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| Fan Fiction Archive |
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| Ralph Transcribed by Nightshade |
| [Shot of dangling key Camera pans up to show Darien contemplating the key The pan continues so Darien's seen in whole sitting outside on some rocks] Darien:(Voice Over) In his very first novel, Sherlock Holmes met his match Her name was Irene Adler, But as Dr. Watson points out, she was always the woman, the woman who eluded him, the woman who got away For me, it was elementary ... [shot switches to an 8-year-old blonde girl] [Girl standing at the edge of some woods watcheing a falcon, then runs into the woods past the "Park Closed" sign she stops at a group of rocks and unlocks an imaginary door with a familiar gold key] Girl: Ralph, wake up! You've gotta see this! Come on it's a falcon come on we're gonna miss it [Girl runs futher into the woods.Cut to a shot of two men sitting on a log in hunting gear other men can be seen in the back ground] American delegate: Allow me to introduce you to America's greatest sport, huntin'! ....or as I like to call it, waitin' [The Turk just grunts in reply and throws his can of beer on the ground between the legs of one of the men walks away and you see movement in the under brush it's a man with a laser guided gun] American delegate: Just think of this as a loan [Cut to men roaming around watching the woods you see the gunman hiding as they walk by him] Agent: Just make sure Ivan the Terrible doesn't mistake me for Bambi. [cut back to the men talking] American delegate: Well just think of this as an invitation to a little pool party we call NATO [Girl walks into a clearing and looks up to the falcon hears sounds pulls out binoculars and starts to look around the woods with them and sees the two men dressed in orange. Girl turns to no one on her left] Girl: its orange men Ralph [using her binoculers she watches the falcon. The falcon flies off, Jessica looks over at "Ralph" she thenl spots the delegates talking and drinking beer. looking around through the binoculers she see's a gun with the red laser moveing in the brush. It is a man hiding under somesort of ground cover] [view from sniper focusing in on one of the men in orange] Turk: What's this? American delegate: ah good eyes that is an endangered Perigon Falcon [Turk tries to aim at the falcon.but the delegate stops him] American delegate: We protect him, just like we protect you. [A shot is fired and hits the Turk. Chaos ensuse as they agents scramble to find the gunman Girl raises her binoculars again after seeing the Turk get shot and spots the sniper switch to a Shot of falcon flying in the sky. The falcon is hit by a gun shot and falls from the sky. Girl turns to see the sniper peeking out from his cover under all the foliage. Girl starts running, calling for Ralph.] FADE to intro Darien Voice Over: There once was a story about a guy who could turn invisible, I thought it was just a story, until it happened to me, Ok so here's how it works there's this stuff called Quicksilver that can bend light some scientists made it into a synthetic gland, and that's where I came in. See I was facing life in prison and they were looking for a human experiment. So we made a deal, they put the gland in my brain I walk free, the operation was a success......that's when everything started to go wrong......... fade [Woods again yellow warning tape ropes off an area as agents roam around focus to the Turk being zipped up in a body bag. Cut to the the Keeper as she packs up the dead bird. Darien and Hobbes help her.] Claire: Adult Packer Peraeneth falcon it was probably heading south to the baha pennisula...... Poor thing [They pack the bird into a bag and start to walk away] Hobbes: Death takes no vacations my friend [Darien stops and turns Hobbes] Darien: Hobbes it's a Falcon ok It's not the Maltese.. Falcon. Now can we just drop the pros and get out of here? Hobbes: Why don't you have a little respect for the dead? Darien: It's a Birrrdddd. Keeper: You're both endangered creatures, Darien. The question is when you die, what will the bird say? Hobbes: Got a point. [Darien looks around and turns back to Hobbes] Darien: Why are we here? Hobbes: Well the Buddhist would say that life is.. [Darien stops him] Darien: Let me rephrase that just how the hell does the agency get its cases? [Hobbes grabs Darien and start sto lead him away from all the people] Hobbes: Agency??? What agency?" Low vibe cowboy Darien: The top secret one you work for yeah the agency that chases terrorist one week and then Oh then shuts down the next cause the copier breaks and their to cheap to service it. Hobbes: hahaha What's he talking