"Hair up," Dom
held Jess' hair above her head. "Or hair down?" He
dropped her hair which promptly fell over her face, obscuring her
vision.
"Is it possible to have neither?" Jess asked, her voice
muffled by her hair. "'Cos neither look that
good."
"Have you decided on your COLOURS, yet?" Billy
asked, eyeing the makeup on the dressing table hungrily.
"Colours?"
"Eye-shadow, lips, cheeks…?"
"What? No! I'll just…slap something on."
Billy and Dom looked horrified.
"'SLAP SOMETHING ON?'" Dom shook his head. "No,
no, NO, sweetie."
"We'll sort you out, don't worry." Billy and Dom
struggled for possession of the makeup box.
"Why have you both gone so camp all of a
sudden?!" Jess asked, exasperated.
"WHAT?" Billy shrieked, before clearing his throat and
replacing it with a deeper: "What?"
"Oh, never mind." Jess tied her now disastrous hair up
and stood.
Hannah came running in.
"We've picked the rings!" She yelled, grinning.
"So you have picked a groom?" Jess asked.
"LOOK!"
Hannah ran up and held her right hand out. On the fourth finger
was a silver ring with a diamond embedded in it.
"Oooooh!" Gasped Dom and Billy flopping their
hands over.
"Isn't it meant to be on the left hand?" Jess asked.
"Whatever." Hannah said, admiring it.
"What's his like?" Dom asked.
"Silver without a diamond." Hannah replied,
unenthusiastically. "Let's get back to mine."
"Ooh, it's just the height of fashion!" Billy
said.
"Thankyou sweety."
"Where are Elijah and Sean?" Jess asked, looking for
some faint shred of normality.
"Going for their suit fitting." Dom replied.
"Suit fitting?" Asked Hannah.
"For the wedding."
"JESS!" Hannah exclaimed. "That invitation said
you and GUEST, not GUESTS, not HOBBITS, not ENTIRE
FILM CASTS…GUEST!"
"Sorry…I couldn't decide – just look at their
little faces!"
Hannah looked at Billy and Dom who had started doing each other's
makeup.
"Yeah, I understand." Hannah twiddled her ring. "I
wonder what Natalie's ring's like."
"If it's bigger than yours there'll be hell to
pay…" Jess said, under her breath.
"Anyway, you're
holding up my thought train…got to run."
Jess was left pondering grammar as Dom and Billy stood behind her
applying lipstick.
"No, put your lips together like this." Dom said.
"Ooh, I get it." Billy got lipstick on his chin.
Next time Jess saw Hannah
was later that night when she went into their bedroom to find
Hannah surrounded by several thousand pieces of paper. Jess
picked up the first one she encountered and read:
'Flower arrangements by some large flower company. One lily for
each guest on entrance to church…one, with extra-staining
pollen for Natalie.'
"Don't you think you're taking this a bit too
seriously?" Jess asked.
"Jess! It's my wedding!" Hannah
exclaimed.
"I mean this competition with Natalie!" Jess muttered.
"Oh, that. No way – I ain't taking this
seriously enough!" Hannah pulled out a sheet of paper
headed with 'Butch's Contract Killing'. Jess sighed and started
out, realising she wasn't going to get any sense out of Hannah.
"Ooh, Jess – I need to ask you about something for the
invitations." Jess turned back wearily.
"What?"
"Are we inviting ALL of your dads, SOME of your dads or NONE
of your dads?"
"You can't invite just one of them. That's mean." Jess
said.
"All of them it is, then." Hannah wrote something on a
list.
"Where are you going to get Peter Cook from?"
"Heaven."
"You can't do that!"
"Why not? I'm getting Lee Evans the Sofa Gremlin to come
from Sofa Land."
"Really?!"
"Yeah. All our friends."
"FRIENDS? LEE?!"
"Yeah."
"How many people
can you hold in a church?"
"As many as I want with the money that is being spent.
"How can your dad afford all of this?"
"Dad?!" Hannah scoffed. "Dad asked Chris
whether he'd help out with the costs…Chris said yes, end of
story." Hannah looked at Jess. "You'd be alright if you
got married, how many fathers…?"
"Hmm. Well, that problem's solved by the fact that I'm never
going to get married."
"I don't want Natalie to get married at my wedding."
Hannah sulked.
"Hans, it's her wedding too."
"Not any more." Hannah laughed. "I'm pulling her out!!"
Hannah cackled. "Hey! Then maybe you and me could get a
double wedding organised!"
"Firstly, it's you and I, and secondly, no."
"Aw, c'mon, Jess!"
"NO! Who would I marry, anyway?"
"Um…er…um…" Hannah gave up. "It was
only a suggestion." Hannah sifted through her papers.
"Could you do me a favour?"
"What?"
"Label up the invitations for me?" Jess opened her
mouth in exasperation.
"Hannah, there'll be loads of them!"
"I know - that's why I'm asking YOU to do
it!" Hannah said, as if Jess was stupid. "Now take
these," She handed Jess some blank invites. "And this
list of names, and GO." Jess took the list and walked
out, muttering angrily. "And DON'T try to miss out people
you don't want to come, because I'm going to COUNT THEM!"
"Who's Otto?" Dom
asked, writing on an envelope.
"Oh, God, she hasn't invited him, has she?" Jess
moaned for the hundredth time.
Billy, Dom, Sean and Elijah had agreed to help Jess do the
invites, since there were hundreds to do. Jess had been
repeatedly shocked, surprised, pleased and annoyed about the
people on the list.
"How many to go?" Asked Jess wearily.
"About…um…" Billy looked at a really big pile
of blank invitations and shrugged.
"Oh, God."
"Shall I go get us drinks or something?" Asked Sean,
standing up.
Everyone looked at each other before saying in unison:
"COFFEE."
"Coffee it is." Sean went to call room service.
"Oh God," Dom
cried.
"What?"
"I just spelt this guy's name wrong." Dom held up the
card and went to throw it in the bin.
"Don't bother!" Jess said. "Hannah will never
know.
"Yeah, I didn't bother re-doing everything so far even
though I wrote that they were invited to Hannah, Natalie, Chris
and Daniel's wedding." Elijah said.
"Sorry I didn't mention it." Jess apologised. "I
was sure you were here when I announced that the double wedding
was called off.
"Oh, you're joking." Dom cried.
"COFFEES FOR ALL!" Sean beamed, returning to the table.
"I got this new waitress to bring them over for
me…"
Sean moved aside to reveal a lady in an outfit somewhat familiar
to Jess (a waitressing one). Jess gasped as she saw her face
– it was…the
facilities manager.
"Dear God, what happened to YOU?!" Jess
asked.
"You resigned and I was out of staff so I
got SACKED."
"Oh." Jess went pink.
"Yes. So now I have to waitress to keep up staff numbers AND
because I'm unemployed!"
"Ooh." Jess reached out and took the tray of drinks.
"Thankyou for the drinks…bye now!" Jess wanted rid
of her ASAP. The waitress stalked out in tears.
"So why was the double wedding called off?" Asked Dom,
starting to go through all his invites crossing off his mistakes.
"Hannah didn't want to share a wedding with Natalie. So
there are going to be TWO weddings – on the same day."
Jess explained.
"How's Ben going to manage that?" Billy asked,
licking an envelope to seal it.
"With great speed, agility and stress." Said Jess,
labelling more invites. "Oh, God, she's inviting HIM as
well…"
� Jess and Hannah 2002