Jess and Hannah were soon crammed into one of the helicopters with five army privates and Jack.
“I can't believe we're doing this! You get me into so much trouble, Hans! I mean…I don't think my parents have recovered yet over my disappearance to Australia for three months without a single call home!” Jess exclaimed in a harsh whisper as they sat next to each other in the back of the helicopter.
“Jess! If we hadn't gone on our last adventure…which was all my suggestion by the way…you wouldn't have met Patrick Marber, Cartman from South Park or found out that your father was Michael Palin.”
Jess sighed and looked out the window whilst Hannah continued.
“And you wouldn't have found out that Steve Coogan was an annoying—“
“We're here!” shouted the pilot, interrupting Hannah.
The helicopter slowly began to fall down through the clouds and Jess looked out of the window.
There was a small island with a big rock face, which appeared to be molded into the shape of…Austin Powers.
“Holy crap!” Jess exclaimed, staring out.
“Austin Powers?” Hannah asked Jack in surprise.
“Yeah – he's out hero, we think he's great.”
“You do know that he's a fictional character?” Jess said.
“No…that was just a cover-up by the government.” Jack explained.
Jess and Hannah were now thoroughly confused and decided not to argue.
“I'm bringing her down now, hold on tight, everyone!” the pilot yelled over the chopping of the propellers.

The helicopter had landed perfectly on the large psychedelic purple cross of the landing pad. Hannah and Jess stood by the aircraft and looked out to sea.
“Well this must be our new arrivals! Come on up my beautiful ladies!” Austin Power's voice boomed out of the rock face.
The golden tooth in his wide smile on the mountain-side reflected the strong sunlight and set fire to three secret spy men standing near Hannah and Jess.
“Let's go in.” Jess caught Hannah by the arm and they ran in through the automatic doors.

Inside, there were hundreds of people running around and doing their own jobs.
One man in a white coat emerged through the crowd and stopped infront of Hannah and Jess. “Welcome to the 'Secret Shagging Spy Service'. You are new recruit spies. Take the first blue swirls door on the right and remember…have a groovy day!!” He walked off, leaving the two girls standing in the middle of organised chaos.
Jess and Hannah headed for the aforementioned door and entered as it opened automatically in front of them.
“Ah, hello, you must be the new girls,” said a voice from nowhere.
“Erm…yeah,” said Hannah, looking around nervously.
“Fabulous, baby! Which is Jess and which is Hannah?”
“I'm Hannah,” said Jess.
“I'm Jess,” said Hannah.
“Ooh, hang on,” Jess said, raising a finger. “That's wrong. It's the other way around.”
There was a pause. Then the voice said, “Ok. Now we have to sort your uniforms.”
Part of the wall ahead of them slid away to reveal a rail filled with clothes. “You may choose from the generic pink catsuits or the purple ruffled suits.”
“Erm, I'm happy as I am, thanks,” said Jess, looking at the clothes in horror.
“Me too,” said Hannah.
“Right, if you insist,” said the voice. “But you'll need these.” Two mechanical arms came down from the ceiling clutching ID badges.
“Who are you?” Hannah asked.
“Oh yes, silly me…where are my manners? –“
“I don't know, when did you last see them?” Hannah interrupted.
Much to Jess and Hannah's concern, the voice collapsed into hysterics.
“Let's go,” said Hannah, snatching her ID badge and Jess' arm.
They walked out of the room and straight into a large open circular room.
“Is it me or didn't we come in through the corridor?” Jess looked around bewildered.
“You're not just a pretty face baby!” Suddenly Austin Powers, yes, the Austin Powers appeared through a camouflaged white door.
“Err…hi Austin, where's the snack bar?” Hannah asked, clearly unaffected by his entrance, where as Jess stood beside her with her jaw wide open.
“Just through those doors, baby,” he said, pointing to a pair of swing doors to their left which were covered in green fur. “After you've eaten we can show you our new project.”
“Sounds great,” said Jess. Then, after a moment's thought, “baby.”

After munching on sandwiches for a few minutes, Jess and Hannah were escorted down a long, dark corridor. They finally stopped outside a dark red door.
“This is all a bit dull compared to the main rooms,” Hannah said.
Jack, who had re-joined them, looked at her in surprise.
“The colours, I mean.”
Jack nodded at her slowly as if he didn't really get her point, but was just nodding for the hell of it. He pushed open the red door and the two girls walked in. The door clicked shut behind them and they stood and faced a large silver sphere with a door in it.
“Hey baby!” Austin said slipping in the room.
“There's two of us,” Hannah said.
“Sure baby!” He walked to the sphere. “Since you two are the new shagadelic spies, we think that you should be special. So, here's our baby…”
Austin pointed at the sphere whilst Jess and Hannah looked on in confusion.
“It's a time machine baby!” Austin exclaimed staring at their blank faces. He pressed a button and the sphere whirled into motion relecting all the colours of the rainbow. “Just step through the door! Groovy baby! Groovy!!”
“No thanks,” scoffed Jess. It looked a bit too dodgy to her.
“I'm up for it,” said Hannah, for the second time that day.
“Han--“Jess was cut off as Hannah dragged her into the machine.
“Take this!” Austin called, throwing Hannah a small remote controller covered in pink spots. “You can choose which year you go to or come back here with it.”
Hannah frowned down at the remote in concentration. “What if I lose it?”
“You're mincemeat, baby! The Ministry of Defence paid 224 million for this!”
”Let's roll,” said Hannah, pressing a random button.
There was a flash, and then nothing.

<< back to Book 2.1

� Jess and Hannah 2002