Patrick, after considering
his thoughts for a while, set off to Jimmy's rainforest hideout. He ambled through the trees that had lots of small strange
animals in them...he stopped when he saw a small possum-like
creature under a bush...it looked a bit like Jess.
“Oh, so you've come crawling back then.”
Patrick looked
up to see Jimmy coming out of his hut with a few pairs of wet
trousers in his hands. He started to hang them up on a wire
between a tree and his house. “I never crawled away to begin with,” commented
Patrick, watching Jimmy get in a tangle with his clothes.
“Well, you've come to grace me with your company...”
“Yeah, I guess,” Patrick said quietly.
“Been doing some thinking, have we?” Jimmy finished
pinning the last pair of trousers to the line and turned to
Patrick.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Well, it better have been hard thinking boy, I don't want
you joining my selective tribe and leaving within a week like
some who have come before you.”
“Who was that?”
“Tyke.”
“Oh.” Patrick put his hands in his pockets and squirmed
a bit. “Well I guess I've made a decision.”
“You guess?”
“Err...I mean I've made a decision.”
“Pay attention to who you're addressing boy!”
“Sorry Sir, yes Sir, I've made a decision to join your force
Sir.”
“That's better,” said Jimmy. “Now drop to the
floor, do fifty press-ups then come into your quarters, mind you
remove all footwear.” Jimmy turned and went into his hut,
pulling shut the bamboo door behind him.
Patrick dropped to the floor and started to carry out his
sergeant's orders.
“Yeah...Yeah, you're right! Thanks,
Dylan!” Hannah sped out of the Star Bar.
“Hannah! HANNAH! I was joking about leaping off the
cliff! HANNAH!” Dylan ran after her just as Jess reached the
door to come in.
“Woah...” She was bumped out of the doorway. “'Hi
Jess, nice to see you...yeah, I love you too...'”. She
stomped over to the bar.
“You look like you need a drink,” commented the barman.
“I do.”
“What can I get you?” Jess thought hard. She really was
p*ssed off. She needed some of the hard sh*t.
“A tomato juice.”
Silence fell over the bar.
There was
a gasp from the barman. “Are you sure, Miss?”
Jess drew herself up to her full
portly stature. “Yes.”
The barman scurried away to fetch the
bottle and a glass.
As Jess waited for her drink Ian came over. “Are you sure about this?”
“No.”
“This isn't the answer to your problems.”
The barman
placed a glass and an open bottle in front of Jess.
“It might be worth a try.”
“No-one ever found the answer to their problems at the
bottom of a glass.”
“Reserve a space in the Guinness Book of Records. Jess - the
first woman to find the answer to her problems at the bottom of a
glass!” She downed the entire glass in one and staggered
slightly.
Ian caught her before she fell over. “Jess, please--!”
“Get me another one!” Jess commanded to the barman.
He
paused, and looked from Jess, to Ian, and back again.
“DO
IT!” she screamed.
Hannah was running as fast
as she could past the rehab centre towards the edge of the
highest cliff in JessHannahtropolis.
Dylan, panting hard, was
trying to catch up with her, but he just didn't have the stamina. “Wait! Don't do it Hannah! I was only joking!”
“No, no Dylan. I understand. You've made your point very
clear! This island is not big enough for a fical man-eater like
me. Therefore I should go,” Hannah shouted back over her
shoulder as she ran up the incline to the edge.
Dylan collapsed with exhaustion and held out his calling,
“Hannah!”
“I defy you stars!” Hannah screamed lifting her
head and hands to the sky and made her leap...unfortunately, she
didn't go anywhere, for Jimmy had his arms around her waist.
“You're going nowhere chicken!” he commented.
“Take him down soldier!”
Hannah looked at Dylan collapsed on the floor and Patrick, in an
army uniform, stood over him. “Uh, he's taken down,
Sir!”
“Oh, alright then...back to base!” Jimmy carried Hannah
off in a fireman's lift back to his rainforest hut with Patrick
running behind.
Jess had had five and a half tomato juices and
she was feeling pretty rough.
“I feel sick.”
“I'm not surprised,” commented Ian, who was currently
employed as a support for Jess, who was seeing two and a half of
everything and couldn't stand up straight.
“I want to go home.”
“Ok - I'll take you back to the hotel, but I don't want to be
around tomorrow morning when you wake up with the mother, father,
auntie and uncle of all hangovers.”
Jess pulled herself to her
feet and the pair were about to leave the Star Bar when Tyke
burst in through the window and growled menacingly at the crowds. “Oh...what are those dogs doing in here?” Jess asked.
“Dogs?!” Ian asked, holding her up.
“Yeah, those two terriers...and that poor one with only two
legs.”
Tyke bounded over to Jess and shook himself
violently. A roll of paper fell out of his fur and landed by
Jess' feet. Then, with an air of disgust, he turned, urinated on
Ian's shoes and left.
“What do those two and a half rolls of paper say?”
Ian
shook his shoe, sighed and picked up the paper. “'Jess - if you want to see Hannah alive again you must come
and rescue her and give yourself up as an exchange for her.
Signed, the Jess Destruction Squad (Patrick, Jimmy and Tyke)
xx'.”
There was a silence.
“What does the other roll and a half say?”
Jimmy finished tying Hannah
to a chair with dental floss and stood back admiring his captee.
“Like what you see?” Hannah asked Jimmy sexily,
completely throwing him so that he stuttered:
“Uh...um, you're meant to be scared and asking me what I'm
going to be doing with you next...”
“Oh, sorry baby. I'm so scared!” Hannah play-acted,
fluttering he eyelashes. “What are you doing with
me?!”
“This isn't going well is it?” Patrick said coming and
standing next to Jimmy, looking at Hannah who was making kissy
faces at him.
“Oh, you've grown!” Hannah said in mock surprise.
“You're all rugged and manly! Up here hiding
away in your little hut...all on your own...one could get up to anything
up here, it's so far from civilisation...sexy, don't you
think??”
“Uhhh...” Jimmy was flummoxed with his jaw hanging
open.
“Should we go to the beach? Keep an eye out for Jess?”
Patrick suggested.
“Good idea,” Jimmy said.
Hannah's eyes widened. “Ooh! Let's roll!”
� Jess and Hannah 2002