"I'm scared," Jess said, walking sandwiched between Ben and Xander.
"Oh...don't be..." said Xander, backing up slightly and pushing between Jess and Ben. Now he was in the middle.
"What's wrong, Xander? Scared?" asked Ben.
"No," Xander said, scared.
Ben pushed inbetween Jess and Xander.
"You were. Wuss."
"LOOK, you fraidy-cats, will you all pipe down?" Lee called back to them. "We're trying to navigate over here." He looked at his map and frowned.
"I don't know if this is right, Lee," said Hannah. "The path is getting really rough."
"Yeah well we're not really going anywhere in particular are we?" Otto part stated, part suggested.
"Well," Lee sighed. "We've kinda got to go to the centre of the wood 'cause more of the animals hide out there."
"Just head inwards," Otto said.
"Oh you make it sound so easy," Lee said sarcastically.
"Have you got any better ideas?"
"No."
"Then shut up." Otto transformed into a llama in a puff of beige smoke.
"What was that for?"
"Easier on my hooves," Otto explained, trotting along.
Hannah was immediately attracted to his side and hugged him. "Oh you're so tough! And cute! And adorable! And I could just cuddle you forever!!" She hugged him continuously as they walked (or in Otto's case, trotted) along the winding track.
"Can you change into a llama, Ben?" Jess asked.
"No."
"Xander?"
"No."
"Aw." Jess hung her head.
"LOOK!" Lee pointed ahead of them. "I think we've found something...it looks like a clearing."
"Ooh..." said Jess. "What's a clearing?"
"We'll teach you when you're older," said Ben.
"I'm sick of your attitude, Ben - how's she meant to learn anything when you postpone her education!" Xander exclaimed.
"Maybe you should do your bit and put in a bit more effort" Ben shouted.
"I'm WORKING, Ben! PROVIDING!"
"I DON'T WANT TO BE A SINGLE MUM!" Ben sobbed.
"What?" Jess looked around. "I've already got a dad! I've got two! I don't need a mum!"
"There there." Ben patted her on the head. "Don't worry. Mummy and Daddy aren't getting divorced. It's just an argument!"
"What's a 'mummy'?"
"She's definitely getting worse," Ben said to Xander over her head. "YO! WHERE ARE WE AND WHERE'S THE POSSUM!?" Ben shouted upfront.
"IF I KNEW, I'D TELL YOU. UNTIL THEN, P*SS OFF!!" Lee shouted back at him staring at the map.
"What's 'p*ss'?" Jess' voice floated forward.
"I love you! You're so cute!" Hannah was still wrapped around Otto the llama.
"Oh get over it."
"No! You're very...um...attractive."
"I'm a llama."
"Yes...as I said...very attractive," said Hannah.
The group suddenly burst into a clearing.
"This is it," said Lee.
"This is what?" asked Hannah.
"A clearing."
"Oh. Is that good?"
"Well...it shows some sort of progress," said Lee, positively.
"It's getting late," said Otto, his hooves coming to a halt. "We should stay here tonight. We should settle before it gets dark."
"I'm getting custody," said Ben, stubbornly.
"Are you HELL," said Xander.
"LOOK!" shouted Lee. "It doesn't matter! Let's just light a fire and shut up."

Lion created a fire by swishing his tail back and forth along a log until the friction created a spark which caught the log and the tinder wood they had placed around it. Unfortunately, nature then called, and they were back at square one with the fire. Lion growled and settled down behind a bush for the night - he didn't want to be embarrassed again like the poppy field incident.
Otto settled down for his night-time reading by moonlight with 'The Book'. After reading 'The Book Two' he was curious as to what had happened before hand.
"That is very bad for you, you are aware?" Hannah commented from her sleeping position on the ground. "You'll end up needing glasses like your father."
"Like father, like son," Otto dismissed, turning over a page.
"Can you imagine a llama with spectacles?"
"No."
"I can, cute!" she squeaked.
"Well, I'll just read by moonlight then if you don't mind."
"Well actually I do," said Hannah.
"Oh." Otto was taken aback. "We're not going to try a bloody fire again, that's for sure!"
There came a growl from behind the bushes, then a whimper, then a fart.
"OH FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!!" Lee shouted. They all settled back down to hear Lion scuffling further away to settle at another bush.

