"You hate sitcom too?!" Jess exclaimed.
She and Steve were sat in a rather nice Aussie restaurant and having a darn good time.
"Oh, God, yes!" Steve replied. "Can't stand it. Apart from 'Spaced', of course."
"Of course," repeated Jess, smiling. This was fab. Talking about comedy with the king of comedy. She couldn't be happier...

Outside a swanky Aussie restaurant a small tower consisting of Superturtle, Cartman and Patrick wobbled dangerously outside a window.
"Dude, will you hurry up? I'm getting squished down here!" Cartman exclaimed. "What are you looking for, anyway?"
"I'm trying to see what Jess and Steve are doing," Patrick muttered. "Now shut up and stay still!"
Cartman sighed and wobbled again.
"I can make out the back of Steve..." Patrick started, grabbing onto the window ledge quickly as the human/animal tower violently wobbled.
"So?" said Cartman.
Patrick was pleased that Superturtle couldn't speak because that meant one less person moaning. "OK... he's having gammon... quick, write it down!"
"What the hell? Where am I supposed to write it you screwball?" groaned Cartman.
"Just quickly... oh my God! He's giving her more wine!"
"So?"
"So he's trying to get her drunk! The evil b*st*rd. He'll pay for this..." Patrick didn't have time to continue bitching because Superturtle had given up and decided to walk off.
Cartman and Patrick fell off into a large puddle of mud.

"Wine?"
"No thanks, Steve, I'm not really a drinker." Jess smiled over at Hannah who was at the table to her left, eating chocolate cake with Ben.
"Mmm...cake," Hannah mumbled into her food.
"It's good cake," agreed Ben. "Very...chocolately."
Hannah gave him an odd look. "Don't force the conversation, Ben, it spoils everything." She stuffed her face with more cake and downed a glass of wine.
The tower reappeared at the window, this time with Cartman at the top. He was heavy and Patrick and Superturtle had a job to hold him up.
"What can you see!?" Patrick hissed.
"Nothing..." persisted Cartman, wobbling.
Jess suddenly spotted them. She looked furious.
"Uh-oh," said Cartman, "you're screwed Patrick," he said still looking through the window.
"Why? Oh, hell, she didn't see you did she?"
"YES, SHE DAMN WELL DID!" Jess screamed making them all jump and land on the floor in a heap. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Jess looked more angry than Hannah when it was her time of the month.
"Birdwatching," said Patrick. God bless Jimmy.

Hannah meanwhile had finished her cake and was satisfactorily filled.
"What shall we do now?" asked Ben.
"Hmm... don't know. Can we go back to Daniel's?"
Ben groaned. "Why?"
"'Cause I want to see him."
"Well he doesn't want to see you."
"Take me there anyway," commanded Hannah.
Ben sighed over dramatically and pouted. "Fine..." he muttered, "and here's me thinking you had had a nice time tonight with ME..."
"Oh, I did," Hannah said. "I just want to see Daniel."
Ben sighed again but then had an idea. "Hey, how about I show you the nightlife here in Newcastle?" he suggested.
"There is one?" asked Hannah. "Sounds good, let's go!"

"So what are you doing out there looking in at me?" Jess demanded, peering through the window at Cartman, Superturtle and Patrick.
"Dude, it was all his idea." Cartman exclaimed, pointing at Patrick.
"Well?!" Jess asked, still severly p*ssed off. "What were you doing? And DON'T say birdwatching!"
"Erm..." Patrick looked around guiltily. "I was coming here to see if you were around because I wanted to take you out for an evening... I thought we could maybe go to the library or something..." He trailed off looking hopeful.
He didn't get a reply because Hannah had walked over to Jess with Ben by her side. "Jess, I'm going for a night on the town," she said simply.
"OK," said Jess. "Where will you be in the morning?"
"At Daniel's," Hannah said simply.
Ben groaned and Hannah consequently punched him in the arm. "Why does everyone always like Daniel?"
"I don't know," said Hannah. "I like Chris."
Ben's face fell.

"So...what's Mark Gatiss like?" Jess asked Steve as they walked through the city park in the dark.
"Oh, he's a really nice bloke... I'll have to introduce you when we go home."
Patrick, who was hiding behind a tree, nudged Cartman. "D'hear that?"
"What, dude, Jess's always talking about that Gatiss-guy."
"No, 'home'! When we go 'home'!"
"Hannah and Jess live in England, dude," Cartman said.
"But...home! That means they'll leave Australia!"
"Well they were hardly going to stay here forever, man..." Cartman was cut off as Patrick grabbed him and ran towards the next tree to keep up with Jess and Steve.

"Wow, that was some club!" Hannah laughed as she and Ben came out of a loud nightclub.
"Glad you're having a good time," Ben said, grinning. "So...does that mean--"
"Can we go to Daniel's now?" Hannah interrupted.
"Oh, for God's SAKE!" exclaimed Ben. "Can't you stop thinking about my two best mates for one minute and think about me?" he said exasperated.
"Sorry!" said Hannah. "I just love all three of you."
Ben sighed.
"I'm sorry, really I am..." Hannah said, stepping forward and touching his face.
"Do you like me?" Ben asked hopefully.
"No, you just had chocolate on your face."

<< back to Book 1.3

� Jess and Hannah 2001