"This place is massive," commented Xander, helping Peter up for the sixth time - he kept tripping over his clown trousers.
"Well, by my calculations we're about two miles into Disneyland," said Lee.
"How big did you say it was?" asked Spike, walking on his hands to save time
"Erm...27 miles across."
"Oh, GREAT."
"Howdy there, partners," said a voice ahead of them. It was Goofy.
"Oh, dear God," said Otto in disbelief.
"ARRGH!" Jess ran behind Ben for safety. Unfortunately her duck bottomed suit stuck out around Ben and Goofy stared over.
"Daffy is that you?"
"No."
"Donald?"
"No!" Jess cried.
"Oh." Goofy sounded depressed. "Alrighty then!"
Peter was bending over trying to do up a shoelace, apart from the group. His bum wiggled around in the air as he looped the right hand lace to pull the left hand lace through.
Suddenly out of nowhere a Looney Toons Mail Delivery van zoomed down the road and ran him over.
Ben ran over and viewed the tyre marks on his back. "Peter? Peter, you alive?" He shook his shoulder.
Jess giggled. "A dead person dead again!"
Peter groaned suddenly and stood up brushing himself down. "My head hurts." He tried to brush the tyre mark off but it didn't budge.
Suddenly he looked down to see a saw protruding from the ground, cutting a circle around his feet. The circle of ground below him disappeared and he was left standing in mid air.
"Oh, God." Suddenly he fell down into the hole.
"Nice to see you all getting to grips with cartoon logistics," Lee laughed.
"Look, Lee, I'm getting seriously ticked off now-" said Hannah. "Is there a faster way of getting to the other side of this stupid town?"
"TAXI!" Lee screamed. A small yellow car appeared from nowhere. "Get in, everyone!" Lee called.
Ben picked the hole Peter had fallen into up off the ground, tucked it under his arm and leapt in with the others.
"Hello! Hello? Are you in there Mr Peter?" Jess called into the hole. "With your big strong muscly ar-"
"Shut up!" Hannah screamed at Jess.
The taxi cab swerved back and forth through all of the sudden traffic and they looked out of the cab windows to see large skyscrapers protruding from the ground. They could hardly see the top of them and 'Rhapsody in Blue' was playing somewhere close by.
The driver of the taxi stood on the break and they all got thrown against the back of the seats in front. "You'll have to get out now. I've gotta have lunch," he explained.
"But you can't just leave us here!" said Xander." We want to get to the Wild Wood place."
"Sorry." The driver pressed a big red button and they were ejected out of the sun roof into a puddle by the kerb.
"Oi! Wha...wha...what's your big idea, you...you...imbeciles!" They looked up to see Porky Pig standing by a bus stop with a briefcase.
"Oh God," said Jess, the only one to see the bus coming. It promptly ran all of them over and came to a stop.
"Ooh..." said Xander, looking at the stars flying around his head.
"Quick! We'll get this bus!" Lee exclaimed. They all leapt up and got on the bus. "Erm, nine to the Wild Wood, please," Lee asked the driver, who appeared to be a giant rabbit.
The whole bus gasped and then fell silent (and the passengers, too).
"W…w…where?" the driver asked.
"The Wild Wood," repeated Lee.
The whole bus gasped again (but the passengers stayed quiet this time).
"I…I don't think I can do that," the driver said.
"Oh…PLEASE…?" Lee exclaimed.
"I…I can take you to End of The Rd., but I can't go any further!"
"Oh, OK. Nine to there, then," Lee said, impatiently.
The driver gave them their tickets and they sat down. People looked at them and whispered.
"Whats your problem?" Hannah asked two twins with their hair in bunches sitting next to her on the bus. "One day in the not so far future I will rule the world and you'll be very sorry."
The two girls burst into tears and wailed loudly.
"Look." Otto nudged Hannah and nodded over at Lion towards the back of the bus. Porky the Pig was trying to open the door on his stomach since he had been turned into a Porta-Loo.
"DRIVE FASTER!" Ben groaned at the front of the bus. He picked up his slingshot from his back pocket and shot a conker at the back of the bus drivers head. The bus swerved violently and almost ran over Bugs Bunny on the sidewalk.
"I don't get it," Hannah told Otto. "This isn't Disney orientated, it's Looney Toons as well."
"Oh, I overheard your conversation, begging your pardon, but it used to be just Disney but Looney Toons moved in two years ago due to a big overhaul in the cartoon world…it was very exciting becau-"
"Ok, mate, that's all the explanation I need," Hannah told Elmer Fudd.
The bus stopped with a jolt.
"T…this is End of the Rd…" the driver said with a quavering voice.
