"Don't make me jog.
God, please, no."
"Sorry, Jess, but we need to be fit and healthy for running
up and down all those stairs with all that luggage."
"That's what the lift's for." Jess muttered.
They had woken up mid-afternoon and would be doing a short
evening shift (waitressing again) before going home late,
hopefully getting back to a normal time pattern – they were
due in at 8 the next morning.
"My jogging gear still isn't clean since the other
day."
"Stop whinging and start stretching." Jess begrudgingly stretched her calf
muscles for a while and then stopped. "Ok! Fully warmed
up!"
They started to jog down the road and out of the square that they
were living in and down the busy road, full of large red buses
and big black taxis They made their way down the long road and
entered another square with the large column in the middle.
Jess almost trod on 5 pigeons and successfully knocked three over
whilst Hannah dodged them like she was jumping through tyres.
They got stopped by three Japanese families on separate occasions
and were asked to take pictures.
They circled the column, killed two pigeons en route and ran back
through their square towards the hotel.
"Too many people round here." Muttered Hannah.
"Too many tourists." Said Jess.
"Why come here? We're no where special, are we?!"
Hannah said.
They turned the corner to the hotel and ran straight into Dom,
Sean and the Scottish guy.
"Right. This,
frankly, won't do." Hannah said, getting angry.
"That is twice you've interrupted our jog."
"S…s…sorry…" Sean cowered behind Dom,
which was rather fruitless as Dom was already cowering behind
Sean.
"Look, it's ridiculous. Can't you walk somewhere else? Like
THERE?" Hannah pointed to the middle of the road where cars
were speeding past.
"We SAID we're sorry," Dom said, trembling.
"Right, that's it." Hannah rolled up her sleeves to
have a good old punch up.
"HA! We've brought our secret weapon this
time!" Sean said, nudging forward the Scottish guy.
"Go get 'em, Billy." Said Dom encouragingly.
"Is this your secret weapon?" Jess exclaimed.
"He's no bigger than you! In fact he's shorter
than Hannah!"
"Only by an inch." Said Billy in a very small voice.
"I make that two." Said Hannah standing directly in
front of Billy and trying to look down on him.
"I don't care…" Said Billy, gaining confidence.
"I know two really obscure martial arts forms at a grade 7
level!"
"Ooh…You scare me." Said Hannah sarcastically,
rather scared.
Billy started to sing in the middle of the pavement.
Hannah looked around embarrassed that anyone could hear.
"Shut up! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" Hannah fell to her
knees.
"You have quite a nice voice." Jess smiled at him.
Billy smiled at Jess. Somewhere in the background Hannah heard
the sound of tweeting birds and all things spring-like. Strange.
At least he'd stopped singing.
There was a sound of
record being scratched as the birds stopped singing and Jess'
'anti-man' radar kicked in.
"KICK HIS ARSE, HANNAH!" Jess shouted, "DON'T BE
FOOLED BY HIS SIREN SONG!"
Hannah leapt in and started beating up all three of them at once.
A voice in the back of Jess' head was warning her of something
telling her some important information she had to take
notice of…
"La la la." Said the voice. Jess frowned. That wasn't
very useful information. Then another voice in her head said.
"The Hotel Worker's Handbook…rules…page
25…article 7, paragraph 3…never fight with
guests!" She leapt over to Hannah and smacked her around the
face.
"Get off them!"
"Bloody hell, you've changed your tune!" Hannah dropped
Dom, who she was holding by the throat, and reached up to her
pink cheek. "I can't cope with these constant mood
swings!"
"Don't you remember? The Hotel Worker's Handbook, the rules,
page 25, article 7, paragraph 3!!"
Hannah looked blank.
"Remind me."
"We can't beat up anyone staying in the hotel or we get
INSTANTLY DISMISSED!"
Hannah suddenly pulled all three men to their feet, then shone
Dom's shoes, tidied Billy's hair and planted a kiss on the top of
Sean's head simultaneously.
"There we go." She smiled. "Anything else I can
get you?"
"A neck brace?!" Said Dom, inspecting his wounds.
"HA HA! Good joke, sir!" Hannah said, then muttered
through the corner of her mouth to Jess: "Run, run
whilst I distract them!" Hannah said. Jess looked at her to
Dom, Sean and Billy, then back again.
"Ok." She said and ran off round the corner to the
hotel. Hannah smiled sweetly at them for a little while.
"Any questions?"
They all shook their heads.
"Good, 'cause I've got a man to ensnare. See you at
dinner!" She ran off. "JESS! WAIT UP!!"
The three men stood stunned, then two of them turned on Billy.
"Why didn't you kick her butt?"
"Well…" Billy struggled. "She wasn't fighting
in format!"
"That's it." Said Dom. "Next time we come out
we're bringing Orlando. He'll beat her up…or seduce her or
something…then there'll be WAR!" He grinned.
Sean and Billy took two steps back.
"Room service!"
Hannah marched into the room as soon as the door opened.
"But I didn't order any room service!" Said
Chris, confused. Hannah pulled the sheet off her trolley and look
at him.
"Oh, I think you did, sir. I think you ordered a full-body
massage."
"What? No I didn't!"
"YES," Said Hannah loudly, leaning towards the
wall that she knew adjoined Daniel's room. "YOU DID
ORDER A FULL BODY MASSAGE!"
"Seriously, Hannah, I didn't."
"WHAT'S THAT, CHRIS?" Hannah said, pushing her mouth
right up to the wall. "YOU WANT TWO FULL BODY
MASSAGES?"
"Hannah, I-"
"WITH BABY OIL?"
"Hannah for God's sake-"
"AND ST-RAW-BERRIES!"
There was a hurried knock at the door. Hannah smiled. That would
be Daniel. Plan completed.
Chris opened the door. It was Jess.
"Hannah, what the hell are you doing? I could hear you on
the eighth floor. Come on, we have luggage to shift."
"Ok." Hannah walked out. "Bye Chris."
Chris was left standing in the middle of the room, very, VERY
confused.
� Jess and Hannah 2002