Lights flashed and people
screamed.
"JESS! STOP TAKING PICTURES OF US! WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOT THERE
YET!!"
"It's ok! I've got to finish this film. Maybe I can drop it
into Boots and get a new one before the film starts!"
"Jess, I don't think they allow cameras in the cinema."
Billy said, ushering her along.
"Crap." She muttered, taking a few pictures of a
passing lamppost to finish off the film. "HA HA!"
She ran into Boots and ran out fiddling with her camera.
They came to the cinema and were met with the biggest cheer
either Jess or Hannah had ever heard.
Cameras flashed.
"Jess! I SAID-" Jess cut Billy
off.
"It's NOT me! It's the paparazzi!" The paparazzi seemed
very interested in Hannah, still clinging onto Dom's arm for dear
life. She flashed them several smiles and posed happily.
"Thankyou, Hannah, now all tomorrow's papers will be
full of the story of our passionate love-affair and our secret
love-child." Muttered Dom.
"What love affair?!" Hannah looked down at her
stomach." What love-child?" Dom rolled his eyes and
stomped off.
Suddenly, above the heads of the crowd, Hannah spotted Chris,
scowling at her forlornly. She suddenly ran at the barrier and
threw herself into the crowd, who cheered and passed her over
their heads. She was placed neatly down in front of Chris.
"Hi."
"Hello." He said sourly. "Having fun with your new
fancy man?" Hannah gasped.
"You know about the love-child, don't you?!"
"What?" Chris was confused. "You were meant to be
coming out with me this evening."
"I know, I know…" Hannah looked apologetic.
"But I got sidetracked, I mean, it's a PREMIERE."
She sighed. "Honestly, you're getting as bad as Colin."
"COLIN?" Chris was exasperated. "Who's COLIN?!"
Hannah, pissed off, grabbed Chris' hand and led him through the
crowds and to the barrier, which she jumped over.
"Come on. Come see the film with me!" Chris looked
sceptical but followed her. They walked back to where Jess and Billy were both
standing on the red carpet, partially blinded from the camera
flashes. They were watching with what eye power they had left,
Liv Tyler roam up and down the carpet signing autographs. Hannah
got a bit fed up of the attention loss and pulled the carpet into
a small ridge. She fell on her face. Hannah laughed. They all
smiled. End of story.
"I don't quite know
what we're meant to do here."
"Oh, trust us, we're professionals." Said Dom.
"How come?" Hannah asked.
"Oh come on, think Hannah." Jess said. "They've
been to like 50 premieres for 'The Fellowship' and 'The Two
Towers' each!"
"Yeah, thanks Jess." Said Billy. "You're really
clever…" He walked off to help Elijah carry the 7 boxes
of popcorn.
"Yes, that's what it is…clever." Jess lied,
blushing.
"Hey look! It's Hannah's favourite man's arse to stick her
head up!" Orlando walked over, dressed in a frilly orange
shirt and eccentric blue jacket. Hannah, who had been holding onto Chris' arm,
dropped it suddenly and ran over to Orlando.
"Orli! Hello!" She beamed at him. "Nice
outfit." She added.
"Hmm." Hannah had just failed Orlando's decent
woman-o-meter – if they complemented his outfit, they were OUT.
"Are you going in?" He indicated to the door where
Peter Jackson and Ian McKellan had just gone in.
"Yeah…where's Chris?" Hannah turned around and saw
Chris talking to Cate Blanchett. "BASTARD!" She
exclaimed. "C'mon Orli," She said, grabbing his arm in
what he was sure was a judo hold. "YOU can be my
date." She marched him inside.
Hannah sat herself down
next to Orlando, who looked somewhat shell-shocked at suddenly
getting a date for the evening, and John (Partridge man) who
muttered something to Ian McKellen about young people having no
respect for their elders.
Hannah seeing a shiny
penny under the seat in front, dived down to pick it up.