about you Know what he's talking about? You need to learn to keep a low profile. Darien: God How much lower a profile can you get then an Agency that works for the Department of Fish and Game? Hobbes: We don't work them Darien: Oh yeah right...we're just out here on road kill duty earning our merit badges! Hobbes: F and G is like a landlord to us they leave the Agency alone let us do our cases but occasionally we have to pay rent like to day with the dead bird see [They stop walking when they reach some yellow caution tape. On the other side they see the Turks body being lifted on to a Gurney] Darien: Huh...somehow I don't think that's the only reason we're here. [They look on for a few seconds then a Agent heads over to them] Jones: If it isn't Lithium Bob! I haven't seen you since Quenitico Hobbes nice hair cut Hobbes: Jones... Darren: Wait a minute you were in the FBI Jones: Yeah big emphasis on "Were" ah now I'm gonna have to ask you gentleman to step away from the line. Everything behind here is off-limits to non-FBI [Darien keeps looking at the crime scene Jones lifts his hand to block Darien's view] Jones: Ah A Everything. Darien: Ah... well I'll just make myself scarce [Darien Walks away] Hobbes: Nice to see you too Jones. How are those Viagra rebates coming huh? What happened you send in some coupons and you get a few bucks back? Jones: hey hey you can change jobs Bobby but you can't change who you are. Paranoia pill head Hobbes: Why dontcha step over here and say that Jones: yeah but then I would have to take you seriously and I can't risk that [Cut to Darien as walks behind a tree......and turns invisible. Quicksilver view as he walks back to the crime scene goes under the tape and heads to an open sided tent where the young blonde girl is sitting wrapped in a blanket her mother stands next her talking to her she moves as an Agent walks up he sits down next to her. Darien Stops just to the side of them] Agent: Hi Jessica are you ready to tell us what you saw? Mom: Jess Honey, this man want's to help. Will you talk to him? Will you talk to me? Honey will you talk to me? [Jessica remains silent] Agent: [turns to the Mother] ok how about you and me talk for a minute Mom: OK [As they walk away Jessica turns to side like she heard something] Jessica: Ralph??? What are you doing here [Cut to the Official Office. Darien and Hobbes are sitting looking at a screen with a bird on it The Official flips through a few more pictures of the bird] Official: Gentlemen. Take a good look Because we will not rest till this senseless death of this national symbol of...flight... is avenged Ebert: any Questions? Darien: Yeah when are you gonna quit this crap? The Official: Eberts seal the briefing room. [Eberts walks to the windows and starts closing the blinds when closed slide shows a picture of the Turk] Eberts: Oman Tariq cabinet minister for the republic of Takanasan [After two slides of Oman, the slide show ends] The Official: and former Turk and crime boss recently elected to office by the very council he once terrorized Oman was enjoying his first trip to the united states when took an assassins bullet in his chest. . .The President has publicly called for vengeance and this agency needs to answer that call Hobbes: Lets do it!! Darien: Hey! Guys guys come on ...the actual words off limits was used by the FBI Hobbes: Screw the FBI Official: No, the kid is right. A foreign dignitary was killed on our soil, and that is FBI jurisdiction. [Darien gives a "So there!" look to Hobbes] but an endangered bird was killed in a National Park and that belongs to Fish And Game. Eberts: Our temporary sponsors The Official: Enter the Agencey Hobbes: Where do we start The Official: Well Tariq had an extensive list of political enemies [Darien gets up and starts to leave the room] Hobbes: Where do you think your going?? [Hobbes grabs him by the arm and turns him so they are facing each other] Darien: Nah I don't do the detective work, that's your department. Hobbes: You insulting me? Darien: Hey Hobbes: huh? The Official: Hey Hobbes his not insulting you Take it easy ok. [The Official flings a file at Darien he catches it]. The kid has a tougher assignment. And thanks Fawkes on the heads up on the eyewitness we were able to get a file on her. Darien: Great so what does this got to do with me? The Official: go on it's a page turner Hobbes: Open it [Opens the folder and starts to read] Darien: Jessica Semplar. Age 8 Student.... HeatherField Elementary Interests...painting. The Official: Haa haa turn the page [Motions with his hand to turn the page] [Darien lifts the first page of Jessica's file showing there is a set of fingerprints on it] Darien: Voluntary Mute Incident