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| Want to send me a joke ? |
| jokes |
| jokes3 |
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| When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged. Before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him. "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!" "Do you mean that repulsive pink and blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked. "That's the one!" "That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me, why is your hand bandaged?" "Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me." |
| jack and Ted head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes. jack says to Ted, "Let's say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on the lowest score for the day." Ted agrees and they enjoy a great game. After the 8th hole, Ted is ahead by 1 stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. "Help me find my ball; you look over there," he says to jack. After 5 minutes, neither has had any luck, and since a lost ball carries a four-point penalty, Ted pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. "I've found my ball!" he announces triumphantly. jack looks at him forlornly, "After all the years we've been friends, you'd cheat me on golf for a measly five bucks?" "What do you mean cheat? I found my ball sitting right here!" "And a liar, too!" jack says with amazement. "I'll have you know I've been standing on your ball for the last five minutes |
| On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined twenty dollars the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined sixty dollars. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of one hundred eighty dollars. Are there any questions?" A male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?" |
| A man piloting a hot-air balloon discovers he has wandered far off course and is hopelessly lost. He descends to a lower altitude and locates a man down on the ground. He lowers the balloon to within hearing distance and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot-air balloon, about thirty feet above this field." "You must work in information technology," says the balloonist. "Yes, I do," replies the man. "And how did you know that?" "Well," says the balloonist, "what you told me is technically correct, but of no use to anyone." The man below says, "You must work in management." "I do," replies the balloonist, "how did you know?" "Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect my immediate help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault!" |
| Fax machines can have a great effect on politicians. Somebody just sent a fax message to every member of our state legislature. Each fax message was exactly the same: "The press has found out everything." Both houses of the legislature emptied out within thirty minutes. |
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