"In a new interview, Star Trek's Leonard Nemoy announced that he's decided to quit acting. And even more shocking, William Shatner announced that he's decided to start acting."
"It was reported that neighbors who live near Jack Nicholson are upset because the 66-year-old actor walks around the house naked all the time and doesn't close his curtains. When asked about it, one of the neighbors said, 'We can't handle the truth.'"
"This holiday season, a website is selling George W. Bush dolls that speak in the president's voice when you press a button. Apparently, the doll mispronounces over 100 words."
"It was reported today that recently in Vermont, a woman came home and caught her boyfriend watching porn so she shot him in the arm. When asked about it, the man said, 'Luckily, it wasn't the arm I use while watching porn.'"
"A group of over 100 celebrities have signed a letter to protest the war against Iraq. The list of celebrities includes Kim Basinger, Martin Sheen and Saddam Hussein."
"Mexico City announced that it is forming a new police unit with officers dressed like cowboys with cowboy hats and spurs. In a related story, Mexico City also announced it's gay."
"According to a new holiday survey, 1/3 of people admit that they have kissed a co-worker at one of their office Christmas parties. I'm no exception and all I can say is, Al Roker is 'all tongue.'"
"Here in New York, the transit workers are threatening to go on strike as soon as this Sunday. If that happens, millions of subway riders will be forced to urinate in cabs."
"The other day in England, a priest got in trouble because in the middle of a sermon he told the crowd that Santa Claus is dead. When asked about it, Santa said, 'The priest is just jealous because kids are scared to sit on his lap.'"
"The other day in Washington, President Bush visited a mosque to acknowledge the Muslim feast of Ramadan. Unfortunately, there was one awkward moment at the mosque when Bush wished everyone a Merry Christmas."
"Sean 'Puffy' Combs is considering starring as Ebenezer Scrooge in a hip-hop version of Charles Dickens' 'A Christmas Carol.' The only difference is in the Puffy version, Scrooge gets annoyed with the Ghost of Christmas Future and pops a cap in his ass."
"A new reality show similar to 'Big Brother' debuts next month where a group of celebrities like Emmanuel Lewis, Corey Feldman and MC Hammer all share a house together. The sad thing is in real life they actually do share a house together."
"Yesterday in court, a judge ordered the company that stole the Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee sex tape to pay the former couple almost $1.5 million. Then the judge turned to Tommy Lee and said, 'By the way, nice penis.'"
"USA Today reports that in the new Terminator movie, Arnold Schwarzenegger takes on a female Terminator. Apparently Hollywood Insiders say this is the role that's going to make Janet Reno a star."
"It's been reported this week that Sylvester Stallone has signed on to make 'Rocky VI.' After hearing about it, Mr. T said, 'This time I'm not kidding, I actually pity the fool.'"
"It's Friday the 13th. A lot of people avoid black cats, but today Senator Trent Lott went out of his way to get his picture taken with one."
Roger Ailes, who's the head of the Fox News Network, is denying reports that he sent President Bush a letter giving him advice on the war. In his own defense, Ailes said, 'I'm not in a position to give anyone advice, I hired Geraldo'."
"According to the New York Post, Keith Richards brought an entire barrel of Jack Daniels on the Rolling Stones' recent tour. When asked about it, Keith Richards said, 'That's not Jack Daniels, that's embalming fluid'."
"During MTV's European Music Awards, a woman jumped onstage and took off all her clothes. Then, security jumped up and led Christina Aguilera back to her seat."
"According to MSNBC, the other night actress Tara Reid disappeared into a hotelmen's room with several members of 'N Sync. Tara Reid said, 'It was an honest mistake, I was following the 'N Sync guys so I just assumed it was the women's room'."