Exhausted, Jess and Hannah
pushed the dessert trolley out of the kitchen and started to do a
tour of the restaurant. They pushed their way up to table 1.
"Dessert?" Hannah asked unenthusiastically.
"Yes please." The tall, super-thin, African-American
super-model looking woman replied. "Have you got blue-berry
cheesecake, extra low fat, no calories?"
"Uh…no." Hannah replied, starting to move the
trolley onwards…closer to running over Daniel's foot…or
neck.
"Excuse me," The man who was sitting on the table with
the lady stood up. "I don't think you quite understand. That
wasn't a request, that was an order."
"Yes. And I replied no. No cheesecake.
Sorry!" Hannah and Jess tried to wheel onwards but the man
was now standing in front of them.
"When Naomi orders – she gets."
"And when I say no, I mean NO!"
"NAOMI WANTS CHEESECAKE!"
"AND I WANT LOTS OF MONEY! BUT IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN IF YOU
DON'T GET OUT OF MY WAY!" She started to push
the trolley tauntingly, banging into his shins.
"We should report
you to the management!" The man said, clutching his shin.
Jess, suddenly very angry, turned around to face him.
"My friend Hannah here," She indicated to Hannah who
was gazing over at Daniel on table 3. "Lost both her parents
to an ill-tempered house sparrow when she was 4. She has lived in
an orphanage ever since and this job is all that lies between her
and the STREETS." Jess wiped away a fake tear. The man and
Naomi began to look guilty. "In the orphanage, there was no
food. They had to eat…floorboards. So next time you ORDER
for food," Jess paused for dramatic effect. "Remember
that, at the orphanage, they have to BEG." She sniffed, and
wheeled the trolley on.
"Wow, Jess I had no idea you were such a good liar!"
Said Hannah, running after her as they approached table 3.
"Hang on…have you ever lied to me?!"
"Course not." Said Jess, with a wicked glint in her
eye.
"Good." Hannah smiled. "And I have never lied to
you!"
"Yes you do, frequently. Particularly when we're
jogging." Jess said.
"Well, you do need some encouragement." Hannah
explained.
"Saying that we're only going to run 60 metres and then we
end up running 3 miles is NOT encouragement."
Hannah sniffed. "I get stabbed in the back for trying to
help us!"
"Hannah, I know you're lying."
"Fine." Hannah said, then quietly, "Wanker."
"Pardon?"
"I said, thank-ya!"
Jess pushed on the trolley and then realised that she actually
had no control over it, and they were steering straight towards
table 3. Hannah smiled and flicked her hair at Chris.
"Hello,
there," Hannah said, skidding to a halt. "Can I get you
gentlemen anything? Banoffee pie? Ice cream?" She leant
towards Chris. "Strawberries and cream?"
"Could I have some ice-"
"Shut up, Ben." Hannah snapped.
"I'm fine, thanks." Said Chris, mildly embarrassed.
"I KNOW you're fine, but would you like some
pudding?" Hannah burst into hysterics.
"Hannah, come on, table 7 have finished." Jess said,
looking over at them and gnashing her teeth. Those boys were
gonna get it good.
"Ok." Hannah turned back to Silverchair. "I'll see
you boys later." She turned to Chris. "Hope you enjoyed
your massage." She walked off, and as she approached table 7
she heard Daniel exclaim:
"Massage? What's this about a massage?!" Hannah
smiled.
"My plan's working PERFECTLY!" She hissed at Jess.
"Good for you. You don't happen to have any cyanide, do
you?"
"Not on me, no."
Jess sighed, then looked back at Hannah. "Huh?!"
They were interrupted by table 7.
"12 super large luxury dessert sundaes please, with EXTRA
CREAM!" The guy who'd ordered the partridge roared.
Jess and Hannah bypassed him and headed for Dom, Sean, Billy and
Elijah at the other end of the table.
"Fortune cookies for all!!" Jess handed them over.
Dom broke his open. "Money!" He said surprised. "Hush
money!"
Jess looked innocent.
"Don't question the messenger, it's bad luck."
"Hey, look at my moral-slip from the cookie!" Elijah
said. "'Forgive and reconcile with the two females who you
argues with then because close, close friends, suspecting
nothing."