related...yadda yadda yadda... refuses to talk to authorities even her mother says Quote "The only person Jessica is talking to is Ralph [Darien looks up at the Official]......her invisible best friend" Official: And guess who you are? [Cut to a nice house in the suburbs A woman walks out of the house towards Agent Jones] Doctor: post traumatic stress disorder talking therapies aren't working Cause she won't talk to me Jones: We don't need a diagnosis, Fran. We need an ID on the sniper. [Another man gets out of a car and walks up behind Jones] Anders: How do you know she saw him?. Jones: Well look who's back early from Tahoe. What did you miss work Anders?? Anders: No but I read the news. Apparently you can't hold down the fort with out me. Doc I read the file she say anything at all? Doctor: Not yet She doesn't trust me Jones: She will. We'll try again tommorrow [Cut to A shot of Jessica in her room drawing. On a table behind her is a Hungry Hungry Hippos game. Suddenly The Hungry Hungry Hippo's game moves by itself, apparently. Jessica jumps and turns to look but no one is there. When the game doesn't do anything she goes back to drawing. Then the Red hippo moves again by itself and she turns to look. She gets up and walks to the game and looks down at it. Then the red Hippo moves as she watches it, she sits down then she hits a hippo once...then the red one moves once...then Jessica hits her's again...what follows is a frenzied game of Hungry Hungry Hippos. The game ends with her getting the last marble she sits back an looks at the game wonderingly] Darien: You win! [Jessica looks up but see's no one across from her and looks scared]. Darien: No no don't Don't be scared it's just me.......Ralph. Jessica: Ralph??? Darien: Yeah Hey you want to play again how about 2 out of 3. Oh I got an idea wanna play checkers? [Invisible Darien starts to play with the checkers holds 2 red checkers over his eyes. They seem to float about in front of Jessica] Jessica: Heheh your not Ralph Darien: I'm not Ralph?? Jessica: No [The checkers drop to the table] Darien: Why...did you...change...my name? Jessica: No Darien: Then who am I? Jessica: You sound weird, different Darien: That's because before I was talking to your inner ear, and now I'm taking to your outer ear. [Shot of Invisible Darien flipping a checker up and down in his hand] Jessica: I knew that. . . I'm sorry Ralph Darien: Your Sorry why?? Jessica: I forgot to let you back into your house. Probably got cold is that why you came here? Darien: Well yeah and I was scared you know couldn't really sleep Jessica: Me to Darien: because of what you saw in the woods Jessica: You saw him to Darien: Yeah .. No not Exactly Mom: Jessica . . .Dinner!!! Jessica: Ralph, stay! OK? I'll be right back can you promise to stay right here Darien: Yeah I promise [They do a pinky promise] Jessica: You ARE cold! [She runs out the door and Darien de-Quicksilvers and starts to look around the room and speaks into earpiece Mic.] Darien: Ralph to Harvey over Hobbes: Harvey to Ralph, Harvey to Ralph. What's your sit-rep Darien: What?!?! Hobbes: Your sit-rep, your sit-rep! Darien: Yea, I gotta tell you I don't know what the Hell that means. but I think I'm pretty close to an ID here. [Stops and looks at an easel with paintings on it] Wow man she's quite the artist Hobbes: See if she can make a sketch of the killer face or his weapon I can work with that [Darien starts roaming around the room he picks up Jessica's diary and starts reading.] Darien: Wait a minute, what am I doing here? Hobbes: How's that... I'm losing you Darien: Hobbes This isn't right I'm getting out of here Hobbes: Isn't right?? Your a thief! Darien: Ah, ex-thief, thank you very much. Hobbes: You can change your job, but you can't change who you are! Now you got a job to do. Do it. [From outside the door] Jessica: I'll be right back Mommie [Darien move to the middle of the room and tries to Quicksilver] Darien: Awww Crap Hobbes: What? [Darien starts to look around worriedly] Darien: Aw crap I can't do it I can't Quicksilver [Darien dashes into the closet to hide as Hobbes continues to chatter over the mic,] Hobbes: What do ya mean you can't Quicksilver You'd better quicksilver, you'd better quick right..." [Darien shuts the door to the Closet just as Jessica enters with a plate of food] Jessica: Ralph . . .Ralph..... Ralph are you still here?? Darien: uh Yeah .... yeah sorta [Jessica tries to open the closet, but the door closes again.] Darien: No no no...don't come in! Jessica: But I brought you food [Jessica finally gets the door open and sees a headless Darien. She and Darien both Scream as Darien runs out of the closet and jumps out the window.] Cut to Commercial |