“I WIN!” Hannah said
triumphantly. “Pay up, buster.”
Patrick
unenthusiastically took off his jumper to reveal a purple polka
dot shirt and passed it through the bars dividing his and
Hannah's cells.
Hannah took the jumper laughing like a hyena.
“I did hope it wouldn't come to this,” muttered Patrick
turning red.
“Tough!” laughed Hannah. “I won, fair and square.”
There came a rustle of leaves outside the rehab named jail-like
centre. Patrick and Hannah both looked up at each of their
windows in either cell. Hannah saw what made the noise as Jimmy
rammed his bandanna wrapped, camouflage painted face against the
bars at her window.
“I'm going to kill her!” He widened his eyes for
the effect. “And then we will fly...fly my
pretties! Fly away from here!”
There was a brief silence.
“You're a nutter.” Hannah sat back down by the dividing
bars and started to think of another gambling project.
“No! Hang on, wait Jimmy!” cried Patrick, jumping up.
“Come round to my window! I've got an idea!”
“No,” replied Jimmy.
Hannah grinned up at Patrick as he looked down at her confused.
“I think he's still feeling a bit upset over the whole
'turning-him-over-to-the-government' thing. You've broken his
male bonding trust,” summarised Hannah.
“Oh, look Jimmy...I am sorry, real sorry. But
you wouldn't be doing me a favour, you'd be doing both of us
one.” Patrick smiled encouragingly as Jimmy looked up from
his coconut catapult. He cautiously walked over to Patrick's
window where he met an anxious face and an even more anxious hand
that leapt with desperation through the bars and yanked Jimmy up
to the bars. “Look, get the keys - NOW.
I don't care where they come from or who you kill
to get them, just let me out of here.” He pushed Jimmy away
as violently as he'd grabbed him in the first place and Hannah
heard the rustle of leaves as Jimmy fell into a small
churra-churra bush.
“Chill Patrick! You'll burst a varicose vein if you're not
careful!” Hannah said patronizingly.
Patrick turned and
jumped at the dividing bars snarling like Terror the Tiger on a
bad day.
There was another brief silence.
“Be a good chap and fetch the keys Jimmy, there's a clever
boy!” Hannah called out in a high-pitched voice.
The sound
of running footsteps answered her plea.
Soft, chilled music filtered into the
auditorium at 'The Jess-ter' as people started coming in. Jess
glanced at her watch - 7:50pm. Not long to go now...she and Ian
had nabbed the best seats by arriving early (plus the added bonus
of Jess owning the whole place).
“I don't remember that being there.” Ian commented,
pointing to a hole cut into the ceiling.
Jess was too wound up to
listen and pulled her walkie-talkie from her pocket. Pressing a
button, she spoke into it. “Dylan, are you ready back there?”
There was a crackle,
then, “Yes. Will you calm down, you eediot?”
Jess pressed the
button again. “Bloke doing the curtains - are you ready?”
“YES!” The bloke behind the curtains' reply came
back through the walkie-talkie.
“Do you think I should check the lighting?” Jess asked
Ian.
“NO.” He took the walkie-talkie away from her.
Suddenly the lights dimmed and a spotlight appeared on the
curtains. They opened and Dylan stepped forward. Just before he
had a chance to speak there was a crashing noise from above them.
Jess looked up.
Jimmy, on a long winch, lowered himself from the hole in the
ceiling.
“What the hell?!” Jess exclaimed.
“What the bejesus do you think you're doing?” Dylan
shouted.
Jimmy hit the floor right in front of Jess and Ian's
table. “NOW I've got you!” he shouted. He
leapt over the table and grabbed Jess by the throat.
She
responded by kicking him in the stomach.
Everybody laughed
loudly and cheered with some wolf whistling from the back.
Jimmy
and Jess stopped suddenly and turned around to look at the
standing ovation they'd achieved. Jess, stunned but not
senseless, threw a left punch shortly followed by a right punch
at Jimmy.
Jimmy wrestled her to the floor and they started pulling at each
other's hair.
The audience was now rapturous and some people were literally
jumping up and down with excitement.
“Give me the keys!” growled Jimmy, poking Jess in the
ribs.
“You're not taking over this island Jim Joannou!” Jess
shouted over the noise of the audience.
“I don't want to !” Jimmy stated. “I just
want the keys...oh, and I want you dead!”
Jess gasped with astonishment.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, (well, actually the stage) an Irish-man
named Dylan Moran came and restrained Jimmy with a few bouncers
of 'The Jess-ter'.
“You B*TCH!!” Jimmy spat, struggling to
get out of the grip of the strong, huge bouncers.
“You're INSANE Jim Joannou, INSANE and SAD!”
Jess scowled standing up and smoothing down her hair. “Take him to the rehab centre - I'll be there
in a few minutes.
“The bouncers took the struggling Jimmy
out of a side door.
“What now?” asked Dylan, turning to Jess. The audience
were getting a bit restless now.
“Get back on the stage,” Jess said, straightening her
clothes. She walked out of the main doors, leaving a stunned
audience (and Ian) for Dylan to handle.
Jess arrived at the front door of the rehab
centre where the bouncers where holding Jimmy two minutes later.
“Right, let's go in.” Jess pushed open the doors.
As
they went down the corridor towards the two cells, she heard
Patrick's voice saying, “HA! I win! Get it off!”
And
Hannah replying, “Oh, ok...”
Just as Jess, Jimmy and his
accompanying bouncers turned the corner to the cells they saw
Patrick dressed only in his shirt and underwear and Hannah in
only her jeans and her bra, which she was trying to take off.
“The clasp's stuck,” she moaned. “Jess - could you
give me a hand?”
Jess; completely horrified, fumbled for the
keys in her pocket. “Oh my God - get out of the cell - NOW.” She
unlocked the door and pulled Hannah out. “Give me her
clothes.” Jess demanded turning to Patrick.
“Aw...but my winnings!” he exclaimed.
“NOW!” Jess shouted.
Reluctantly, Patrick
passed Hannah's clothes through the bars.
“Right, you
go and get changed.” Jess demanded at Hannah, pointing at
the door.
Hannah slinked out sheepishly.
“And YOU,”
Jess said to Jimmy. “Get in there.” The bouncers threw
Jimmy into the now empty cell. Jess locked the door. “Right,
lads,” she said to the bouncers, “Let's go.”
They
marched out.
There was a long silence, broken only when the front
door slammed.
There was another silence.
“Jimmy, could you pass me my trousers, please?”
� Jess and Hannah 2002