Fifteen (Danny); The Freeway.
I don't think I've ever driven so fucking fast down the freeway as I did this morning. God, what sort of fucking twisted bastard am I?! It was clear to me Amy was pissed senseless last night, but I still took advantage of her. God I am some shit. Just to wake up with her asleep beside me was enough to mess with my head more than I appreciated. She looked gorgeous, peaceful, everything I'm not, and everything I can't touch because I destroy it. I just had to get out of there.
So here I am. At home. Drinking. Again. God, I thought I could sink no lower. Guess I was wrong. Amy's going to hate me, and I don't blame her. Not that I want her to hate me... But for God's sake look at me! Over fifty, drunken, useless, twisted, losing my fucking hair and losing my grip! I take another mouthful of whisky, savouring the numbing quality of the alcohol. Wish it was as easy to numb everything completely. As good as whisky -or any other alcohol for that matter- is, the pain always comes creeping back. All the emotions, everything I try to keep away comes flooding back eventually. There is no full escape.
Except death.
I laugh mirthlessly and take yet another mouthful of the burning amber liquid, draining the glass. Death is the only 'escape', how positively fucking morbid. Jeeze, I'm turning into Tim now, just to make life that little bit fucking better.
The phone starts to ring, but I don't want to answer it. I just want to crawl into a hole and disappear into the darkness that is all I have left to call mine.
Click
"Can't take your call right now. Leave a message or try again later."
Beep
"Hi, Danny? Uh - it's Tim... I -uhm- guess you're not in or something... I just - wanted to remind you about the - the er - the film... I've a meeting on Monday so - er - yeah, I'll speak to you about it after that, okay? Oh - uh - sorry about using up all your answerphone space......."
Click........whir
What the fuck am I going to do?
Chapter 14 ; Contents ; Chapter 16