"What are you doing in my seat?" Said an Australian
woman's voice from above. Hannah, still trying to pick up the
penny which seemed to be lodged in a groove, shouted up:
"Didn't anyone say, I'm sitting here now."
"WHAT?! This is preposterous! That seat is reserved! I bet
you weren't even in the film!"
"No…but…I…I wrote the music for it." The
damn penny was wedged still.
"GET OUTTA MY SEAT!!" The woman screamed.
"PISS OFF! I WROTE THE MUSIC!" Hannah lied. She tugged
at it and tugged at it. Suddenly it dislodged itself and it flew
up into the air over the top of her head. She sat up and smoothed
her hair and dress down. "Bugger."
Sean, Jess, Billy and Dom
were sitting respectively about four rows back from Hannah and
Orlando.
Jess was quite happy sitting in her seat until Christopher Lee
came along.
"Excuse me, would you mind removing your coat from the back
of my seat?" He asked.
All the hobbits cowered and Jess whimpered a little.
"Do as he says…" Advised Billy, shuddering.
"He can…do things…" Jess whipped her
coat off the back of Christopher's seat (it was a habit she had
developed) and smiled apologetically.
Christopher sat in his seat with a 'humph'.
"Suddenly the penny that Hannah had sent flying through the
air came back to earth and smacked Jess on the head. Dazed, she
fell into Dom's lap.
"Aw…there's no need to be scared," Said Dom,
soothingly. "The scary film hasn't even started
yet!" Jess sat up quickly, feeling fairly disturbed at the
fact that every guy she met instinctively tried to adopt her.
The lights dimmed. Since it was a premiere there were no adverts
and the film certificate came up immediately. Everyone cheered.
Suddenly there was a disturbance behind them and Jess turned to
see Elijah wading through people muttering:
"Excuse me…sorry…excuse me…" Billy and
Sean both raised hands to wave him over to his seat, as he
appeared to have no idea where he was going. He finally
found his place between Jess and Billy and sat down.
"What were you doing?" Sean hissed over at him.
"I had to go to the bathroom – I mean, come on, man,
this movie's three hours long!"
The music started up as
the New-Line Cinema sign came up. Hannah smiled and said: "I
wrote this music!" This was answered by a load of
"ssshh!" down the row, then people who didn't say
"ssshh!" the first time, said "ssshh!" to
those who had. It continued in this form until everyone in the
cinema was turning around to the person sitting next to them and
saying "ssshh!"
Over the sound of a thousand "ssshh!" there came an
"arhhh!".
Everyone shut up and settled down to watch the film.
Jess was so excited that she was shivering with excitement, or
maybe it was the high powered air-conditioning, either way Dom
offered her his coat persistently.
Hannah heard a slap that she reckoned to be about four rows back
from her.
"Ooh. This is exciting!"
"It would be more exciting if you'd shut up."
Orlando replied.
Just as the titles started rolling, there was a crackling noise
and the picture on the screen slowed down before stopping
completely.
"ARRGH!" Hannah stood up with her head in
her hands. "NOOOO! Why, God, why?!"
"Um…just a small technical error, folks,"
Said a guy in a suit, coming in from the doors at the back.
"We'll be back on track in a couple of minutes."
A loud groan rose from the crowd who settled themselves in their
seats for a long wait. Elijah's face was frozen on the screen in
a very strange position – he had been about to say something
when the film stopped.
The real Elijah bent his head to one side and gazed at his odd
expression.
"God – it's a good thing the wind didn't change when we
were filming."
Suddenly a silhouette of a man appeared over the cinema screen
– obviously the guy trying to fix the projector. But then
another figure appeared, and they seemed to be arguing about
something, although the audience couldn't hear them…
"I'm going to check it out." Said Hannah, looking for
some excitement. "Come with me, Orli." She got up.
"I'll come with you," Said Jess, also rising.
"Not without ME, you're not!" Dom got up
suddenly. "You're not allowed to wander off on your own,
young lady!"
� Jess and Hannah 2002