a plain white with no seeds.”
“What's the difference.”
“Seeds or no seeds.”
“I was being sarcastic.” The waiter waited. “Oh, the one with seeds.”
“We don't have any plain white baps with sesame seeds, I'm afraid, miss.”
“Then wh-?” Jess groaned. “Fine. No seeds.”
“I'm afraid we don't have any pla-“
“ONE GLASS OF WATER! PLEASE!”
“Ice or-“
“NOW!”
“Hi, Jess.” Waved Billy from across the restaurant. “Ooh. I wasn't interrupting, was I?”
“No.” I'm just paying a visit to 'Le Restaurant Incompetante'!” Jess sighed. “Sit down, if you want.” Billy sat.
“Have you heard from Hannah?”
“No.”
There was a silence.
“Maybe she's-“
“It's ok. I've worked it out. She's going to live in Australia, isn't she?”
“Think so.”
“Oh, well. It's not such a big deal. I mean…she was only one of my best friends…my flatmate…my work colleague…” Jess trailed off.
“Are you going to cry?” Billy made a grab for a napkin.
“No, I just ran out of roles she played in my life.” Jess pushed her glasses up her nose. “I can cope. I'm a mature, sensible person. I can deal with this.”
The waiter came over.
“Sorry to disturb you, miss, but – sparkling or non-sparkling water?”
“Right. We're going.” Jess grabbed Billy and walked out.

After bumping into Dom and Orlando in the hotel foyer Jess realised that it was now her responsibility to say goodbye to all 602 of the guests and stationed herself in the reception area to wave them off.
She had counted 329 guests when she spotted Austin Powers leaving with two women on his arm(s).
“Thanks for a great party, baby, yeah!” He ponced out. Jess watched the three of them leave, the girls wiggling their arses fit to bust.
“How many guests is that now?” Billy, accompanied by Elijah and Sean, came over from the lift.
“332,” Jess said, absent-mindedly. “Listen, guys, now that Hannah's gone, don't you think it's…well…almost my RESPONSIBILITY to fill the void her departure has left?”
“Well…yeah, I guess.” Elijah said.
“Suppose so.” Agreed Sean.
“Yeah.” Said Billy.
“Right. So, really, I should be…taking over some of the duties she had…some of the characteristics, one might say.”
“Yeah…” Said Elijah, slowly, not really catching on.
“Right. It's worth a try. So, would you like to help me with an experiment, Billy?”
“Um…yes, sure.”
“Ok. You just stand right there.” Jess took a few steps back.
“What…what are you going to do?” Billy looked terrified.
“Just don't move.” Jess suddenly took a running jump, leapt on top of Billy and knocked him to the floor. “MWWWAH!”
There was a long silence. Elijah and Sean stared on aghast.
Jess stood up.
“NOTHING.” She declared. “Absolutely NOTHING. SHIT.” She stepped over Billy's body and headed for the lift. “I don't think I can fill this Hannah-shaped hole!” She declared, pressing a button. “Thanks for helping out though, guys.” The doors closed.
There was another long silence.
“What in the name of HAGGIS just happened?!” Billy exclaimed, still lying on the floor.