“What are we going to do?” Jess asked the two Ians she could see (the tomato juices were slowly wearing off and the extra half of her vision had cleared up).
“Erm...” Ian wasn't really sure what was appropriate in times of kidnap.
Jess squinted out the two doorways. “Let's go and find Dylan. He'll know what to do,” Jess said. She took a tentative step forward. “Which of those doorways is the real one?”
“There's only one...” Ian said, confused. “Um...”
“The left one?” Jess promptly walked into the wall to the left of the doorway and fell over. “Ah...the RIGHT one.” Jess closed one eye and crawled through the door.

“It's been a good half an hour now,” said Jimmy, impatiently. “Shouldn't she have come to rescue you by now?”
“She's just taking her time...” said Hannah, fluttering her eyelashes. “It gives us some extra time... together.”
“Do you have any sedatives?” Patrick asked, annoyed that their plan wasn't going...to plan.
“If you do...you should give them to Patrick...then we'd be...” Hannah paused for thought. “Even more alone.”
“Go and buy some.” Jimmy turned to Patrick pointing at the door.
“But Sir--”
“I can cope with a girl.”
Patrick walked out and Jimmy turned back to his captee.
“I'm not a girl, I'm a lady.”

Patrick ambled out of the rainforest and down towards the main beach. It suddenly occurred to him that there was no-where on the island that he could buy anything from. He remembered about Hannah saying there was a magical architect somewhere.
He stopped and called out quietly, “Hello? Mr...Architect? I...I would like to build something...please?”
The architect suddenly vaporised in front of him.
“I want a shop,” Patrick said.
“A shop sir?”
“Err...yes. A 24-hour-newsagent...thing, please.”
“Certainly sir.”
22 builders appeared from behind the llama pen and constructed it before his very eyes. After 10 minutes it was finished, complete with an Indian shop attendant and a porno magazine section on the top shelf of newspapers.

Back in the rainforest hut, Hannah was trying her hardest to attract Jimmy's attention. “I love the commando look...it suits you.”
Jimmy ignored her.
“And the mud in the hair...very now.”
Jimmy looked out of the window and hummed a song idly.
“I think you'd look good in--”
“HANNAH!” Jimmy shouted.
“Yes? Sweetness?”
“SHUT THE HELL UP!”

Jess ran into 'The Jess-ter' and saw Dylan chatting to a guy in a black cape.
“Who are you?” asked Jess, frowning.
“Captain Laughalot,” the man said.
Jess looked at him in confusion before turning to Dylan. “I need your help.”
“Why?”
“Jimmy's kidnapped Hannah.”
“Ah. You DO need my help.”
“Yes. Ian's outside. Come on! We have to find her!”
“What about me?” Captain Laughalot asked. “I've come, I've seen, I WILL make people laugh!” he chanted.
Jess punched him in the face.

“Jimmy? You didn't really mean that did you?” Hannah asked.
“No.” Jimmy sighed looking out of the square hole in the wall that was a window.
“What's the matter?”
Jimmy scuffed the dirt on his shoe against the wall. “I'm...I'm lonely,” he admitted.
“You don't want to be lonely, you just want to be alone?”
“Yeah, how did you know?”
“It's a Silverchair lyric. Who needs a schooling education - all you need to do is listen to 'Diorama'.”
Jimmy growled. “I would paste your mouth up but I'm out of dental floss.”
“Aww, don't get angry again sweety-pie! Let me out of this floss here and I'll cook you some mean pasta!”
“Pasta would be nice,” Jimmy agreed walking over to stand in front of Hannah.
“She put her leg against the side of his leg and drew it up. But it got caught on his belt and she yanked it upwards in an attempt to free it. It gave way, flinging upwards and knocking Jimmy on his jaw so hard that he fell to the ground with a thud unconscious.
“Oh God.”

“So, why did he kidnap Hannah?” asked Dylan as he, Jess and Ian hurried along the beach towards the rainforest where they suspected Jimmy was camped out.
“Because he's a freak, she's a freak...they wanted some freak time together, as freaks do...?” Jess half-stated, half-suggested, vaguely.
“Ok,” said Dylan, deciding not to ask further questions.
“I'm sick of this, I want to go home.” Jess sighed as they came to the edge of the rainforest.
Suddenly Patrick ran up from behind them. “Excuse me! Coming through!” He barged past them.
“Quick - follow him!” Ian exclaimed. “He'll know where Jimmy is!”

<< back to Book 2.4

� Jess and Hannah 2002