"Oh, shit. Wrong one." Jess took the slip and put it in
Dom's hand and took the slip saying 'Use Sting to impale your
closest' from a confused Sean and handed it to Elijah.
"Right, well,
let's not forget that not obeying the cookies usually means a
painful, slow death. So…" Jess smiled and punched
Elijah on the arm. "See you later, mates!"
"Ow." Elijah muttered as Jess and Hannah scuttled of to
table 14.
Hannah handed Jess a toilet
brush and rubber gloves.
"Cleaner is 'sick', apparently." She explained.
"Yeah, well, you've got to be sick to clean toilets
for a living." Concluded Jess, pulling on the gloves.
"Ok, we've got to do the whole of the first floor. Catering
are covering the 2nd."
"That's not very hygienic, having the kitchen staff cleaning
toilets." Jess exclaimed.
"Not my problem." Hannah said, starting off down the
corridor, wielding her toilet brush.
Suddenly Chris, Ben and Daniel appeared from around a corner.
"ARRGH!" Hannah dropped her toilet brush, realising she
looked a real state in her 'cleaning' clothes. This could destroy
her entire plan! "What are you doing here?!"
"I've come to get a FULL BODY MASSAGE!" Daniel replied.
Hannah almost fainted. Thank goodness there was a small plant in
the hall that she squashed when she leant against it. "You
want one?!" She said, breathing fast.
"What? No! I want the TRUTH!"
Hannah looked at Chris who had a red ear – it looked like
Daniel had tortured for information. This was devotion.
"Um…well…"
Hannah decided to deny EVERYTHING. "I didn't pretend to give
Chris a massage, I haven't been flirting with him and I MOST
CERTAINLY haven't been trying to make you jealous."
Daniel raised an eyebrow (what was left of it).
"Oooh. I see."
"What?! What do you see?" Hannah looked around
furtively.
"You pretended to give Chris a massage, you've been flirting
with him and trying to make me jealous."
Hannah's mouth hung open. Damn! Her cover was blown!
"You read me like a BOOK!" She exclaimed.
"I'm going to go clean some toilets." Said Jess.
"It's less distressing." She paused. "And less
smelly." She dashed off.
"So. You've been trying to make me jealous." Said
Daniel.
"Um…well…you COULD say that," Said Hannah,
going pink.
"That's cool." Said Daniel. "I've been trying to
make YOU jealous too. With Ben."
There was a silence.
"WHAT?!" Hannah yelped.
"Nah, I didn't THINK you'd noticed." Daniel
said.
"I think I'm gonna be sick." Said Hannah, running off
to the bathroom.
"Oh for God's sake,
Hannah! I just cleaned that one!"
"Sorry." Said Hannah.
"Did you eat something funny?"
"No, I'm just pretending to be sick so Daniel will feel
sorry for me." She said through the cubicle door, quietly.
"Why, do you think he's outside?"
"I hope so. He is, isn't he?"
Jess went to the door and pulled it open. There stood Ben.
"Is she ok?"
"Fine."
Jess sighed and left
the toilets. There were more to clean and she was on a tight
schedule – toilets, lunch, luggage, screaming at unruly
customers, then bed.
"I'll catch you later, Hans, I've got loos to clean."
Jess pottered off down the corridor, leaving Ben to comfort a
supposedly-vomiting Hannah.
Jess had finally finished
cleaning the first floor loos and returned to reception, where
she found a note in the pigeonhole behind the desk she shared
with Hannah.
"We wanted to resolve our feud with you (the fortune cookies
did tell us to, after all). So come up to our rooms for drinks at
7. From Dom, Billy, Sean and Elijah."
Jess grabbed her walkie-talkie.
"Hans, get down here. You won't believe what I've just found
in my pigeonhole.
Jess and Hannah stood
outside room 343.
"I'm getting sick of random guys butting into our
lives." Jess muttered after Hannah had knocked.
"Now, now, Jess, they HAVE made a peace offering."
Hannah said, calmly.
Suddenly the door was pulled open. Jess and Hannah suddenly had a
flash of pure realisation. The town they were in was London.
Everybody they served was famous. And Elijah
Wood had just opened the door in preparation for them to
have tea with the cast of the big-budget film 'The Lord Of
The Rings'. It was all a bit much for Hannah:
"Oh, sod that."
� Jess and Hannah 2002