Jimmy, exhausted after blowing up the dinghy, lowered it into the water. Chris, Ben, Daniel and Cartman were first in.
"Dude, I can't wait to see England again," said Daniel, splashing water at Chris. "The Queen, fish and chips and all that."
Hannah hopped in amongst Silverchair and got comfy. Jimmy, Steve and Superturtle squeezed in next.
Jess was left on the shore with Patrick. "You don't live in England."
"No."
"So you're staying here."
"Yes."
"Without me."
"Y-es."
There was a silence.
"Bye, then," she paused. "I guess."
"Yeah. Bye."
Jess got into the dinghy.
Jimmy pushed off and they floated out into the sea. He began to paddle. The shore got smaller and smaller.
"So, what's the plan?" enquired Steve, who had begun to look increasingly worried the further away from land they got.
"Paddle like you've never paddled before," Jimmy said, paddling like a demon.
"Yeah, but which direction?"
"Have you got a compass?"
"No."
"Well then, who cares."

Around an hour had passed and the water had begun to get very cold.
"My hands are freezing," said Ben, sitting back in the dinghy taking his hands out of the water.
"Come and put them on me," said Hannah.
"HANNAH!" gasped Jess. "WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT!"
"What?" said Hannah, confused. "I'm hot."
"Yep," said Chris.
"Shut up you," Ben said giggling.
Jess sat down by Hannah. "You're... ridiculous." She said.
Hannah who was a bit slow on the uptake, finally realised what she'd said. But before she had time to retort, there came an, "Oh my God!" from Daniel.
Everyone looked out to sea and saw a little way away, floating nearer, a block of ice with a solitary penguin standing on it. It waved as it went past.
"Aww..." everyone chorused, waving back, except Jess, who sat staring back at the speck of land, utterly, utterly miserable.

It was getting dark. Daniel had serenaded Hannah with 'Miss You Love' 24 and a half times. The last time Jimmy had interrupted half way through.
"This is crap. Where do we think we're going, anyway?" said Cartman.
"England," replied Jimmy.
"Yes, I know..." said Cartman patiently. "But we're the other side of the goddamn world. How are we going to float all the way? We could end up anywhere."
"Who cares?" Jess muttered. "Who cares where we end up?!" She stared back out to sea. She couldn't see land anymore. "It doesn't matter now, anyway. Not anymore." she concluded.
Everyone stared at her in silence for a minute. Then, suddenly...
"Hey, guys, look! It's the penguin again!" said Chris.
"Aww..."

Jess woke up several times during the night to find that Steve had shuffled over to her side of the dinghy and was lying next to her. The first time he'd done this she'd pretended that she was having an active dream and kicked his shins, second time she poured water on him and the third time she sung the theme tune of Jaws and freaked him out. She now woke to find that Hannah was nowhere to be seen and Steve was lying in her place. Steve was beginning to get a tad annoying. Jess couldn't believe that she was thinking this but it was true... And they'd left poor Patrick in the middle of Newcastle with no money and no home... his poor little Post Office... squashed. Jess got up and laid down next to Hannah who was all on her own on the other side of the dinghy, cuddled up to Daniel's guitar.

Jess was the first to wake up and she met a strange face - there was a penguin standing in the middle of the dinghy.
"Oh my GOD!" She pulled her knees up to her chest (a mean feat with her bazoomas) and nudged Jimmy, who was closest.
"What?" he moaned, getting up very slowly. He spotted the penguin. "Sweet Dame Edna, what the hell is that doing there?!"
Slowly the others, hearing the commotion, woke up.
"Aww..." Daniel, Chris and Ben all cooed in unison.
"Eew, get it out of the dinghy, it's wet!" Hannah exclaimed.
"Of course it's wet!" Cartman muttered. "Stupid goddamn hippy."
Jess, with a well aimed kick, removed the penguin from the dinghy. He slammed into the water sending a fine spray over everyone.
"Hey," Jess winced as the water hit her. "This is FREEZING!"
"Just where are we?" Hannah asked Jimmy, as the water that had hit her face promptly turned to ice.
"Erm...the South Pole?" he suggested.
"Oh, way to go south, everyone!" said Steve feeling pretty p*ssed off. "Told you we needed a bloody compass."
"No you didn't, I asked you if you had one," Jimmy replied.
"Hmm," said Steve, not convinced.
"I wish I had my Discman," said Hannah in a dreamy voice, "and my CDs."
"Where are they?" asked Ben.
"They went down with the plane." Hannah sighed.
"Your plane crashed?" Daniel looked up shocked.
"Yeah. All 289 of my CDs... gone." Hannah looked devastated.
Daniel turned round to Jess. "Your plane crashed?"
"Yeah. We took off from Singapore and then the left rear fuel tank blew up."
"Oh my god! That sounds just like fated flight 32945733!" Chris rolled off the number like it was his birthdate.
"Wha... yeah probably that." Jess said frowning.
"It landed on that Post Office!" Ben giggled looking at Chris who consequently cracked up.
"That was Patrick's Post Office, so don't be nasty!" said Jess in a warning tone. Chris and Ben smothered their laughter.
"Did anyone survive?" Jimmy asked absently.
"Yeah, everyone apart from three people and a dwarf. Apparently they took the coward's way out and jumped."
Jimmy and Jess looked at each other in shock.
"I ain't a dwarf!" Cartman said.
"Wow!" said Hannah snapping out of her daydream. "Do you reckon my CDs are alive? Coz it'll take me five years of pocket money to buy them all again."
"Yeah, they should have them."
"Um...guys?" interupted Steve. "Sorry to butt in and everything but we're heading straight for that block of ice." They all turned to look. Steve was right; it was a bloody big block as well.
"Paddle in the other direction!" Jess demanded.
"Are you kidding?! It'll be freezing, my hand'll freeze and I'll die of frostbite!" Jimmy protested.
"If we hit that iceberg then the dinghy is going to sink, and then we ALL die of frostbite!" Jess shouted back.
Jimmy, Chris, Ben, Daniel and Steve immediately started paddling.

"I think the current has changed. There's less ice, it must be getting warmer." Jimmy said.
"So we're going North?" asked Hannah.
"Guess so," said Jimmy.
"If you had a compass you'd KNOW," said Steve, smugly.
"Shut up, Coogan," Jimmy replied.
Jess sighed and stared back out to sea. Australia was now such a long way away...

<< back to Book 1.4

� Jess and Hannah 2001