Downstairs, in the
restaurant, Jess, Dom, Sean, Billy and some guy called Viggo (who
Jess thought would look nice with longer hair and a rough beard)
were having second breakfast. No, seriously.
Dom had his head in the papers, literally.
"Excuse me, could I have another apple?" Billy asked a
passing waitress.
"I don't know what to do with my life." Sighed Jess.
"Homeless…lifeless…jobless…" She sighed
again. "What's it like being film stars?"
"Boring but good money." Replied Sean. "Of course
I have a steady marital life so it's ok."
Jess sighed again. (She was beginning to feel a bit dizzy with
all the extra oxygen).
"I feel I should have some sort of life plan sorted
out…"
"I don' t have one!" Said Billy happily.
"Exactly." Jess said.
"Maybe you should run for prime minister." Sean
suggested.
"Hmm." Jess was thoroughly depressed.
"Hey," Billy took her hand. "At least you've got a
great best friend who doesn't know what she's doing with life
either. At least that's not rubbing salt in your wounds. You can
spend time together and enjoy a weird lifestyle!" This did
cheer Jess up a bit. She smiled, satisfied. Everything was going
to be alright.
Suddenly the doors to the restaurant flew open and Hannah ran in
dragging Chris.
"WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!"
"You were SAYING?!" Jess exclaimed to
Billy, who went pink.
"LOOK! LOOK!" Hannah
held out a finger where a silver ring was shining. "It's my engagement
ring!"
"That's MINE!" Jess exclaimed, getting up
to get a better look.
"Well, we needed a ring quick and yours was nearest."
Hannah snatched her hand away.
"Have you actually been CONSULTED about this?"
Jess asked Chris.
"Er…yeah."
"Then you're a damned fool." Jess concluded.
"You can be my bridesmaid, Jess." Hannah said,
encouragingly.
"Ooh, and I can give you away!" Dom said to
Jess.
"It's not the bridesmaid who gets given away,
stupid." Sean muttered to Dom.
"And you're NOT her dad." Billy reminded
him.
"Oh…yeah." Dom fell silent.
Suddenly the door to
the restaurant opened and Daniel came in with Natalie Imbruglia.
Hannah almost choked but Jess prodded her.
"What?"
"I don't know…just that you're drooling when you're
ENGAGED!" Jess shouted. "You're going to be the worst
wife EVER!"
Hannah looked at Daniel walking past. "I'm
getting MARRIED!"
"That makes two of us." Daniel walked off.
"I need to sit down." Murmured Hannah, sitting down and
downing a shot of rum (which had magically appeared).
"What's wrong with you?" Asked Dom. "Aren't you
pleased to be getting married?" He looked at Chris then back
to Hannah. "Hey! You could have a double wedding!"
"Dom, I'd shut up - NOW." Jess muttered.
"That's a great idea." Said Chris. "Daniel
would love it."
"Oh, dear God." Jess closed her eyes and sank under the
table.
"I'll go tell him now." Chris skipped (yes, literally)
up the stairs.
"Oh, dear." Hannah looked shell-shocked. "The plan
has backfired somewhat."
"Plan? What plan?" Asked Sean.
"The plan," Hannah looked down at her
engagement ring.
"Can I have that back?" Jess asked, after a dramatic
silence.
"No."
Later that evening, Jess
made her way out of the restaurant past reception, where she fell
over Jack Nicholson doing up his shoe laces.
"So are you going to do any more work?" Said the
facilities manager bustling up to her.
"Sorry?"
"You will be!" She shouted. "WORK! LOOS to be
cleaned, PEOPLE to look after, BEDS to make!"
"I don't work for you any more." Jess exclaimed.
"What?! But you have to give me five weeks notice!"
Jess started to press the lift button at regular two second
intervals. "Then I'll fire you for incompetence!"
"And I'll sue you for brining on added health risk of me
coming to serve food after only just having cleaned the
toilets!"
The facilities manager went red then ran off. The lift pinged
open to reveal Hannah,
holding a bridal catalogue.
"JESS! Come here and tell me what you think!" Hannah
held out the catalogue. "Now, I'm guessing that Natalie will
go for this over-the-top number." Hannah pointed to a model
wearing a lacy cream dress. "So I'm thinking I'll get
THIS one." Hannah pointed to a model wearing a
scarlet, slashed to the thigh, very low cut dress.
"Hannah! It's a wedding, not a peep show!" Jess
exclaimed.
"No, it's neither. It's a COMPETITION."
Hannah's eyes burned.
"Um, it is actually a wedding, too." Jess
reminded her. But Hannah was off, picking out mad bouquets and
chauffeur-driven bubble cars for the reception.
The lift suddenly pinged and Ben emerged, looking glum.
"What's up with you?" Asked Jess.
"Both Daniel and Chris have asked me to be their best
man." He said, looking glum.
"And?"
"Well I can't do both, can I? I'll upset someone
whatever I do."
"I can't see why you can't do both." Jess said.
"It's all one wedding. You're just being defeatist."
"That's not all that's bothering me, though," Ben said
with a sigh.
"Oh?"
"Well, Dan's getting married, Chris is getting
married…I'll be the only member of the band without a
wife." There was a silence.
"FORGET IT, BEN." Jess put her foot down.
"Firstly, I'm bridesmaid, and secondly, it would take you 6
months to get permission for my hand from all 5 of my dads."
"Ok. It was only a thought." Ben slumped off looking
like thunder.
"Have you picked a dress yet?" Jess asked Hannah.
"And, more importantly, a GROOM?!"
"Yes to the first one, no to the last.
Jess's foot connected
successfully with Hannah's shin.
"JESS! I'll bruise!" Hannah whined.
The lift stopped and opened. Natalie was stood holding the same
bridal magazine that Hannah had. She closed the doors and went
down another floor.
Hannah looked at her magazine and threw it in the bin nearby,
saying: "Oh, sod that."
� Jess and Hannah 2002