"Great." Lee got up. "Come on, you guys."
Everyone got up, and Peter tried to remove the several small dogs who had crawled into his huge trousers for a snooze.
They all left the bus and stood on the edge of the pavement as the bus sped off…at speed.
Lee unfolded his map. "We're still a mile and a half from the edge of Disneyland and the beginning of the Wild Wood."
"That's Ok," said Hannah. "According to my calculations, there are still 12 pages of the book left."
Everyone looked confused.
"Oh, never mind," Hannah muttered.
"So, which way is it?" Ben asked, straightening his cap.
"That way." Lee pointed down a dark, dodgy-looking alleyway. There was a sign on the corner: 'ABANDONED CHARACTERS STREET'.
"I don't like the look of that," said Spike, making sense for the first time throughout their adventure.
"Isn't there a way around?" Xander asked, afraid.
"Sorry," Lee said. "This is it."
"I don't want to go down there…it's scary," Jess declared, sticking out her bottom lip and hiding behind Peter.
"Well…if we all walk down there together…it'll be ok," Otto said, although he didn't sound too sure.
"I'm scared." Jess almost burst into tears. She grabbed a hold of Ben's arm with apprehension and shook nervously.
Hannah hid behind Otto, gritting her teeth as the invisible violins reared into dischordal mayhem.
They strolled down the road attempting to look brave but failing miserably.
Lion was flushing every 10 seconds.
Two tumbleweeds rolled past them and Xander got dust in his eyes.
"Arse!" Hannah said, randomly trying to work out ways of ruling the Universe but failing.
"Who do you think lives down here?" Jess asked.
"Abandoned characters hopefully otherwise the tourist bureau will be getting a letter from me," Lee replied.
"I prefer this normal dirt track to the purple slate road. That kinda got tiring to walk on," Ben commented. Lee looked over to him.
"Don't diss the purple slate road."
"Sorry," Ben said sheepishly.
After a moment Lee added, "It used to be purple ceramic but people kept falling over and trees kept burning down because the sun would be reflected off the tiles and singe the leaves."
"You could always have made it out of brick," Jess suggested, poking her head out of the collar of Ben's shirt – it was safe in there.
"BRICK?!" Lee asked. "Where do you think you are? Oz?"
Jess scowled and retreated back into Ben's shirt.
Suddenly there was a clunking noise, like heavy footsteps, coming from one of the side roads.
"ARRGH!" The group huddled together, except for Lion who was exiled for wetting himself in all the excitement.
The footsteps got louder; closer.
"…Um…Peter, go and do something!" said Lee.
"Why me?"
"You're…you're tallest!"
The footsteps got closer.
"Oh, JESUS!" squeaked Xander.
A figure suddenly appeared from the side road and stepped into the light. Everyone gasped…it was…an incredibly tall robot.
"Who the hell are you?" Otto cried.
The robot burst into tears (yes, this robot was so technically advanced that it produced an accurate pH of tears). "I…I thought people knew me!" it sobbed.
"Here." Jess came out from underneath Ben's shirt and handed him Ben's hanky.
"Hey! That's mine!" he cried. Quickly shutting up when the robot said:
"I've got a laser." Then he added. "But it doesn't work anymore."
"Who are you?"
"An abandoned cartoon character called Timmy the Tobot."
"What the hell is a 'Tobot'?!" Hannah scoffed.
"That's just it!" The robot sniffed (or played an electronic recording of a sniff), "Nobody caught on…the cartoon was only around for two days."
"Two days?!" Ben said. "Jesus, you must have been sh*t!"
"I've got a laser!" The robot warned and then burst into uncontrollable tears.
"Oh…dear…" Jess tried to pat the robot's shoulder, but she couldn't reach.
"Why are you all here?" Timmy asked. "To LAUGH at Timmy the Tobot?"
"Well, actually we were going to the Wild Wood, but while we're here…" started Otto.
"Erm, no, no…just going to the Wild Wood…that's all," Lee affirmed.
Timmy dropped the hanky, which landed on Peter's head. Jess appeared from nowhere, shot up Peter's leg and grabbed it before disappearing back inside Ben's shirt.
"What's she DOING in there?" Xander asked, in awe.
"You tell me," said Ben.
"So…you're not going to kill us?" asked Lion, wetting himself just for good measure.
"NO! Of course not! I was a friendly robot…in the two days I was on air."
"And now?" everyone asked.
"Well…I'm not on air anymore, so I can't really be exiled anymore. So I've got nothing to lose…" he trailed off.
"OH GOD!" Before he knew it, they had all disappeared and all that was left was a cloud of dust. Timmy broke down into tears.

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� Jess and Hannah 2002