Seventeen (Tim); Little Fall of Rain
Did I do something wrong --again?-- or say something out of place? I don't understand why Heather's acting like this. One second we were okay and talking about the film, and the next she's stalked off upstairs muttering about doing 'housewifey things' like cleaning. I don't know. She's been acting so strange lately. I read some of the crumpled-up pieces of paper she left on the floor that day I walked in and heard her singing "Little Girls". It was all poetry. All very depressing, themed on death and suicide and blood, and much of it was unfinished. Am I really that hard to live with?
I guess I should be thankful she hasn't been cutting herself or anything. Still, I can't understand what's been making her act the way she is. I'm used to seeing her happy and cheerful --she's the light this dark life needed-- but the light has been dimming more and more frequently now. Is this my fault? Am I pulling her down, hurting her, dimming the light I'm used to seeing shine in her eyes?
I thought perhaps bringing her casting information would cheer her up, make her happy, because what her friend Todd said is true; she's wasted on anything that isn't performing. But all I seem to have done is upset her even more. God I can't do anything right! I can't believe I'm such a mess! I can't even cheer my own wife up for God's sake! I sigh and get up, following Heather upstairs. I don't want her damaging herself again.
I've seen the scars across Danny's chest before, but somehow seeing them on Heather is scarier. In a way I can understand Danny cutting himself, but seeing Heather's scars is just slightly different, because she is usually such a calm, collected and 'happy' person that it's frightening when she appears to lose control of herself. What happens if she loses control so much she isn't able to stop herself? What if she cuts something vital and dies?!
I shudder, push open the bedroom door and blink in shock; Heather's lying face-down on the bed, crying like her heart's breaking. I've never seen her cry properly before, it isn't 'normal' behavior for her; she usually hides nearly all her emotions from everyone, including me.
"Heather?"
She jumps like someone's shot a gun behind her, and jack-knifes around, looking at me wide-eyed in shock. Even with her eyes filled with tears, her cheeks red and tear-stained, she looks beautiful. Strangely beautiful...
"Tim!" She squeaks, scrubbing her cheeks and attempting to plaster a smile on her lips. "I didn't - you weren't - I!" She stutters, gulping a little for air. I walk over and sit next to her.
"Are you alright?" I ask, before it occurs to me what a moronic question that was to ask; she clearly isn't alright!
"Nah, half left!" She quips, her voice shaking just slightly. I give her my best 'stern look' and put my arm around her.
"I was being serious."
"So was I..." She says, resting her head on my shoulder. I sigh.
"Are you okay?" I ask again. She sighs as well.
"Yeah. Just overtired I guess."
Overtired? I don't know whether or not I believe her; she never cries, overtired or not, and I've been married to her long enough to know when she's tired or not. And to be honest I don't think she is. She might be able to lie better than anyone I know (except possibly Danny), but I think I'm beginning to be able to tell when she is, and she is. She's acting so uncharacteristically lately... I wish I knew why! There must be a reason for these moodswings...
Mustn't there?
Chapter 16 ; Contents ; Chapter 18
