
| Welcome to Chapter Eight - writing in blue is Hannah's, and writing in red is Jess's |
"That was not so
scary," said Hannah, finally coming out from behind Otto.
"This place could be quite nice really with a lick of paint
to brighten things up."
"Ooff! Sir!" Jess said suddenly.
Everyone turned around to see Jess
looking at a guy standing on a
street corner. He was wearing a pink catsuit.
"Woah! Who the hell are you?" asked Otto.
"I'm Fred. Who are you?"
"We're
travellers," said Lee, cautiously.
"Oh my God! You're from the S.S.S.S., aren't you?!"
Hannah exclaimed.
"Erm
yeah
I work in Disneyland on weekends,"
the guy said, going as pink as his catsuit.
"Why are you standing on a street corner in a pink
catsuit?" Jess asked, innocently.
"Why are you inside someone's shirt?" the guy asked,
rudely.
"I'm
borrowing it."
"While he's still wearing it?!"
"Jess! Come away!" exclaimed Hannah. "He's
obviously a
well, the S.S.S.S. aren't paying him
enough!"
"What?"
"You know
a man of the night
?"
"What?"
"He's a
he does favours for
people."
"What?" Hannah went red. "Sorry, you'll have to
spell it out for me."
"Alright
P
R
O
S
T
I
T
U
T
E
?"
Jess looked blank.
"Oh, for God's sake, Ben, bring her over
here," muttered Hannah.
Ben looked at Hannah
who was holding a cricket bat in a menacing manner.
"Um, I think not." He stood still nearer to the
S.S.S.S. soldier. Jess was quivering under his shirt so he patted
her. "There there
nothing to worry about."
"Sorry to intrude the happy clappy gathering, but who the
hell is this guy and what the hell is the S.S.S.S.?" Otto
growled.
"Oh, read Book Two," Hannah dismissed him.
"Where?"
"Try that shop."
Otto entered the book shop behind him.
Hannah looked back at the S.S.S.S. soldier. "You wouldn't
happen to know which way the Wild Wood is would you?"
"Hey! I already know!" Lee shouted, jumping up and
down.
"Oh. Alright then. Sorry to bother you." Hannah
finished the conversation and walked on with everyone else.
A few minutes later Otto came running out from the bookshop with a
carrier bag in hand.
"I can't believe you,
Hannah! You're such a B*TCH!" Otto shouted ahead at her.
"What's up with him?" Xander asked.
"Oh, he probably got to page 207," Hannah said
dismissively.
"Jess, love, you'll have to get out now because I'm getting
tired of carrying you," said Ben.
Jess dropped out the
bottom of his shirt and shot up Xander's trouser leg.
"Oh
Jesus!" he whinged as Jess poked her
head out of the top of his jumper.
"Lee, I'm concerned when we get to the Wild Wood, how
will we find this magical flying possum?" Hannah asked.
"I thought we'd use GUNS," said Lee.
"Shouldn't we take it back alive?" Hannah asked.
"I'm all for GUNS," said Otto, raising a hand. "OH! That was a great comeback
baby!"
"What is that book?" Ben turned around and
looked at Otto who was enthralled.
"Oh, it's nothing," Jess said, pushing him onwards,
momentarily detached from Xander's trouser leg.
"God! I'm knackered!" Hannah moaned.
"You should think of something better to say having Jess'
brain and all," said Xander.
"Aw no. She's not that bright really. She just makes out
like she is."
"I vote for guns," Jess said.
"Guns are a bad idea guys!" Hannah said. "What if
the Wizard of Sofa Land wants him alive? We're a bit screwed then
aren't we?"
Everyone paused for thought.
"Also, being a vegan, I'm completely against hurting any
animals," Hannah added, squashing a mouse as she stepped
over a random log.
"You're so full of sh*t," Otto said, reading the book.
Hannah looked up. "Right, we're using a gun."
"I can't believe what a b*tch you are!" Otto cried.
"I'm seeing you in a whole new light now!"
"I'm sorry?!" Hannah exclaimed.
"Page 209?"
"Ooh
sorry about that."
"Hypocritical slag!"
"Oi! Watch it!"
"Will you two cut it out?!" Ben exclaimed. "We
must be nearly there now, right, Lee?"
Lee looked at the
map, then up ahead. "Yep, we're just on the last page of the book
now."
"Great," said Ben, pointing. "There it is!"
Sure enough, ahead of them was a white picket fence with a sign
on it saying, 'The Wild Wood. No homicidal squirrels.' Beyond the
sign was darkness.
"Oh God."
"Is that it?" asked Lion.
"Yep," said Lee.
"And that Possum is in there?" asked Hannah.
"Yep," said Lee again.
"Are we gonna die?" asked Spike.
"Yep," said Lee. "I mean NO
no."
"Ready?" Peter asked.
"Ready as I'll ever be," said Lion, wetting himself.
"Oh no
" Hannah closed her eyes. "Here we go again
"
� Jess and Hannah 2002