"This really is the last straw, Benjamin!" Jess opened her eyes to hear angry voices coming from behind a nearby tree.
"I'm doing the best I can! It's hard to bring up a child in today's harsh environment!"
"Your 'best' clearly isn't good ENOUGH!" Xander shouted.
"Don't shout at me like that, dear-"
"I'll talk to you how I damn well want!"
There was a silence.
"How DARE you talk to me like that?!" There was a loud slapping noise. Then Ben emerged from the bushes. "There, there, Jess, love, Mummy's here."
Jess sat up and, after a moment's thought, got up. "You're weird." She walked over to Hannah, who was curled up next to Otto the llama. "HANNAH!" Hannah awoke with a start. "Ben and Xander are spooking me out."
"D'hear that? You 'spook her out'!" came Xander's voice. "Custody is MINE!"
"It was time to get up anyway." Hannah rose to her feet. "Get up Fluffy!" Hannah poked Otto.
"The llama remained still but spoke, "I told you, my name's Ottollama."
"Whatever Fluffy!" She jumped up and stretched. "I think today is going to be brilliant!" she exclaimed happily.
Otto stood up grumpily with a sore llama back. "You are aware that you had your head on my crotch all night," he snapped.
Everyone winced as the 7 by 15 inch plank of wood made a thumping contact with Ottollama's jaw. The llama fell to the floor with a dazed expression and his tongue hanging out of his mouth.
"Bad, bad llama!" Jess shouted at Otto.
Hannah hit him over the head once more for luck.
"Careful, you don't want to kill it," said Xander.
"Oh that's typical!" Ben cried. "You care more about a random goth llama than your own daughter!!"
"Will you take it outside?!" Lee exclaimed, scowling.
"We ARE outside," Xander said, angrily.
"Look, we really need to get moving, so if you'd stop arguing..."
"How far are we from the centre of the wood?" Otto asked, changing back into a guy.
"Oh...damn," muttered Hannah, disappointed.
"Not far...10 miles?" said Lee, examining the map. "We should make it today if we GET GOING!" Lee shouted the last two words towards Xander and Ben, who were discussing access.
Lion, who had trotted deep into the forest to relieve himself for the morning, suddenly came running back into the clearing. "He's after me! He's after me!" Behind Lion flew a small black bat.
"DAD!" called Otto, turning back into a llama amongst the excitement.
The bat turned into Batell who turned directly to Lion and started shouting. "HOW DARE YOU! YOU...YOU...YOU LITTLE SH*T!"
Lion cowered and wet himself.
"Woah, what's going on?" Ottollama looked between his dad and Lion in confusion.
"HE came into my territory and used MY toilet for his sh*tty little sh*t problem!" He stopped suddenly to see Ben frowning at him with his hands over Jess' ears.
Jess looked up in silence. "What's sh*t?" she piped up.
"You've done it now!!" Ben and Xander said in unison.
Hannah picked up her 7 by 12 inch plywood once more in preparation to knock someone out.
"QUIET!!" Lee screamed. "Christ!" he exclaimed when everyone fell quiet. "If we don't hurry up and get this bloody possum, we'll remain cartoons forever and we'll never be able to leave cartoon world-"
"I thought it was Disneyland..."
"Yeah, WHATEVER!" Lee straightened out his sofa material waistcoat.
"Will you help us find this possum?" Hannah asked Batell.
"Well...if I must."
"DO IT FOR YOUR SON!" Xander cried, pointing at Otto (still a llama). "DON'T DESERT YOUR CHILD!" He broke down into tears. "DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I DID!"
"I said I'd do it!" Batell exclaimed. "Now...follow me."

<< back to Book 3.3

� Jess and Hannah 2002